"Mantrip" Its up to the female members of the crew to complete the mission when the men become inexplicably clumsy and keep falling down on the job. "Varnishing Point" Hoshi disappears after an apparent transporter accident and the only way she is able to alert the crew is to sand and varnish all the decorative wood surfaces aboard ship. "Blood Bath" Dax joins Kang, Koloth and Kor in a typical howling Klingon butt kicking, blood letting mission.
I have been in tears reading some of these! So much better than what I had come up with myself but here goes again. "Where Silence Has Leash" Picard and the crew are put through a number of laboratory experiments by Nagilum's dog.
"Time and Agarn". Janeway and Paris encounter a subspace fracture which transports them through time and space. They end up at Fort Courage in the old American West, where they meet up with a certain army corporal. Hilarity ensues.
"Amok Tim" The Enterprise crew come across a planet with one lone being on it named Tim. "Dark Sage" Captain Picard finds himself lost and runs into a force that is beyond his control. "Rightful Hair" Captain Picard faces off against a mysterious being to win a magical hair piece. "Chip in a Bottle" Data finds an old bottle containing a computer chip. He tries to get it out of the bottle, but the bottle shatters. Hilarity ensues as he tries to glue the bottle back together. "Nightinale" Chakotay finds a bottle of ancient ale on the ship and proceeds to get drunk. He wakes up the next morning with no memory of what he did the night before.
"Space Weed" - The Enterprise crew unwittingly awakens Khan Noonien Singh, a notorious dictator who took over a quarter of the world by getting all the leaders of major countries so high on his super-potent marijuana that they never noticed him usurping power. He quickly sets to making an even more potent batch using 23rd century technology, and must be stopped. "In the Bands of the Prophets" - Vedeks Winn and Bareil are battling to take over as Kai in the time-honoured Bajoran tradition of holding rival rock concerts on Deep Space Nine. However, an extremist is trying to sabotage the event by rigging Bareil's amp to explode when he hits a certain note. "A Knight in the Sickbay" - While visiting a strange medieval world, the Enterprise crew unwittingly injure one of the natives and have to bring him aboard, where Phlox's attempts to treat him are hindered by the man's constantly saying the word "Ni!"
Tim's Arrow A rift in time opens up and sucks some guy named Tim into the future. Tim is kind of an ass, but apparently this had some kind of butterfly effect impact on the past which prevented WW3, preventing man from ever overcoming it's differences and founding the Federation. So they have to send Tim back to the past and help him accidentally cause WW3. Tim keeps making obnoxious comments. Data ends up smacking him upside the head, bringing him one step closer to understanding what it means to be human.
So, so far we have: Star Trek: The Original Series Season 1 "The Cake" (The Cage, Tim Thomason) - "It's Captain Pike's birthday and he's in for a surprise. Which lucky lady will come popping out of the cake this year? His first officer, his new yeoman, or some slave that was bought because he's apparently a horrible, horrible person?" "Where Nomad Has Gone Before" (Where No Man Has Gone Before, JonnyQuest037) - "Kirk and crew retrace Nomad's path of destruction through the galaxy." "The Enema Within" (The Enemy Within, Tosk) - "You don't even want to know, trust me." "The Man Crap" (The Man Trap, Jay Dee) - "The Enterprise crew goes to the planet M-113 to conduct their annual toilet servicing, but they are too late. An unknown species is masquerading as a woman from Doctor McCoy's past and attacking anyone from the waste disposal system." "The Mantrip" (The Man Trap, Green Shirt) - "Its up to the female members of the crew to complete the mission when the men become inexplicably clumsy and keep falling