TNG Caption This! #417: The Best of Both Silver Anniversaries

[LeadHead]

Good evening everyone! Sorry for the late start, all is well. Just a busy weekend.

First up to the plate, we have the "One can only hope" Award, going to:

Barclay: So, technically, when I rematerialize, It will be an entirely different me

O'Brien: I certainly am hoping so, Sir.

Next, we have the "Warrior's drink" Award, going to:

Ro: You're telling me Worf, the big bad security guard, drinks PRUNE JUICE?
Guinan: Well, yes and no. Prune juice is code for vodka with a splash of prune juice.

Next, we have "The wait is hardest part" Award, going to:

Wesley: Prom's tomorrow night, sir.
Picard: ...merde.

Next, we have the "Doctor-Patient Confidentiality" Award, going to:

Ogawa (checking tricorder): "He's exhausted."
Riker: "I can't get any sleep. I keep waking up in a cold sweat. These dreams..."
Crusher: "What kind of dreams?"
Riker: "Disturbingly violent dreams. With lots of kinky S&M. With me and...and Nurse Ogawa."
*awkward pause*
Ogawa: "Perhaps I should leave."
Crusher: "That's probably a good idea."
Riker: "Thank you, Nurse."
Ogawa: "You'll record this, though, so I can watch it later, right?"
Crusher (sighs): "Fine."

Next, we have the "Optimism, Commander!" Award, going to:

Data: "It is a glass filled with equal volumes of liquid and air."

LaForge: "His optimism/pessimism chip's broken again."

Our Photoshop Award, goes to:

Transporter Chief's Personal Log: Why did everyone start an awkward silence when I said one day I'd become such an important character I'd get both a first and a middle name?

Riker: I take it Worf took it rather well?

Crusher: Well he didn't kill you for arranging a surprise party with blackjack and hookers.

Riker: It took ages to find that many Klingon card dealers.

Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

And now, for our new contest, I know I should've seen this one coming but "The Best of Both Worlds" turned 25 this week! (June 16th 1990)

I know we just had a couple of pictures from BOBW a couple of weeks ago, but for me, this is a Silver Anniversary that should not be ignored. Still for me, one of Trek's Best episodes, if not THE best.

Let's begin!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Riker: It's our poker night, Admiral. There's always an open seat for you.

Hanson: Another time, Commander. Your Captain and I have to talk about you behind your back.

Shelby: Data, fluctuate some technobabble that'll get us the $&#@ outta here!

La Forge: Commander, we're tracking some strange messages from the Borg Collective Consciousness.

Wesley: (reading) Shut up Wesley...

Worf: These Phasers have been re-synced. Each has a different frequencey spanning the upper EM band and a new U2 album.

Riker: Don't worry, Deanna. We'll get the Captain back.

Wesley: Commander, that interior decorator you contacted is here to take a look at the Ready Room.

 

[Ithekro]

Thank you.

Riker: Halfsies, Admiral?

Hanson: Straight down the middle, port and starboard. None of your top and bottom nonsense you give your Captain.

Riker: Shelby?

Shelby: I just work here for the promotions.

Riker (thinking): She didn't put her leg on Ops. A first officer is always suppose to show confidance by raising a leg defiantly in these situations.

Shelby: Data. Rotate the setting, keep them guessing.

Riker (thinking): Also who is that one with the ponytail back there. I might need to conduct a review later.

Riker: You have a concern about the Captain, Geordi?

La Forge: If we can't get him back, that means we nearly all go up in rank and station, right?

Riker: If we don't get him back, I guess so.

La Forge: So you become captain, Data or Worf become first officer, I bump up to Ops I guees, so does that mean Wesley takes my old job again and becomes Chief Engineer?

Riker: Let's focus on getting back Captain Picard, first.

Data: Sir. This phaser appear to be set for "silly".

Shelby: The Borg do not have a sense of humor, Data. I see that as a weakness to exploit.

Worf: Everything can be used as a weapon.

Riker: As this ship's new Captain, I will say that I did not approve you to be the first officer, so please remove yourself from that chair.

