ENT Caption Competition #96: Fight, Flight, Coffee, Tea, Or Milk?

[Nebusj]

Hi again, all. I do want to thank everybody for their part in restarting the Caption Competitions, those who offered captions, those who just read and were amused, those who thought they might write something but they'll see if this new series of competitions stick around, those moderators who http://www.trekbbs.com/showthread.php?t=268318 unpin the old thread now that it's not needed and who pin the new one.

I should say that yeah, it's April Fool's, but I don't think the restarted competitions are established enough to support fiddling with the format by putting up screen grabs from Community or some other show, fun as that would be. Maybe next year.

Now then ... the winners for Competition #95!


Our winner for What Gerry Anderson Sees Every Time He Closes His Eyes is ...

On this day, Eagle 1 encountered a starship from Earth. Moonbase Alpha might finally be saved.

For the Official Licensed Merchandise Award with Bronze Clusters the winner is ...

Archer: "Yeah, they totally let me on the base just because of the hat. Didn't bother asking for my ID or anything."

The Surprisingly Simple PhotoShop Award goes to ...

TRIP: How long have you been sitting there, watching me sleep? Wait...don't answer that.

Receiving the Just Trying To Get Ahead Of Things medallion this week is ...

More power! Its pulling us in!

And the sure-to-be proud winner of the Baked Shi'Kahr With Sprinkles trophy and recipe is ...

Not all of Vulcan was a desert. Some of it was a Dessert!

And the Zoidberg Memorial Certificate for Advanced Limb Manipulation to ...

"Ah, doctor, that's supposed to go on the viewers heads."

For the coveted The Force Is Strong In The Areas Of Its Particular Experience and Training trophy the winner is ...

"Perhaps we should have tested the targeting computer before declaring the Death Star fully operational."

Taking home the Robert Osborne Cup this week is ...

"Rosebud"

Finally, my Belly Laugh of the Week, courtesy of the Canadian aerospace complex:

T'Pol: WHAT. THE SERIOUS. F***!
Archer (in shuttlepod): What?
T'Pol: This... stuff! From the sky! What the f*** is it?!
Archer: Um, the snow?
T'Pol: What?!
Archer: You know, water vapor that freezes in the air, then falls as ice crystals.
T'Pol: You know I'm from a *desert* planet, right? This is some seriously f***ed up s***, right here!

My great thanks to everyone who's participated, and I hope everyone thinking about participating jumps in: the harder a choice I have for any picture, the better the contest. And now, this week's select six, drawn from the show's second week:

Good luck, riffers!

 

[Nerys Myk]

ARCHER: A Battlestar. How quaint.

 

[Nerys Myk]

ARCHER: Don't just stand there. Help me find my contact lens!

 

[Rat Boy]

Archer: "It's in the ship! It's in the frakking ship!"

Archer: "A small thermal exhaust port? Someone should get fired over this."

Archer: "Ah ha! My new Star Citizen ship's arrived."

Archer: "Porthos, take a memo..."

Porthos (thinking): Why does everyone think all beagles are like Snoopy?

Alien: "Uh, a little help here? Guys? Guys?"

Reed: "People strung up on gargoyles. I saw this when I used to work in Gotham City."

 

[Nerys Myk]

ARCHER: Ever see the Wrath of Khan?

REED: Yeah, so?

ARCHER: I think the director did, too.

 

[joededman]

Archer: I'm telling you the floor of this cabin isn't level and if you get down here you can clearly see it!
T'Pol: I am sure you are correct Captain. (and if he tries to tell me the bed isn't level, I'm out of here)

Archer: How the hell is that thing suppose to work? Where's the warp nacelles?

It took a while for the crew of the NX-01 to get use to the way a more advanced culture practised medicine.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Dr. Phlox: "Are they doing it?"

Archer: "SHHH! Not yet."

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Porthos (thinking): Maybe he's finally going to get me some small chicken puppets...

 

[jespah]

Sounds like the Pacific Ocean.

The Romulans sank my battleship!

T'Pol, you know about alien sex toys. What could've needed something the size of that?

Porthos: Make a speech about gazelles. That always works!

Reed: Sir, it's apparently a delicacy, much like our 'alien on a stick' sold at fairs and circuses.

Tucker: What I wouldn't give for a bite of alien on a stick.