down on the job." "Charlie XXX" (Charlie X, Terok Nor) - "Yeoman Rand is pursued by a young porn producer to star in his latest masterpiece." (NOTE: Does not follow OP rules) "Charlie Y" (Charlie X, JonnyQuest037) - "The exact same episode as 'Charlie X,' except Charlie's a generation younger" "Siri" (Miri, JonnyQuest037) - "Kirk's further frustrations with the female Enterprise computer from 'Tomorrow Is Yesterday.'" "Whore Leave" (Shore Leave, Terok Nor) - "The crew visits a planet populated by Bajoran comfort women." "The Squire of Porthos" (The Squire of Gothos, Laura Cynthia Chambers) - "NX encounters Trelane, who is so enamored with Archer's dog that he wants to keep him." (NOTE: Does not follow OP rules) "The Squirt of Gothos" (The Squire of Gothos, JonnyQuest037) - "One of Star Trek's less-successful porn parodies." "The Alternative Actor" (The Alternative Factor, Laura Cynthia Chambers) - "Kirk fills in on an alien soap opera, is fired for actually falling in love with his leading lady." "Space Peed" (Space Seed, Kor) - "All of the urinals and toilets on the Enterprise get plugged up, causing an unholy mess. Khan is disgusted and decides not to take over the ship after all." "Space Weed" (Space Seed, BigDaveX) - "The Enterprise crew unwittingly awakens Khan Noonien Singh, a notorious dictator who took over a quarter of the world by getting all the leaders of major countries so high on his super-potent marijuana that they never noticed him usurping power. He quickly sets to making an even more potent batch using 23rd century technology, and must be stopped." "This Sid of Paradise" (This Side of Paradise, JonnyQuest037) - "Sequel to the surprisingly successful 'Journey To Mabel.' The Enterprise tries to find some guy named 'Sid,' Mabel's long-lost husband." "The Devil in the Park" (The Devil in the Dark, Seven of Five) - "To forge a better understanding between each other, Spock and the Horta go the park and find some swings to push each other on." "The Citi on the Edge of Forever" (The City on the Edge of Forever, JonnyQuest037) - "Kirk tries in vain to find an ATM that will take his debit card so he can finally pay Gillian Taylor back for that pizza." Season 2 "Friday's Chili" (Friday's Child, Green Shirt) - "Just before the weekly Monday meal, the ship passes through an anomaly which wreaks havoc with the food processors. Scotty saves the day by remembering he had three day old chili stored in a backup food locker." "Amok Tim" (Amok Time, Random_Spock) - "The Enterprise crew come across a planet with one lone being on it named Tim." "The Loomsday Machine" (The Doomsday Machine, Green Shirt) - "Enterprise encounters the Constellation, which was completely covered by a giant wool blanket by what a near crazed Commodore Decker described as 'a giant spinning wheel in space.'" "I, Fudd" (I, Mudd, Green Shirt) - "Enterprise is captured by a lunatic who is babbling on about needing help in finding a wascally wabbitt. All seems lost for Kirk and crew until Chekov realizes he alone can understand what the man is saying. He saves the day by confusing the man with talk of new-clee-err wessels and other in-wentions." "Journey to Bagel" (Journey to Babel, Tosk) - "Spock enters the Vulcan period of Pann Frye, a burning hunger that cannot be quenched by anything other than bagels. ...Or lethal combat." "Journey to Mabel" (Journey to Babel, JonnyQuest037) - "The crew tries to find a woman still named 'Mabel' in the 23rd Century." "A Private Little Wart" (A Private Little War, Tosk) - "Doctors make the worst patients, and MCoy most of all when a sentient, ranting wart grows out of his forehead. Does the crew have the right to end a unique lifeform just because it's annoying?" "A Private Little Wart" (A Private Little War, JonnyQuest037) - "Dr. McCoy removes an embarrassing growth from Captain Kirk." "Patterns of Farce" (Patterns of Force, Green Shirt) - "Enterprise encounters a Monty Python-like travelling troupe on a starbase." Season 