ENT Caption Competition #97: Visualize Strange New World Peace

[Nebusj]

Afternoon again, all, and I hope you're having a good Wednesday. I've got a fine batch of well-made captions that I'm really happy with, and a fresh selection of pictures, these from the third episode of the show, ready for your riffing pleasure. Again, thanks to all of you for reading, for writing, and for making a better community by making fun of stuff.


http://www.trekbbs.com/showthread.php?t=268828
Last week's set offered an abundance of crossover potential and people did not miss it. Among the high points were ...

Hoshi: The language appears to be something similar to ancient Greek, with hints of Egyptian, Mayan, and Sumarian. Identifies as out of some place called Cobalt or something like that. Wants to know if we got any, and I quote, "good fracking ambrosia for these tired old war daggets".

Alien: "Tell Heisenberg I need my fix, man!"

Spare any White for a loyal subject of the Dominion?

Reed: Captain, we've got problems.
Archer: What is it, Malcolm?
Reed: Reavers have hit this ship, captain.
Archer: "Reavers"?
Reed: Yep. So either we're in the wrong universe...or they are.

... and I don't mean to slight the many other good catches, but I'm not quite self-confident enough to list them all here.



This week's proud winner of the W Edwards Deming Award for Effective Management is ...

Archer: ... so long story short, I crazy glued my face to the deck plating.
T'Pol: That seems excessively idiotic, even for you.
Archer: Are you going to help me, or continue to judge?
T'Pol: I estimate the odds of "continue to judge" at 97.84%.

Winning the ``Well, Somebody's Reading My .sig File Anyway'' award is ...

Archer: Aggh! Get the math off the viewscreen! MATH OFF THE VIEWSCREEN!

Of all the Jonathan Archers in the world, the Jonathan Archer-iest this week was ...

Archer: "Captain's starlog: supplemental. Lucy yanked the football away from me again."

Porthos (thinking): See the World War III Flying Ace mock the kicker for recruiting the worst possible holder ever.

Reminding us of the Jeremy Irony of it all, years ahead of ``In A Mirror, Darkly'', is ...

Archer: I never thought beagles essential. They're crude, and unspeakable plain..
But maybe they've a glimmer of potential, if allied to my vision and brain
(Drums)
I know that your powers of retention
are as wet as a slime-devil's backside
But thick as you are, pay attention!
my words are a matter of Pride.
IT's clear from your vacant expression
The lights are not all on upstairs
But we're talking kings and successions
Even YOU can't be caught unawares!
Tucker, OS: The captain is singing villain songs again. Should we be worried?
Reed, OS: We should be prepared.

Winner of the ``County Fair Season Seems To Come Earlier Every Year'' Blue Ribbon is ...

Reed: Sir, it's apparently a delicacy, much like our 'alien on a stick' sold at fairs and circuses.

Tucker: What I wouldn't give for a bite of alien on a stick.

Reminding us there's no reason just to have a Ship's Doctor when you could have a Ship's Creepy Doctor this week is ...

Dr. Phlox: "Are they doing it?"

Archer: "SHHH! Not yet."

And finally, my Belly Laugh of the week was given by ...

Archer: Archer to Enterprise. The crew of this ship is dead and they have terrible taste in clothes.

And now for this week's special six: have fun and be careful on the transporter platform, all. And remember, the harder you make it for me to pick the funniest, the happier everyone all around is, except whoever has the second-funniest.

Good luck to all!

 

[tharpdevenport]

"Set phasers to kill! We're being invaded by deleted scenes from 'The Final Frontier'!!!"

 

[Ithekro]

Archer: This place feels like California

T'Pol: It is California, your helmsman managed to make a loop at warp factor four to arrive back at Earth.

Archer: No enough people to be California

T'Pol: Starfleet Command wanted to make you feel better so this park was arranged for your first "outing". They hope you will visit other star systems in the coming months.

NO KILL I

The rarely seen Vulcan Lust.

Phlox: There is nothing wrong with him, he's a Dryad. Quite rare.

Musical queue: Mission Impossible Theme.

Archer: Are we to another planet yet?

T'Pol: No, still Earth

Archer: How about now?

T'Pol: Earth

Archer: Now?

T'Pol: To me this is an alien world.

Archer: Alright!

 

[f14peter]

T'POL: I picked this up from Dr. Phlox's log. We have a crew member on board who is showing signs of stress and fatigue ... He's becoming irritable and quarrelsome, yet he refuses to take rest and rehabilitation. Now he has that right, but...we found -"

ARCHER: "A crewman's rights end where the safety of the ship begins. Now that man will go ashore on my orders. What's his name?"

T'POL: "Jonathan Archer. Enjoy yourself, Captain. It's an interesting planet. I believe you'll find it quite pleasant, very much like your Earth. Scouts have detected no animals, artifacts, or forcefields of any kind. Only peace, sunshine, and good air. You'll have no problems.

YARNEK: "Welcome to Excalbia. Your concepts of good and evil are strange to us, and you will be pitted in battle to help us understand the difference between this ... RealTrek and AbramsTrek"

T'POL (to Archer through Atavachron): "We are in a wilderness of Riparian Forest characteristics during a winter storm!'

TRIP: "She means it's freakin' cold!"

ARCHER: "Poor Trip, he's been stricken by the Life Prolongation Virus, covered with the blue blemishes and now Miri has disappeared along with our communicators"


CUTLER (off screen): "back on the ship, I used to try to get you to look at my legs, Captain, look at my legs!"

