Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #456: Research Agreement

[LeadHead]

Hello and welcome to the new contest!

First up to the plate, we have the "Turn on the lights, the party's over!" Award, going to Nebusj for:

Pardek: ``My parents! They're home already! Everybody, we gotta clean this place up right now!''



Next, we have the "Help from the Bullpen" Award, going to Shivkala for:

Tore: I can't beat this level of Candy Crush, can you help?


Next, we have the "Civilized Arguments" Award, going to Triskelion for:

Ral: I'm sensing unconfidence.
Troi: Well I'm sensing duplicity.
Ral: Oh yeah? I'm sensing frustration!
Troi: And I'm sensing fear and embarrassment!
Ral: And I'm sensing someone didn't brush her teeth this morning!
Troi: And I'm sensing anal leakage!
Picard: Sorry, that one's me.


Next, we have the "Bender Bending Rodriguez Appreciation Award" going to Nerys Myk for:

LORE: Here's to killing all the humans and grounding their bones to dust beneath our feet!

DATA: Yes. here's to...wait, what?


Next, we have the "Chaos on the Bridge Part II: Employment Lawsuit" Award, going to tharpdavenport, for:

"Ah, miss Muldaur, it's a message from Mr. Roddenbery: You're services will not longer be required..."

The award goes to The Laughing Vulcan for:

First Officer's Log: "The mission to Lameassia 3 is going unexpectedly well. Apparently for this planet's native species, laser pointers are a lethal weapon, giving us a distinct advantage in the negotiations."

Our KBL goes to f14peter for:

PICARD: "Okay, anyone here who has not slept with the Counselor, raise your hand ... ... ... anyone? ... ... ... c'mon, there has to be someone besides me ... ... ... Premier! Even you too?????"

BHAVANI: "What can I say, negotiations were going slow that day, the Counselor and I were in 10-Forward having a few drinks and ... well, one thing led to another"


Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

And now, lets break out the tricorders and see some of the universe!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Captain's Log, after infiltrating Apple HQ, we have discovered that they do have better batteries for smart phones, but refuse to use them as part of some sort of evil conspiracy...

Leffler: So since I already know your mother, when you're back on Earth, I'd like for you to meet my mom. She even lives near Starfleet Academy! You could go by for Sunday dinner every week!

Data: The Chronitons system in Star Trek Timelines is most irritating.

Riker: Riker to Ghostbusters...

Engineers: Why are we letting the kid run all of this again?

 

[JesterFace]

RIKER: These Christmas lights suck! NO blue lights! There should be red and green and yellow and orange... Last time you are in charge of the Christmas decorations Beverly, even Worf's purple Grionarog intestine Christmas lights fit the mood better!

 

[tharpdevenport]

Data: "Well?"

Geordi: "Well, what?"

Data: "Well, what do you think?"

Geordi: "I'm not quite with you here, Data. What am I supposed to say?"

Data: "I want to know: is that normal?"

Geordi: "What? Taking photographs of it and showing it to your mates?"

Beverly: "Well, as you can clearly see, the interior is blue, but the tricorder indicates it's purple."

Wesley: "Bitch be playin' with my shit."

 

[HMS Ark Royal]

"First Officer's Log: Supplemental... Using designs from 20th Century Earth, known as Project InnerSpace, Doctor Crusher and I have entered Mr Mott's testicles to repair damage sustained from a freak hairdressing accident

 

[Finn]

Data: According to the ship's logs, this is "Blue Matter" used to stop a supernova by turning it into a singularity, done by someome from the far future. Pegasus was never ruined in that timeline.

Picard: But that was another life. Not ours.

Geordi: Why did you get a text from Leah?

 

[JirinPanthosa]

PICARD: Analysis Mr Data?
DATA: If you put your finger on the glass, the electricity attracts to your finger.
PICARD: Cool.

ROBIN LEFLER: Lefler's law number 56. Always flirt with the boy genius to make your boyfriend jealous.

DATA: This is the love poetry you wrote?
GEORDI: Yeah, it is.
DATA: This stanza is remarkably similar to the first stanza of 'Ode to Spot'.
GEORDI: Yeah. Women respond to it better than the poetry I wrote myself.

BEVERLY: The readings are off the charts. I think all these glowing creatures are highly evolved beings that once had humanoid form like us.
RIKER: Is the universal translator picking up anything?
BEVERLY: Yes, it is. They are saying "We are more evolved than you. Ha ha ha ha ha. Unevolved idiots."
RIKER: Yikes. Now we know how it feels.

ENSIGN (Whispering): Got the KICK ME sign ready?
OTHER ENSIGN (Whispering): I've got the tape.

 

[Triskelion]

T4TW, LeadHead!

Picard: Shakaree!
Worf: Qui'Tu!
Data: It's only a model.

Wesley: Is that a hot plate? You're not allowed to have a hot plate.
Robin: Bite me, narc.

Data: No Geordi, I have searched my date invitation databanks, and I have not found the meaning of this reply "LaLOL".

Crusher: This is the best blue job my tricorder has ever recorded.
Riker: Not mine.

Wesley: Is it plugged in?
Worker: Are you a virgin?
Wesley: <sigh> A simple "yes" will suffice.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Picard: "Mr. Data, what are your results?"

Data: "After hours of extensive research, thousands of algorithmic decoding programs, and cross-referencing the Vulcan subspace library, I have come to the conclusion captain that it is safe to say this race had blue balls."

 

[T'Ressa Dax]

Picard: Data! What is the password?
Data: The password is...is...Ask the Magic Blue Ball. ::turns off::

 

[shivkala]

Thanks for the win, Leadhead!