3 "Spectre of the Sun" (Spectre of the Gun, Random_Spock) - "A mysterious new entity beams onto the Enterprise who claims to be from the Sun. Kirk is skeptical, Spock wonders if he's under the influence of the entity some how." "Spock's Bran" (Spock's Brain, JirinPanthosa) - "Spock contracts an alien virus whose chief symptom is severe constipation." "Spock's Train" (Spock's Brain, Random_Spock) - "The Enterprise crew help Spock search for his lost toy train he'd had since he was a boy." "Day of the Dole" (Day of the Dove, Orac) - "Captain Kirk is sacked for breaking the Prime Directive and has to collect the Federation unemployment benefit." "Pink of an Eye" (Wink of an Eye, Orac) - "Captain Kirk gets pink eye." "Wank of an Eye" (Wink of an Eye, JonnyQuest037) - "One of Star Trek's more-successful porn parodies." "That Witch Survives" (That Which Survives, Nightdiamond) - "Janice Lester returns, kills the crew of the Reliant, and is after the Genesis device and now Kirk must stop her again." (NOTE: Does not follow OP rules) "The Clod Minders" (The Cloud Minders, Green Shirt) - "Enterprise encounters a society split into two factions, the elitist clumsy dim wits and the slave miners who serve them." "The Way to Den" (The Way to Eden, JonnyQuest037) - "Kirk forgets his way around the refitted Enterprise again. Too embarrassed to ask the way to the Officer's Lounge, he spends the entire runtime just wandering the corridors of the Enterprise." Star Trek: The Animated Series Season 2 "REM" (Bem, Tim Thomason) - "Captain Kirk and the Enterprise crew run across an ancient Earth band lost in the center of the galaxy. How did they get there? What do their nonsensical ramblings over the end of the world foretell?" Star Trek: The Next Generation Season 1 "Encounter at Fartpoint" (Encounter at Farpoint, Terok Nor) - "Humanity is put on trial for the crime of flatulence." "The Naked Nob" (The Naked Now, Tosk) - "The Enterprise crew have to conduct diplomatic relations with an aristocrat from Plesium IX. Comedy ensues when they find out that Plesiums do not wear any form of clothing." "The Naked Cow" (The Naked Now, Green Shirt) - "Picard and crew encounter a ship full of apparently intoxicated people who froze to death while seemingly worshiping an image of a farm animal." "The Bottle" (The Battle, retroenzo) - "The Enterprise meets with a Ferengi vessel whose captain, DaiMon Bok, requests a meeting with Captain Picard. On arriving, Bok gives Picard a bottle of liquid that causes him to experience serious headaches. It turns out it's just beer and Picard keeps getting hangovers." "1001001" (11001001, That Old Mixer) - "A Trek BBS mod hijacks the Enterprise for a mysterious purpose. Riker gets a Warning for his holodeck activities." "Too Short a Reason" (Too Short a Season, Green Shirt) - "Two men with questionable motivation and acting skills annoy Picard as they revisit a decades old grudge." "The Neural Zone" (The Neutral Zone, JirinPanthosa) - "The Enterprise is attacked by giant brains." Season 2 "Where Silence Has Leash" (Where Silence Has Lease, retroenzo) - "Picard and the crew are put through a number of laboratory experiments by Nagilum's dog." "The Dolphin" (The Dauphin, The Old Mixer) - "An episode focusing on the Enterprise-D's chief navigator." (NOTE: Does not follow OP rules) "Mime Squared" (Time Squared, Tosk) - "Two visitors come aboard from a planet where no one ever speaks out loud, preferring to converse only with body language." "Weak Performance" (Peak Performance, Tosk) - "Wesley tries to put on a concert, to disastrous results." Season 3 "Booby Traps" (Booby Trap, Nightdiamond) - "Counselor Troi discovers that her new 3rd season dress is too tight; oh, and the ship is caught in some vicious mine field or something." "The Prick" (The Price, The Old Mixer) - "Counselor Troi gets an obnoxious love interest of the week... same plot as before." "Deja Qi" (Deja Q, JirinPanthosa) - "Data is challenged by the Zakdorn to a game