Troi: I am here to make sure all this power doesn't go to your head.

Riker: Worf, get her off my bridge! I don't need her to plot the downfall of Starbase 47, and get acting Chief Engineer Crusher to turn down the lights. I want moody lighting practise before I gloat over their fallen commander.

Troi: I sense hostility.

 

[Hutchy01]

Data: Commander Shelby , I assure you I am fully functionalin every way, of course. I am programmed in multiple techniques. A broad variety of pleasuring.


In other ne\/\/s the Double-u key on my Toshiba satellite c55-a-1HN has broken ... not good hen I'm restarting Skyrim. any tips on hat to do (other than have a go at the ankers that made it)

 

[Triskelion]

TFTW Leadhead! Wishing you a resistance-free BoBW Borgiversary!

Hanson: If you can guess Commander Shelby's full name right now, I'll give you a ship.
Riker: Let's see...Commander Elizabeth Paula Shelby?
Hanson: The books aren't canon. Promotion denied.
Riker: Hoisted on my own Picard!

Shelby: Ensign Crusher blew the Boatswain and called the Coxswain to the gangway. Pass it on.
Data: ...?

 

[Finn]

Shelby: ...Thank you, Commander....By the way I'm Elizabeth not Tasha.

Data: Sorry, You reminded me of someone else.

 

[Hutchy01]

Riker: Hoisted on my own Picard!

Can this line just \/\/in no\/\/

 

[Jonas Grumby]

TFTW, LeadHead!

Hanson: "That's right, Commander. I'm placing Commander Shelby in overall command of this mission. You'll answer to her. . . . Oh, don't look so surprised! I may be old, but I'm not dead!"

Shelby (whispering): "Psst! Data, I'm taking up a collection for a going away present for Commander Riker. Would you like to contribute?"
Data: "I was not aware that Commander Riker was leaving."
Shelby: "Neither is he."

Troi: "Why do I sense the image of a train going into a tunnel from you every time Ro Laren walks by?"

 

[Rat Boy]

Riker: "It's our poker night, Admiral. There's always an open seat for you."

Hanson: "Strip poker?"

Riker: "...no."

Hanson: "Then I'll pass."

Shelby: "Data...why aren't you wearing pants?"

Riker: "Rookie mistake. That's why I lean on the other side; the left arm hides the android man bits."

Geordi: "Commander, the computer indicates that if we execute this plan, then everyone will try to copy it for the next twenty-five years and get progressively worse each time."

Riker: "The deflector dish?"

Data: "Negative. The cliff hangar."

Worf: "Data, you are pointing that at the doctor while you're trying to service it! Doesn't anyone watch my safety training videos?!"

Data: "Negative."

Crusher: "Nope."

Shelby: "I just got here."

Riker: "...I think I found the captain's missing paperweight. I'll be in sickbay having this taken out of my anus."

 

[shivkala]

Riker: *Before entering Ready Room with Shelby* Oh man, Admiral Hanson, I heard he was a real ladies man in his day, but then he gained some weight, and went bald.

Shelby: It's like looking at yourself in 30 years, isn't it?

Riker: Aw, crap, that's my future...

Data: Fascinating.

Shelby: Commander? I don't see anything interesting here.

Data: I was not referring to the information here. I was referring to the fact that, though I lack the ability to have emotions, the fact that you are micromanaging me has created a feeling of extreme annoyance. Even Wesley has not been able to do that.

Geordi: Engineer's Log: One advantage of this VISOR is that Commander Riker never realizes I am actually rolling my eyes.

Data: Actually, I can not claim credit for modifying the phasers. Wesley was actually the one, he claimed the inspiration came from a strobe light he watched once while he was, "Tripping balls on E."

Crusher: I know, as a Doctor, I should be upset my son is doing drugs. But, seriously, it keeps him out of my hair for a few hours, so, I pretend I don't know he's doing it.

Riker: Is it because I ordered us to fire on the Captain?

Troi: No. I told you, I'm fine.

Riker: Look, Deanna, can we not do this now, I'm in the middle of trying to rescue the Captain from the Borg.

Troi: It's fine, I told you.

