TNG Caption This! #419: ERROR: Amusing Title Not Found

[LeadHead]

Hello and welcome to the new caption contest!

First up to the plate, we have the "Glad that's done" Award, going to:

"It's okay, it's okay -- they're done filming 'Code of Honor'..."

Next, we have the "Human Resources Compaint" Award, going to:

Troi begins to suspect Riker was pranking her with ``Naked Day''.

Next, we have the "Sincerity" Award, going to:

Riker: Now, apologize to the CONN officer, or go to your room.

Worf: *quietly* I'm sorry.

Riker: What? I can't hear you.

Worf: *shouting* I'M SORRY!

Next, we have the "International Media" Award, going to:

Meany: Wake me up when a low budget Irish film needs me.

Next, we have the "Negotiations" Award, going to:

RIKER: I will win this simulation, because I am a risk taker, and you are lame.
PICARD: HAHA! I will draw this simulation, by negotiating a truce with you.
RIKER: Good idea. Why don't you lower your weapons and shields as a gesture of good will?
PICARD: Sure, I will...heeeeyyyyy.

While there was only one Photoshop entry, it was very worthy of the Photoshop Award!

PICARD: I am so not paying the bill for this

Data: Second Officer's Log, supplemental. The mushrooms were indeed a bad idea. They have, however, given me valuable insight into psychosis.

Picard: "I've always wanted to say this...Fire at Will!"

Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

Here we go with our new contest!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Picard: Mister Data, I'll thank you not to watch National Spacegraphic while I'm talking to you.

Riker: Are you going to take Ops?

Worf: I was there yesterday, I like to go back and forth between standing and sitting stations. Better for my back that way.

Siri: I'm sorry, I couldn't find a "Captain's Log." Would you like me to run a search for it?

Worf: You're under arrest for trying to explain how transporters work.

La Forge: Now enter a password you'll remember.

Picard: Can't I use some sort of auto-fill program?

La Forge: You're the Captain of the flagship of the Federation, you receive a dozen top secret transmissions every day, is it too much to ask for you to remember your own login and password?

Picard:......Yes.

 

[Mutai Sho-Rin]

In with the stickyswitch.

 

[LeadHead]

Worf: LeadHead, you are under arrest for Mutai Sho-Rin Stickyswitching this contest before you sent him a notification.

(Thanks for the stickyswitch )

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: The skant is no longer regulation.

DATA: I'm bringing it back.

LAFORGE: One word. "Underwear."

Rumor has it two of these characters will be gone before the series ends, My money is on the Klingon and Commander Buttchin. Precocious kids and kick ass chicks are too cool to lose.

PICARD: Impressed? You should be, I was top of my class in Clerical Sciences at the Academy.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Picard: "Drat! My armrest control panel lid just catapulted my Mentos under your seat, Ensign."

 

[tharpdevenport]

Thanks. CoH is enough to make almost anybody crawl up into a ball and weap.

Geordi: "Data, why did you cut a large hole into your crotch?"

Picard: "Mr. Data, I will only order you one... more... time to stop... you are NOT Sharon Stone; if you uncross your legs again..."

 

[JirinPanthosa]

PICARD: Data, we need to talk. We think your modesty subroutine is malfunctioning.
GEORDI: Yeah, Data. When you are on the bridge, you need to be wearing pants.

RIKER: So you're telling me, not everybody finds me charming.

PICARD: Is that a flask taped underneath the ops station? Come on now. Being on the bridge isn't that boring.

BARCALAY: NO! I won't go in the transporter! Every time we go in the transporter we die and are replaced by a soulless double!
GEORDI: Reg, what did I tell you about reading TrekBBS?

PICARD: See? I remember exactly how to work this console. See? I just raised the shields.
(Lights go off on the Bridge)

 

[Jonas Grumby]

LaForge: "Woah, easy, Reg!"
Worf "What's wrong with him, Commander?"
LaForge: "This was his first shore leave on Wrigley's Pleasure Planet."
Worf: "Ah. I understand."

 

[HIjol]

Picard: "Mr. Data, I'm afraid I have some bad news...Tasha is dead. Data, I do not think you fully appreciate the meaning of "fully functional", nor did she."

Geordi: "Data, what were you thinking? 15 hours?"