of Scrabble, and wins by abusing weird two letter words." Season 4 "Fist Contact" (First Contact, Mr Soak) - "An undercover Riker has entered a combat contest on a pre-warp planet. Picard busts his chops." "Night Errors" (Night Terrors, Nightdiamond) - "The crew of the USS Brattain goes mad after discovering the name of their ship is misspelled USS Brittain on its hull. The Enterprise must find out why before it happens to them next." "The Hoss" (The Host, auntiehill) - "Beverly falls in love with an emissary from an enigmatic race of aliens. They are all large, hulking beings who, while not being all that smart, are very gentle and caring. For some strange reason, they all wear ridiculously large white hats." Season 5 "Ensign Ron" (Ensign Ro, Tosk) - "TNG reboots the Kurt Russell character, showing us his first steps up the chain of command towards Captain." "Silicone Avatar" (Silicon Avatar, Orac) - "A crossover episode between Star Trek The Next Generation and Baywatch." "Cost of Diving" (Cost of Living, Tim Thomason) - "Wesley Crusher pays a very steep cost when he discovers that the holodeck's processing ability has taken a turn for the worse." "I, Borge" (I, Borg, Tim Thomason) - "The Clown Prince of Denmark is the special guest in the first episode of the Star Trek: The Next Generation Variety Hour" "The Next Phaser" (The Next Phase, Tim Thomason) - "Worf takes a trip to Starbase 133, where he is trying to find the perfect sidearm for his new post as Chief of Security." "Tim's Arrow" (Time's Arrow, JirinPanthosa) - "A rift in time opens up and sucks some guy named Tim into the future. Tim is kind of an ass, but apparently this had some kind of butterfly effect impact on the past which prevented WW3, preventing man from ever overcoming it's differences and founding the Federation. So they have to send Tim back to the past and help him accidentally cause WW3. Tim keeps making obnoxious comments. Data ends up smacking him upside the head, bringing him one step closer to understanding what it means to be human." Season 6 "Sip in a Bottle" (Ship in a Bottle, Green Shirt) - "Barclay gets drunk on the holodeck and hallucinates that Prof. Moriarty is sentient and takes over the ship." "Chip in a Bottle" (Ship in a Bottle, Random_Spock) - "Data finds an old bottle containing a computer chip. He tries to get it out of the bottle, but the bottle shatters. Hilarity ensues as he tries to glue the bottle back together." "Rightful Hair" (Rightful Heir, Tim Thomason) - "Doctor Crusher gets rid of the blonde look." "Rightful Hair" (Rightful Heir, Random_Spock) - "Captain Picard faces off against a mysterious being to win a magical hair piece." Season 7 "Dark Sage" (Dark Page, Random_Spock) - "Captain Picard finds himself lost and runs into a force that is beyond his control." "Sub Risa" (Sub Rosa, Seven of Five) - "Dr. Crusher thinks she's about to be in one of the worst episodes to TNG ever, only to realise she was sleeping and wakes up on Risa, and the disaster is averted." "Lower D*cks" (Lower Decks, Tim Thomason) - "Lwaxana Troi interrupts the crew's shore leave to Risa." "Eye of the Beeholder" (Eye of the Beholder, Random_Spock) - "The members of the Enterprise land on a mysterious planet full of bees and it's up to Troi to find out what they want." "Blondlines" (Bloodlines, Tim Thomason) - "The origin of Doctor Crusher's new haircolor." "All Ood Things" (All Good Things, retroenzo) - "Picard starts travelling through time and finds out that he's being controlled by a strange man in a blue box as he's in pursuit of a member of the slave race called the Ood." Movies Star Trek: Fist Contact (Star Trek: First Contact, Mr Soak) - "Picard goes mano-a-mano with the Borg, starting with the lowly drones, moving on up to a final showdown with the Queen." Star Trek: Deep Space Nine Season 1 "Diet" (Duet, Bad Thoughts) - "Kira confront her feelings about a Cardassian personal trainer." "In the Bands of the Prophets" (In the Hands of the