Data: I'll try, but the Iconians were ancient.

Picard: How old?

Data: They are running DOS.

Lefler: Just let me reverse the polarity and create a feedback loop using this wave generator I've built out of spare parts.

Wesley: Hey, that's my thing! Captain Picard has said there's only room for one young genius who uses technology to solve the ship's problems.

Lefler: I know. Pack your bags, Wesley, they like me better.

LaForge: Here's the research from the Hekarans that the Captain sent over.

Data: Is it peer-reviewed? You know I can not accept any research that is not peer-reviewed.

Crusher: According to the tricorder, it's some kind of bio-luminescence that's producing a glowing blue light.

Riker: So, basically it confirms something that is readily observable. Great, now the tricorder is just as effective as Deanna.

Engineering Lt.: Engineer's Log: The damn kid showed us up again! All those years at Starfleet Academy in the Engineering school for nothing!

 

[Admiral Shran]

DATA: It appears to open a trans-dimensional doorway to a planet in the Gamma Quadrant inhabited by a race called the Jem'Hadar.
PICARD: Well, they shouldn't pose too much of a problem. Let's go!

Ensign Lefler, personal log, supplemental - And then the "boy genius" actually thought taking me to the lab to decode a video game was a good idea for a first date. LOL!

DATA: Seriously, Geordi? White after Labor Day?!
LAFORGE: *sigh*

RIKER: Do you honestly need a tricorder to tell something's not right here, Beverly?!

WESLEY: Hmm, what's this? Barclay Program 625-c - Tellerite midget / Klingon Furry porn. Sounds interesting.
TECHNICIAN #2 - Damn, kid! You really need to get out more.

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Thanks for the Log Entry victory!

Data: "I am so going to kick your puny French ass, sir!"
Picard: "I have a hadoken with your name on it, Pinocchio!"
Worf: "Three hours and the Klingon still hasn't had a go on Street Fighter Next Generations. Hello, Klingon, warrior, remember?"
Picard: "Judging by your hand-to-hand combat record, you'd just get your butt pwned by Chun-Li."

Robin: "Lefler's rule 53, just be one of the guys when on a date. It's more fun..."
Wesley: "Yeah, but farting the Hallelujah Chorus?"

Geordi: "It's there in black and white."
Data: "Indeed. The Enterprise computer does indeed have just 5 kiloquads of storage capacity left, out of 5 trillion teraquads."
Geordi: "Look at the breakdown."
Data: "The Enterprise operating system takes up 5 teraquads, historical and cultural databases for Federation planets and species takes just under 1000 teraquads, non aligned and hostile species takes up 806 teraquads, the scientific database takes up 6500 teraquads or therabouts, the holodeck systems require 10,650 teraquads, the replicator pattern banks take 45,000 teraquads, the medical database is 100,000 teraquads, stellar cartography gets 140,000 teraquads, linguistics makes do with 75,000 teraquads, a million teraquads capacity is assigned to the transporter buffers as standard, and 50,000 teraquads are required for sundry systems and data storage."
Geordi: "... and..."
Data: "4.879 trillion teraquads is full of furry android porn."
Geordi: "Well?"
Data: "Message received Geordi, I shall delete the life support protocols. That should release another 150 kiloquads."

Riker: "Well, Doctor? Your opinion."
Crusher: "The pattern enhancers and the temporal discriminator have made the aliens visible. I suggest installing iOS 9.3 on the enhancers and using night shift mode if you want a decent night's sleep."

Wesley: "Hey guys, want to hear a joke? How many Starfleet engineers does it take to change an isolinear chip?"
Riker os: "Kirby, if you stick that probe where I think you want to stick it, you'll have to explain to his mother."

 

[Finn]

Wheaton: I have a feeling I'd be doing cameo appearances on a sitcom about geeks sometimes in the next century. Are you game?

Judd: Gawd, NO! Not after winning a couple Oscars. I bet I'll get one before Leonard DiCarpio

 

[Hutchy01]

Wheaton: I have a feeling I'd be doing cameo appearances on a sitcom about geeks sometimes in the next century. Are you game?

Judd: Gawd, NO! Not after winning a couple Oscars. I bet I'll get one before Leonard DiCarpio

Wheaton: Be that as it may I have a theory that you want to Big Bang?

 

[Finn]

[Takei]Oh, My[/Takei]

 

[Leviathan]

Riker: Damn. We've wandered into 'Quantum Leap'.

 

[Leviathan]

Picard: I'm going to give you a little advice. There's a force in the universe that makes things happen. And all you have to do is get in touch with it, stop thinking, let things happen, and be the ball. Just be the ball, be the ball, be the ball. You're not being the ball Data.

Data: It's hard when you're talking like that.

Worf: ...I still can't find that gopher....

 

[Triskelion]

Geordi: I don't like these readings.
Data: A Monastic Renaissance at St Albans... The Social and Political Legacies of a Victorian Prophet Ruski... Bayle, Jurieu, and the Dictionnaire Historique et Critique... The Provincial Newspaper Trade in the Eighteenth Century...
You are right, Geordi. But we had better notify the Captain. He may still want to quote them at some point.

Riker: Doctor, what does your tricorder say?
Crusher: Ex-Plor Technology Manufacturers, Akron, Ohio.

 

[Leviathan]

LaForge: I found your PADD Data. Cylon poetry? "Musings on the Terminator"? ....I'm showing the captain.

 

[Hutchy01]

LaForge: Look what Leah sent me!