TNG Caption This! #408: An opportunity to say "Shut Up Wesley"

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone, new contest time!

First up to the plate, we have the "But Daaaaaaaad..." Award, going to:

Data: ...but Sir, I promise I will take care of it, feed it, clean up after it. Can I keep it, please?

Picard: Okay, Mr. Data, on one condition, if you can correctly tell me the gender of your cat, you can keep it.

Data: ...

Next, we have the "Proper Communication" Award, going to:

Riker: In for a penny in for a pound?
Geordi: Give 'em an inch they'll take a mile?
Data: Don't look a gift horse in the mouth? Guys? What are we talking about guys?

Next, we have the "And more can be downloaded from the app store!" Award, going to:

Data: "I assure you captain I am emulating a wide variety of judges. Judy, Wopner, that guy from The Simpsons..."

Next, we have the "Repair Protocols" Award, going to:

Data: Oil can ... oil can ...

Next, we have the "Death and Statistics" Award, going to:

DATA: Analyzing. Ahh. I am noticing a disturbing pattern in the Enterprise's logs.
REMMICK: Yes, go on.
DATA: We seem to frequently come to the brink of destruction and certain death, which we escape at the last moment through a sudden moment of brilliance. Statistically, we should all be dead by now.

Next, we have the "Getting the stories straight" Award, going to:

Data: Now understand something Ensign. You saw both the Captain and Commander dematerialize in an accident caused by a faulty flow sensor. There was nothing you could do. And I, was never here.

Next, we have the "Well, it was funny to him..." Award, going to:

Data: ``I just integrated a p-Form on an associated covector tangent space and boy are my torsional coordinate frames symplectic!''

Next, we have the "Distress Signal" Award, going to:

Tomalak: Hello? Whoever's filming this, GET ME OUT OF HERE! This android has been practicing dramatic poses for over an hour and I'm stuck on this damned bridge. HELLO? Stun me, transport me into the cargo hold, shoot me and send me to Vorta Vor, I don't care, just get me OUT of here!

Our Photoshop award, goes to:

Same joke different 'shop.

ARDRA: Change of plans,Captain. Meet my boyfrie...er, the new judge.

ARDRA: Change of plans,Captain. Meet my boyfrie...er, the new judge.

Second Officer's Log: Commander Remmick displayed some strange swelling behavior in his neck, as if the thyroid gland was trying to burst out. I am not sure if I should be concerned at this time. It could be simply attributed to a non-Human ancestry as a part of his lineage has early Earth colonists who colonized several system well beyond the NX-01's reaches.

Data: ...and that is why I believe I should be your Supreme Lord and Commander.

Many thanks to everyone who participated and congratulations to our winners!

And now, in a controversial move, Wesley Crusher shall have his own contest! (Ducks to avoid tomatoes being thrown at me)

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Picard was shocked when he saw Worf had beaten his high score in Space Invader.

Wesley: What did you just inject me with?

Picard: Not the antidote.

Starfleet General Order 100789: If Wesley's bugging you, ignore it.

Wesley: That jerk just cut us off! Increasing to Warp 8!

Wesley: I almost just got killed... and I'm hungry.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Wesley: "Cool, one of those new air-injectors. What's in it?"

Picard: "Ahhh... stuff."

Wesley: "Oh. Okay."


TEN MINUTES LATER...

Wesley: "Oh my God! It feels like my insides are being eaten away with acid!"

 

[shivkala]

Worf: I understand the boy's presence, however, I am confused as to why you would need me to update your social media profiles. Besides, I find the boy highly irritating and am just seconds away from killing him.

Picard: And that's why you're here.

Picard: Now, Wesley, drugs are bad, okay. So shut up and take your drugs.

Wesley: Acting Ensign's Log: I'm bringing sexy back.

Wesley *Reading to himself*: "Shut up Wesley?" But I didn't even say anything, this time! I should never have shown the Captain how to text!

Wesley: Is this what puberty feels like?

http://www.trekbbs.com//www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/

 

[tharpdevenport]

Wesley: Is this what puberty feels like?

Worf: "Only if it reaches up that high. Otherwise you are not a man. Why do you think I wear a shash?"

 

[Nerys Myk]

Wesley started feeling queasy after returning from the freighter Nostromo

 

[Triskelion]

TFTW Leadhead !

Picard: Is he still stuck in carbonite?
Worf: Time has not been kind to the princess.
Wesley: That's Chewie, you Visigoths!

Wesley: I can't wait to see how JJ improves the Wars canon. I just hope he doesn't implode Tattooine before Annie was born, so Jar Jar and Qui Gon can meet him later!
Picard: Time for your meds.
Wesley: Radical!

 

[Triskelion]

Wesley: Sir, I'm picking up the Director's cut to the new Wars trailer. Looks like JJ's up to his old tricks.
Picard: On screen.