Prophets, BigDaveX) - "Vedeks Winn and Bareil are battling to take over as Kai in the time-honoured Bajoran tradition of holding rival rock concerts on Deep Space Nine. However, an extremist is trying to sabotage the event by rigging Bareil's amp to explode when he hits a certain note." Season 2 "Blood Bath" (Blood Oath, Green Shirt) - "Dax joins Kang, Koloth and Kor in a typical howling Klingon butt kicking, blood letting mission." Season 4 "Our Man Basher" (Our Man Bashir, JirinPanthosa) - "Dax discovers she had another serial killer host, a woman who hated men and would kill them by bashing them over the head with a giant mallet." Season 5 "Empok Nori" (Empok Nor, Bad Thoughts) - "The Klingon restauranteur mysteriously dies in a shuttle accident after Garak opens a competing Cardassian restaurant." Season 6 "Sacrifice of Angles" (Sacrifice of Angels, Mr Soak) - "A very boring, linear story." (NOTE: Does not follow OP rules) "Far Beyond the Stairs" (Far Beyond the Stars, Bad Thoughts) - "Benny learns new lessons about discrimination after his run-in with the police make him blind and paraplegic." "In the Kale Moonlight" (In the Pale Moonlight, Vandervecken) - "Quark orders several tons of Gagh for all the Klingons now on R and R at the station during the war. Unfortunately, he's been shipped several tons of kale instead, and is forced to sell protein shakes at the bar to move the stuff. After drinking some shakes, Morn trips, Odo dissolves, Kira has sex, and Avery Brooks develops an underactive thyroid, which causes his voice to actually move beyond a monotone and lines him up for an Emmy. Worf declares the shake "a warrior's drink," because choking it down certainly is an act of bravery, and peer pressure causes all the other Klingons to buy the shakes in droves (Worf goes on to a media career as "the Most Interesting Klingon in the Galaxy"). Quark gets rich, buys a seat on the Federation Council, and now Patrick Stewart faces the acting quandary of debating the first 10 Rules of Acquisition as some of the Federation's "most solemn laws and deeply held convictions" with a straight face." Season 7 "Prodigal Draughter" (Prodigal Daughter, Bad Thoughts) - "Ezri disappoints her family once again when she refuses to compete for the Federation checkers championship for which she has been groomed all her life." "The Channing Face of Evil" (The Changing Face of Evil, Bad Thoughts) - "The Breen attack San Francisco and Starfleet headquarters with drag queens singing Hello, Dolly." Star Trek: Voyager Season 1 "Time and Agarn" (Time and Again, Green Shirt) - "Janeway and Paris encounter a subspace fracture which transports them through time and space. They end up at Fort Courage in the old American West, where they meet up with a certain army corporal. Hilarity ensues." Season 7 "Nightinale" (Nightingale, Random_Spock) - "Chakotay finds a bottle of ancient ale on the ship and proceeds to get drunk. He wakes up the next morning with no memory of what he did the night before." "Porkforce" (Workforce, JirinPanthosa) - "Voyager is commandeered by the pig people." "Warkforce" (Workforce, JirinPanthosa) - "Voyager is commandeered by chocobos." Star Trek: Enterprise Season 1 "Broken Bowl" (Broken Bow, Tim Thomason) - "Captain Archer is put in charge of delivering the ancient million-year old urn of the Kreetassan Emperor. Shenanigans ensue." Season 2 "A Knight in Sickbay" (A Night in Sickbay, BigDaveX) - "While visiting a strange medieval world, the Enterprise crew unwittingly injure one of the natives and have to bring him aboard, where Phlox's attempts to treat him are hindered by the man's constantly saying the word 'Ni!'" "Varnishing Point" (Vanishing Point, Green Shirt) - "Hoshi disappears after an apparent transporter accident and the only way she is able to alert the crew is to sand and varnish all the decorative wood surfaces aboard ship." Star Trek: Discovery Other "Diss-covery" (Discovery, Tim Thomason) - "The new crew get in a rap battle."