Data: "Correction, Geordi; 15 hours, 12 minutes, 37 seconds..."

<why in the hell did Zimmerman and Sternbach move the view screen over there...???>

(Picard thinks to self)
Now, I know the stage directions in the script said to simulate the Inertial Dampers going offline...!

"Oh, it was...horrible!...I saw...a 20th century vehicle...a "van", I believe it was called...there was this music playing, like an old-style March and a loud man with a cigar...there was a large guy driving...he was covered in...gold metal...and another man...he had...women...and good looks...like Commander Riker...oh, it was...terrible!!!"

Yes, yes sir, that's good! Left Hand, C, D, E,....no, no sir, not F#, F!...yes, that's it!, C, D, E, F, G...now let's add the Right Hand...



Enjoy![/QUOTE]

 

[Smellincoffee]

Thanks for the win!

Barclay: My god! It's full of stars.
Geordi: Yeah, Reg, we call it 'space'.

LaForge: Captain.
Picard, offhand: Yes, Geordi?
LaForge: Why are you checking my Fleet comnet history?
Picard: It's a three-day trip to our next objective, Geordi, I need ideas.

Picard: Can you identify this planet, Data?
Data: It is...it is green.
LaForge: He's been doing this ever since we rescued Captain Scott. The man did something to him, captain, I'm sure of it.
Picard: Data, can you correct the image on the display to reflect its genuine color?
Data: I cannae change the laws of optics, cap'n.
Picard: *sigh* Have we tried turning him off and then back on?

Troi: Very good, we have 'Pensive' down pat. Now, let's try for 'Ready to Fight, But Open for Negotiation.'
Everyone but Troi, thinking: I hate Body Language Awareness Day.

 

[Nerys Myk]

LAFORGE: First time at a Betazoid wedding, Reg?

 

[Nerys Myk]

WORF: If that Crusher kid was right behind me, mocking me. You'd let me know, right?

RIKER: Of course.

 

[Avro Arrow]

Barclay: I'm just saying, that should have been the title for contest 404 instead!
LaForge: Take it easy, Reg. You just need a nice long rest. Let's get you to sickbay.

 

[LeadHead]

Barclay: I'm just saying, that should have been the title for contest 404 instead!

La Forge: You're right Reg. LeadHead told me he originally had "ERROR 404: Amusing Title Not Found" as the thread title, then realized he was 15 contests late for that to work, so he took out the 404 before starting the thread.

 

[tharpdevenport]

No amusing comments -- just wondering if anybody else noticed this for the first time: the brown thigns on the captain's chair open and close. Well, at least the old ones pictured here; I think the newer ones later on with lights were stationary. I don't even remembe4r seeing him open or close one before (though maybe I'm wrong).

 

[Triskelion]

LaForge: Maybe stiletto heels aren't the way to go for your away mission to Starfleet Headquarters.