 

[hux]

Archer: They're really going at it down there. I think Reed just pulled something

T'pol: The big blue sphere is the planet we were aiming for. The blue curved line is the route we took to get there
Boomer: My bad

Archer: This is the worst sci-fi show ever. Nothing happens
T'pol: Are you talking about us or what you're watching

Archer: I can't believe that guy disagreed with me on Trek BBS. Should I call him an idiot?

Alien: I am so giving this space cruise 2 stars out of 5

Tucker: So this is your idea of a great nightclub
Reed: Give it a chance. Apparently, it doesn't get going until after midnight

 

[Finn]

T'Pol: Captain, what are you doing?

Archer: When I was in my 20s, I went on a trip to Africa where I encountered a Masai warrior. Thanks to him, I developed excellent tracking skills. Right now, I'm tracking Porthos. He's sniffing around somewhere two decks below us.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Alien: Dammit. Out of beer?

Worst. Frat party. EVER.

 

[Nerys Myk]

T'POL: Who beat the crap out of you this time?

 

[Willow]

Archer: T'Pol, you gotta come listen to this...I think Travis is actually doing it with a REAL girl this time!

 

[Willow]

Porthos So all I'm here for is to be this guy's sounding board and I can't tell him how stupid his idea is? Can't Travis do this job? I'd rather be with Trip. He's got pie.

Well THAT was misleading advertising! They said I was testing out a new blood thinning drug. I thought that meant I'd be getting a drug pumped IN, not blood pumped OUT. Do I still get paid for this?

 

[Ithekro]

Thanks for the wins. (wasn't expecting so many)

Be wery wery quiet. I'm hunting tribble.

Well with that sort of power curve, no wonder we can't get this bucket of bolts past Warp 5. We are luck to make Warp 2 with this nonsense. Might as well be dusting crops, kid.

Hoshi: The language appears to be something similar to ancient Greek, with hints of Egyptian, Mayan, and Sumarian. Identifies as out of some place called Cobalt or something like that. Wants to know if we got any, and I quote, "good fracking ambrosia for these tired old war daggets".

BACON!

Spare any White for a loyal subject of the Dominion?

Deep Space Station One was where everything was happening until those pesky starship Enterprises showed up.

 

[Avro Arrow]

Thanks for the win, Nebusj!

Archer: ... so long story short, I crazy glued my face to the deck plating.
T'Pol: That seems excessively idiotic, even for you.
Archer: Are you going to help me, or continue to judge?
T'Pol: I estimate the odds of "continue to judge" at 97.84%.

Archer: Dammit, they found us within 30 minutes. No free pizza this time.

Porthos, thinking: Yeah, I know. The plate with the cheese is *right there* on the arm of the chair. I could jump up and help myself to all of it. But if I follow him back and forth like this, it makes him think that I like him. Then he's more forgiving when I "accidentally" pee on his pillow.

Reed: They've got the aliens hung up already? Spacemas seems to come earlier and earlier every year!

 

[Herkimer Jitty]

Archer: "Crewman Sodowsky just called me 'Fart-cher'!"

Archer: "What's all this crap?"

T'pol: "Wasn't interstellar sublight navigation part of your starship command training?"

Archer: "Inter-what now?"

Archer: "T'pol, what ship is that?"

T'pol: "The Wild Karrde."

Archer: "You think Mara Jade's my type?"

Porthos: "Kill zem. You must kill zem all, mein freund."

Alien: "Tell Heisenberg I need my fix, man!"

Reed: "Jonesy? Here kitty kitty..."

 

[LeadHead]

Archer: Porthos? Are you in the access tunnels again?!

T'Pol: Captain, it appears that Shuttlepod One has detached and detonated their impulse engine.

Archer: Why would Trip and Malcolm do that? Wait, I left that bottle of bourbon in there. Travis, slow to impulse. Lets let them float around for awhile.

Archer: Bring the grappler online. Tell the chop shop team to get ready.

Archer: Captain's Starlog. May 9th, 2151. Subcommander T'Pol recommended that we not go anywhere near that alien ship with our weapons inoperative. We went aboard and ended up being targeted by blood harvesters. Clearly, I made no mistakes in my command decisions.

Archer: Archer to Enterprise. The crew of this ship is dead and they have terrible taste in clothes.

 

[Rat Boy]

Archer: "Captain's starlog: supplemental. Lucy yanked the football away from me again."

Porthos (thinking): See the World War III Flying Ace mock the kicker for recruiting the worst possible holder ever.