PHLOX (muttering): "I'm a doctor, not an engineer I said ... now you're an engineer Commander Tucker says ... just sneak up to Emergency Manual Monitor without getting caught Captain Archer says ... switch the automatic transporter settings while Hoshi distracts scarfaced Reid, no problem he says ..."

ARCHER: "Everyone remember where we parked!"

 

[joededman]

Compared to this guy Vulcan's are highly emotional.

J. Blalock: I want to use the stills from this scene for my promotion shots, cuz I don't think my hair is ever going to look any better throughout the rest of this series.

J. Billingsley: I think they spent more on my makeup then they did on this "transporter".

A. Montgomery: So they're going to add all kinds of special effects to make this look like we're on a alien planet, instead of wandering out of a wooded section of some municipal park here on Earth, right?

K. Waymire: Doubtful.

J. Blalock: Yea. Didn't see anything in the script. Probably not in the budget for this episode.

 

[jespah]

Thank you for the win!


And now for this week's special six: have fun and be careful on the transporter platform, all. And remember, the harder you make it for me to pick the funniest, the happier everyone all around is, except whoever has the second-funniest.

Cutler: This planet smells like wet dog.

Archer (off-screen): Porthos! Bad dog!

T'Pol: It is the rare Vulcan bad hair day. We do not speak of it on my world.

Trip: No wonder you people all have bowl cuts. Now, if you use a lil gel, you can fix that.

T'Pol: No.

Trip: I'm sure you can borrow some from Reed. He's got a big vat of it. At least I think that's what it is. It says 'lube' on the side of the vat.

T'Pol (barely audible): Humans.

Phlox (off-screen): Spring is hazardous when you've got allergies. This man just snorted a line of forsythia pollen, and now you see what happened.

Reed (also off-screen): I'll try to remember that, Doctor. And now, about my tub of lube ....

Phlox: I'll just put this here and cover it with a thin layer of Lieutenant Reed's lube. And then set up the camera over there. This video has got to win The Solar System's Funniest Star Ship Videos this week.

Archer (singing): ♪♫ A whole new world ... ♫♪

T'Pol: Shh! We weren't bought by Disney! Star Wars was.

Archer: Oh, yeah. ♪♫ June is busting out all over! ♫♪

Cutler: It's September.

Archer: ♫♪ Oh, what a beautiful morning! ♪♫

Novakovich: It's afternoon, sir.

Archer: ♫♪ I love you, you love me ♪♫

T'Pol (later): Personal log, supplemental. The captain can't stop singing the Barney theme. I've had Phlox sedate him for the remainder of the mission, and I've taken command.

♪♫ I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts ♫♪

This is how the crew was destroyed by the little-known Romulan Musical Virus.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Archer: "Is he going to be all right, doctor?"

Phlox: "It appears he's taken leave of his senses."

Archer: "Doctor, this is a very serious situation; perhaps jokes aren't the best thing right now."

Phlox: "You're right. Don't worry, I'll get to the root of the problem."

Archer: "Doctor! This man is a patient, a fine officer, and one of our friends, respect is in order."

Phlox: "Of course, yes."

Archer: "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna make like a tree and leave."

 

[LeadHead]

Thanks for the win!

Archer: Wow, we shall call this planet "New California."

T'Pol: Appropriate, according to my scans a crippling drought will hit this region over the next 5 years combined with the constant threat of sever seismic activity.

Nog: You see Jake? Uncle Quark and your father were attacked by a vicious tree!

Archer: (over comm) Malcolm, report!

Reed: Well, he's got twigs growing out of his skull, yet because apparently space exploration isn't actually dangerous until the end of season 2, he's still alive.

Reed: Transport successful, Captain. We've got the hallucinogens from the planet.

Archer: (over comm from the bridge) Good work, Malcolm. Helm take us out of here.

Trip: (over comm from the planet) Cap'n. Ready to beam up. Cap'n? Cap'n?!

Trip: Worst mission ever. I can't imagine anything harder to deal with than the paranoia inducing spores that nearly killed us and had me inches from killing T'Pol. You're never gonna let me live that down are you, Subcommander?

T'Pol: As long as you don't do something ridiculous within the next week, I'll move on from this.

Six days later in sickbay...

Phlox: You're pregnant.

Trip: Oh $%&#!

 

[Finn]

Sato: The inscription says.."Chakotay". That's an old Rubber Tree People word for...

 

[Nerys Myk]

T'POL:I'm not really a morning person. So this better be good!

ARCHER: Travis, do you think you could land us little closer next time?

 

[Nerys Myk]

ROCKY:Don't worry man. I'm just a LDS flashback.

 

[Nerys Myk]

T'POL: There is no T'Pol, only Zuul.

 

[Smellincoffee]

Thanks for the win!

T'Pol: We have not yet ascertained whether this is Mr. Garfunkel or Mr. Simon.
Tucker: Simon sang it alone the first time, subcommander. And you Vulcans are supposed to be so smart.

Trip: Subcommander, that wind-blown look makes you look kinda..
T'pol: If you mean to say attractive, commander, I am bethrothed.
Trip: I was gonna say kinda axe-crazy.

Archer: These plains remind me of a time in Africa, when -
Wait, where are you all sprinting to? COME BACK!

 

[Nebusj]

The new Caption Competition is up! Thanks to all for participating in this one.