Picard: What's the sequence? 445 235 532 then 234 or 235?
Geordi: No, those sequences open the cargo bay doors with or without a shield, respectively. You want 445 235 532 237.
Picard: This one?
Geordi: 445 235 532 237. That one was 445 234 532 237. Now you're venting plasma through every other flow regulator on the ship.
Picard: But you specifically said 445 234 532 237!
Geordi: Why would I want you to vent plasma through every other flow regulator on the ship? We'd risk an overload in the magnetic containment fields of the warp engine! 445 235 532 237!
Picard: 443?
Geordi: 445! I'm pointing at it!
Picard: 44.5?
Geordi: Now you're dumping waste extraction before purging the biofilters!
Picard: Where's the Any key?
Geordi: FOR THE LOVE OF SHAKAREE TURN OFF THE LEFT BLINKER! WHERE'D YOU GET YOUR LICENSE, ON PAKLED??
Picard: Where's the thermostat, I'm freezing!
Geordi: It's ninety degrees in here already!
Picard: If that were true we would be melting!
Geordi: It's Fahrenheit, not Celsius!
Picard: Whatever happened to the USS Celsius?
Geordi: It was the USS Kelvin, you sporogenous lifeform!
Picard: These blinky buttons will give me the epilepsy.
Geordi: THEY WILL NOT GIVE YOU THE EPILEPSY!
Picard: Whatever happened to putting little pictures on the buttons? I liked that.
Geordi: YOU'RE REMEMBERING YOUR SUMMER WORKING AT MCDONALD'S AGAIN!
Picard: Which button turns on the fryalator?
Geordi: THERE IS NO FRYALATOR!
Picard: Helm! Full power to the fries!
Geordi: THAT WAS THIRTY-FIVE YEARS AGO!!!
Picard: I want a Happy Meal.
Geordi: YOU CAN'T HAVE A HAPPY MEAL! WE AREN'T GOING TO MCDONALD'S!
Picard: I WANT A HAPPY MEAL! AND ONE WITH A PROPER TOY! NONE OF THIS MOVIE TIE-IN CRAP!
Geordi: MCDONALD'S DOESN'T DO REQUESTS!
Picard: Ah ha! So we are going to McDonalds then!
Geordi: STOP PURGING THE BIOFILTERS!
Picard: But you said -
Geordi: I DON'T CARE WHAT I SAID! THEY WERE ALREADY PURGED THE FIRST TIME!!!
Picard: You don't know that!
Geordi: YES! I DO!
Picard: Geordi...
Geordi: WHAT!
...
Picard: Why is the Crystalline Entity shaped like a snowflake?
Geordi: I don't know, perhaps its molecular structure - I WILL CUT OFF THAT FINGER WITH A KLINGON SUICIDE KNIFE IF YOU DON'T STOP PURGING THE BIOFILTERS!!!

Picard: Data, I know you are just trying to be more human, but you can't keep a tribble in your trousers.
Data: Cat in the chaps?
Geordi: No.
Data: Sehlat in the skant?
...
Data: Cytraxian cricket in the thicket?
Picard: Please stop.

 

[shivkala]

I mean this with all due "sincerity," thanks for the win, Leadhead!

Geordi: Data, the Captain and I decided it was time to talk to you about the birds and the bees.

Data: I fail to see why creatures of the class aves and insecta should be a topic of discussion for me.

Picard: Sex, Data, it's time we discussed sex with you.

Data: If you are referring to sexuality, I am... fully functional, programmed in... multiple techniques.

Geordi: Yeah, we talked to Lt. D'Sora. Apparently, Dr. Soong had some, well, selfish views on sexuality.

Picard: Foreplay, man, you've got to get her in the mood.

Geordi: And there's nothing wrong with cuddling afterwards, instead of rolling over and initiating your snoring sounds routine.

Data: Lt. Commander's Log-Apparently, the crew believes they can beat me in a game they call a "staring contest."

Guinan: This is Ten Forward, Captain. Order the bridge crew's breakfast when you're ready.

Picard: I'd like 'rullers, 'ugar, 'nuts and a Kirk 'cup... And then I think I would like a large... ...with 'eam. And could I please have 'elly donut and... ...raspberry and a 'nge drink?

Guinan: What?

Picard: I'm sorry. And 'eaker 'oken.

Guinan: Let me recap the order. A cruller, two sugar donuts, a large coffee with cream, a raspberry jelly doughnut, orange drink, a box of five-holes.

Picard: Yeah.

Guinan: Thank you. Send Ensign Crusher down to pick it up.

Crusher: Yeah, no, I'm okay, just had both my legs phasered and this man is near death. But, please, do help Reggie first, he's a just little shaken, that should take priority. Jag-offs.

Geordi: No, don't press that, it'll eject the warp core!

Picard: But, I told you, I wanted to learn everything you do. And, you eject the warp core pretty often.

Geordi: I'm not saying we're not going to learn that, but you have to do it from egineering. You've got to learn how to roll under the closing door while you eject the warp core!

Picard: I knew I made you chief engineer for a reason!



http://www.trekbbs.com//www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/

 

[Finn]

Picard: What's this? *alive feed of Leah Brahm's Sonic Shower pops up*

Geordi: Crap

 

[Finn]

Picard: I'm astonished at what you have done. You managed to humiliate two highly decorated Starfleet Commanders. One of them saved the Federation from the Borg.

Geordi: I sure didn't think you'd pull it off. You better go and apologize.

Data: Yes, sir. In my defense, Riker also thought Ben Franklin was once President, and Deanna thought the warp engines were in the front of the saucer section.