Further adventures of the time-travelling Tim (no relation!): "The Naked Tim" - Tim gets drunk and stumbles around the Enterprise, au naturel. "The Tim Trap" - To stop that jerk Tim, Captains Kirk and Kor team up (at the behest of the galactic community) and plan a way to trap Tim and his obnoxious behavior. "Tim Squared" - Tim messes around with the time rift again, and creates multiple versions of himself, annoying the Enterprise crew and Captain Picard. Picard gets fed up and finally straight-up murders the original Tim. Or did he? "A Matter of Tim" - Tim comes back from a vacay to the 22nd century with all sorts of Enterprise-related memorabilia. Worf, not wanting to acknowledge Enterprise as canon, places Tim under arrest. "Tim Escape" - Tim escapes from prison, and enlists the Romulans to aide him in pranking the Enterprise. They go a bit overboard. "Hard Tim" - Miles O'Brien runs across a sex tape created by Tim. He's scarred for life. "Children of Tim" - Tim sabotages the Defiant to form an alternate timeline where he doesn't have to pay child support. "A Tim to Stand" - The Federation abandons Tim on Deep Space 9 in the hopes that he will be executed by the Dominion. "Tim's Orphan" - Tim has long since vanished, but he leaves his teenage son on the O'Briens doorstep. O'Brien, still traumatized, wants nothing to do with the kid. "Tim and Again" - Tim has used his time rift mastery to show up in the Delta Quadrant. Destroying a planet or two in the process. Whoops. "Once Upon a Tim" - Naomi Wildman is warned of the dangers of Tim, who sneaks aboard the Voyager pretending to be a hologram (the usual way in). "Timless" - Harry Kim crashes the Voyager into a planet, killing all onboard, in order to get rid of Tim. Getting the message, Tim reverses time and leaves in a huff.
Fortunate SOB: Mayweather tries to convince some boomers to trust Starfleet, but comes off as an arrogant jerk a la Wesley Crusher. The Dogs of Gwar: unexpectedly, Rom becomes the king of shock rock! Endlame: Janeway hatches preposterous plan that defeats the Borg and gets Voyager back to earth, all the while ignoring the characters who made the series for seven season to the point of annoying fans. (Essentially, the same plot as Endgame.)
Elain Of Troyius - A selfish, near evil, manipulative woman meets Kirk and nearly gets the Enterprise destroyed. Kirk falls in love with her, but can he save everyone in time? Guest stars Elaine from Seinfeld .
Babe: Sequel to Porkforce where we learn the pig people are lead by a sheep herding pig made sapient and immortal by alien experiments on ancient Earth.
"The Enema" After eating Riker's cooking the crew of the Enterprise becomes terminally constipated. Doctor Crusher must find a cure STAT!
Good job. I wonder if we can complete the entire series. "Fudd's Women" - Elmer visits the Enterprise chasing three female rabbits. He gets annoyed when he finds out that the rabbits are all Bugs Bunny in drag. Again. "Digger of the Mind" - Kirk and the Enterprise crew beam down to a penal colony to find that it's been taken over by JCB, intent on turning all starships into excavation vehicles.
"Q Whom?" Q drags the Enterprise across space and time to encounter a mysterious race of beings who correct their grammar.
"The Trouble With Trimbles" - While visiting Deep Space Station K-7, The Enterprise is visiting by Bjo Trimble, researching the book "The Star Trek Concordance". While Scotty has a fight with some Klingons, Bjo Trimble works out a way to clone herself so she can write her book quicker.
In wake of what I just posted in the "worst plot resolutions" thread, I just had to post this one: "Fear Doctor" - Tucker is badly hurt in an engineering accident, but is too afraid to go and see Phlox about his injuries after witnessing him persuade Archer to let the Valakian race die out, fearful that Phlox might just euthanise him.
DS9 "Babes" A group of beautiful women appears on the station, making almost everyone unable to speak coherently.