Riker: Damn it, Deanna, can we not do this now.

Troi: It's never a good time for you, is it?


http://www.trekbbs.com//www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Riker: "FYI, purple is not your color."
Troi: "FYI, starship command is not your forte."
Riker: "Geez, there's no reason to get personal!"

 

[Nerys Myk]

SHELBY (sotto voce): Pretend what I'm saying makes sense. I'm bucking for promotion here.

DATA: Anyone have a couple of spare AA batteries?

RIKER: I could get used to this...What? We're still rescuing the Captain!

 

[tharpdevenport]

Admiral: "Ahhh, commander, I'm, ah, I'm flattered but, ah, I'm really not interested in '50 shades of beard'..."

Data: "Curious. I was unaware this phaser type had a vibrate setting. It appears to be fully functional."

 

[Nerys Myk]

HANSON: Bourbon and beans are an explosive combination.

 

[Finn]

Troi: How much longer are we going to leave the Captain on the holodeck? He thinks he's on the real Enterprise.

Riker: I haven't thought about it....Wesley, set a course for Risa.

Troi: Putting in my mother was a bit too much. Don't you think?

 

[Triskelion]

Thanks Hutchy01!

Riker: We were on a break.

Troi: She had gills!

 

[JirinPanthosa]

SHELBY: Good evening Commander Riker. I'm here to take your job!
RIKER: But I'm not quitting.
ADMIRAL: But we're offering you a better job.
RIKER: But...but...all my friends are here!
SHELBY: ...God damn it.

SHELBY: Data. Define 'Douchebag', as the term applies to a person in 21st century vernacular.
DATA: Accessing. A despicable or loathesome person.
SHELBY: Would you say this term applies to a man who claims to be career minded but stays in one job longer than he has to because it makes him feel good and gives him opportunities for alien sex?
DATA: Accessing. Yes, the term would seem to apply.
RIKER: Hey!

RIKER: Geordi, I have a question about your visor. Could you use it to see spikes in a woman's heart rate?
GEORDI: Yes, I suppose I could. Why?
RIKER: You've got a new job as my wing man!

SHELBY: Alright, we're beaming onto a hostile enemy ship and are guaranteed to meet heavy resistance. So Doctor Crusher, you're the perfect choice to come on this mission.

TROI: I'm sensing...insecurity.
RIKER: Hey! I'm not insecure! I'll be Captain when I feel like it!

 

[Nerys Myk]

LAFORGE: I could reroute a veraton wave through the aft plasma conduits and create a tachyon burst...

DATA: Or we could send a chronoton burst through the main phase inducers causing a inverse polarity reaction.

RIKER: Run a level three diagnostic on the primary systems interface and check for anomalies in the isolinear circuitry.

WES: Uh, guys...it was just a loose wire.

 

[think]

RIKER: Why are you holding your hand like that Admiral?
ADMIRAL: You would too if you had an eight ball up your butt.

SHELBY: Data, why is there such a big bulge in your pants?
DATA: You noticed that too? My penis enlarge subroutine is stuck in the function position it is not going to shrink till it finishes with its function.
SHELBY:well don't look at me... It is not my fault.,
DATA: Actually it is ...

RIKER: Ok men here is the test: lets see who's penis is the biggest ?
GEORDI: How did this test come up?
RIKER: It is either the test or the treatment... your choice.

DATA: Hey this phaser has no joy button.??
SHELBY: With the new phasers you need only squeeze it to make it pleasure you.

TROI: If you touch yourself one more time in my presence I will leave.
RIKER: I'm busy ... what did you say?

 

[Triskelion]

Data: Last two phasers. Do you want the one with the Hello Kitty sticker, or the one with the I Heart Vulcan keychain?
Worf: Hello Kitty.

Geordi: If we rotate the frequency of the phase induction harmonics, we could run a multiphasic imaging cycle to record the muon fractionation.
Wesley: Nope, says here, there's no such thing as any of that.
Riker: You've been warned, LaForge! I'm writing you up!
Data: I believe I told you so, Geordi.
Wesley: According to Wikipedia, it's a friction burn.