 

[Captain Crow]

Beverly, over conn comm: Did you remember your bag lunch?

Wesley: Yes.

Beverly, over conn comm: And your hemorrhoid pillow?

[Crew snickers]

Wesley: YES!!

 

[joededman]

W. Wheaton: My acting career is over, isn't it?
B. Spiner: Why do you say that?
W. Wheaton: The whole thing just flashed before my eyes.. in less than a fraction of a second.

 

[Nerys Myk]

CRUSHER: I'm just saying, how lame do you have to be to forget about releasing the "parking break"?

PICARD: Mr. Crusher, why aren't we moving?

CRUSHER: *

 

[JirinPanthosa]

PICARD: What is it?
WORF: It's the focus group report sir.
PICARD: This can't be right. No way Wesley Crusher can be this unpopular a character!

WESLEY: What's in the hypospray sir?
PICARD: I'm sorry Wesley, we can't violate Edo law.

WESLEY: Captain! I just heard Data use a contraction!
PICARD: Are you accusing a superior officer of being Lore?
WESLEY: No! I think he's lying about not being able to use contractions!
PICARD: Wesley! If you want to continue being a bridge officer, you have to stop pointing out things which should be blatantly obvious to everyone!
WESLEY: *Sigh* Alright, just tell me to shut up.

The day Wesley figured out how to bring up his porn collection at the helm.

GEORDI: Wesley, you're okay!
WESLEY: AAAAGGHHH! NO I'M NOT OKAY! I JUST HAD A SPEAR SHOVED THROUGH MY CHEST! IT WAS INCREDIBLY PAINFUL AND I FELT THE SENSATION OF DYING! THIS IS AN INCREDIBLY TRAUMATIC EXPERIENCE! AAAGGGHH!

 

[Rat Boy]

Picard: "Report."

Worf: "On what? Technically he's not an officer and technically I don't have a job except for looking angry at things."

Picard: "Well, report on that, then!"

Picard: "Don't worry, I know ways of getting around the drug test."

Picard (quietly): "Oh, wonderful; Crusher's child's sleep walking again."

Wes: "Uh, sir, there's another ship coming for us head-on!"

Picard: "That's because in Vulcan space they use the opposite lane!"

Wheaton: "Phew. For a second there I thought my contract was up."

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Picard: Wesley, I'll be placing a commendation in your file. This ultra-strong knockout drug will be quite beneficial in apprehending rogue members of the crew.

Shimoda (dazed): ...thank you Cindy, for the traffic report...and now here's the Buckinghams with "Kind of a Drag"... (faints)

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: The repellent isn't working, Number One!

RIKER: I don't think it works on children, sir.

 

[huskers57]

Picard: What am I supposed to do, think of everything? I brought the comb!
Worf: Oh, great! You brought the comb! What did you bring a comb for? You don't even have any hair!

Wesley: F*** Starfleet, I don't want to be an officer. It's stupid. It's a stupid waste of time.
Picard: That's your dad talking.
Wesley: Bulls***.
Picard: Bull true. I know how your dad felt about you. He doesn't give a s*** about you. Denny was the one he cared about and don't try to tell me different. You're just a kid, Wesley.
Wesley: Oh, gee! Thanks, Dad.
Picard: Wish the h*** I was your dad. You wouldn't be goin' around talkin' about takin' these stupid shop courses if I was. It's like God gave you something, man, all those formulas you can make up. And He said, "This is what we got for ya, kid. Try not to lose it." Kids lose everything unless there's someone there to look out for them. And if your parents are too f***** up to do it, then maybe I should.

Wesley: Alright, alright, Mickey's a mouse, Donald's a duck, Pluto's a dog. What's Goofy?
Picard: If I could only have one food for the rest of my life? That's easy-Pez. Cherry-flavored Pez. No question about it.
Riker: Goofy's a dog. He's definitely a dog.
Wesley: I knew the $64,000 question was fixed. There's no way anybody could know that much about opera!
Data: He cannot be a dog. He drives a car and wears a hat.
Picard: Wagon Train's a really cool show, but did you notice they never get anywhere? They just keep wagon training.
Wesley: Oh, God. That's weird. What the hell is Goofy?

 

[dauntless]

One more word, Wesley, and I paralyse your vocal chords...

 

[Triskelion]

`

Wesley: That's weird. Whose butt prints are all over my station?
<crickets>

 

[Hutchy01]

`

Wesley: That's weird. Whose butt prints are all over my station?
<crickets>

Data: Ensign Lefler's!

(The Simpsons judge was Schneider for future reference)

 

[Triskelion]

`

Wesley: That's weird. Whose butt prints are all over my station?
<crickets>

Data: Ensign Lefler's!

Picard: Your mom's.