TNG Caption This! #400: Greatest Hits

[Nebusj]

Picard orders ``Viewscreen Off'' and discovers the Peeping Tom.

Worf: ``A ... a second Picard? Pull it together, Worf, you can handle this. It's just two Picards, one in the turbo lift and one on the one bridge --- NO! Stop that, you can deal with this. You're here on the one bridge, you're OK, it's just one of those one things ... ''

Spock: ``And so, graduates, I close my address with some wise words spoken to me, at my own commencement, and which I hope will guide you truly as you journey through life: 'Don't get Vulcan swallowed by a liquid black hole'. Thank you.''

Coming to Cedar Point Amazement Park for 2016! It's New Millennium Force! Bringing the Giga-Coaster to the Next Generation!

Picard: ``Please notify Command that while we have located Superman he will ... not be returning to Earth.''

Picard: ``Slip the DJ ten bucks to play some Pink Floyd already.''

 

[Rat Boy]

Let's see if recycling captions from five years ago does the trick...

Riker: "It's really a bitch trying to get to Yoda's house, isn't it?"

Spock: "These ships carry a Romulan invasion force and must be stopped. Also, go see Star Trek VI."

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Spock: These ships carry a Romulan invasion force and must be stopped...Hammertime.

 

[2takesfrakes]

... Yes, We Can!™

 

[Ithekro]

Ensign: Sir, what is that stain on the viewscreen?

Worf (O/S): That is the remains of the last ensign who asked why we didn't use seatbelts.

 

[Nerys Myk]

SPOCK: ...and I have decided to retire to spend more time with my family.

RIKER: I didn't know he had any family.

PICARD: By "family" he means a hot young Orion he met on Risa.

 

[Rat Boy]

Picard: "Data, I hear the Romulan ambassador is lactose intolerant. Please send him the cheese lasagna."

Data: "But the ambassador is lactose intolerant."

Picard: "Precisely."

 

[JirinPanthosa]

Picard: "Data, I hear the Romulan ambassador is lactose intolerant. Please send him the cheese lasagna."

Data: The ambassador is allergic to lactose?

Picard: No, he just won't stand for it.

 

[Mojochi]

Captain's log, Supplemental: ........ Pretty lady

Sometimes Worf's breakfast was disagreeable to more than just his digestive system

Nimoy: Oh good grief... What's next? Pointy teeth?

Riker: OH GIVE IT A REST DEANNA! If you think you can do any better, you're welcome to try.

Data: That would be inadvisable, Commander

OPS: Captain, I think we've found the remains of Ensign Sonya Gomez

Picard: No you didn't................ and that's an order

Picard: Enough Data. Glass half empty... Glass half full... It doesn't matter. Look who I'm sitting next to. More alcohol, please.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Picard: Data, I must recommend immediate treatment for Dr. Crusher. She seems inordinately fascinated with this vintage Casio keyboard I replicated for her.

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: When you get to be Captain, then you can have someone cut your meat for you.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Data: "Captain, here are your subspace communications as ordered: 'You have thirty minutes to move your shuttle', 'You have ten minutes', 'Your shuttle has been impounded', 'Your shuttle has been blown into pieces', 'You have thirty minutes to remove your shuttle debris'."

 

[Triskelion]

Picard: Data, Please ask Doctor Crusher if she's enjoying this wine tasting event, and also whether she prefers to spit or swallow? Beverly: Chateau Picard? I'd rather be maced in the face.

 

[Armored Saint]

TFTW

 

[galleywest]

Alien: Another TNG episode?!

Picard: I'll put my hands in the air, but not like I just don't care!

Spock knew it wasn't really appropriate workwear, but the Vulcan snuggie was so darned comfy.

Riker: Stupid viewscreens, rotate at the slightest change in angle. Data, is there a way to toggle that off?

Picard: Welp, time to trade 'er in for the E model.

Data: It has come to my attention that you are not Abe Froman, sausage king of Chicago.
Picard: You touch me and I'll yell RAT.

 

[inflatabledalek]

Well done on 400 weeks of pleasure Mr. Leadhead!

Picard: Riker... you really slept with an alien with a bum for a forehead?

Riker: Yes Sir. Two of my favourite orifices all in once place, how could I resist?

Security Officer's Personal Log: Do I help the Captain, or do a "He must have thought it was a latrine" joke?

Nimoy: And in future I will only be appearing in Star Trek when Spock is an essential part of the plot.

Or I get paid silly money for a thirty second cameo. One or the other.

Data: Sir, our time for "Star in a reasonably priced car" is still going to be what I believe the host would call "Piss poor".

Picard: Wait... where's the camera filming this?

Picard: Data, I gave orders that everyone should only have drinks that match their uniform colours, but Tasha is clearly drinking the blue drink! Get her a correctly coloured one.

Data: But sir, the yellow drink is your urine.

Picard: No exceptions! Worf seems to be enjoying it.

 

[Honorable Ensign]

Thanks for the mention, and thanks for running the contests! It's always a joy to read and participate.

Captain's Log: It will take several more days before the viewscreen is restored to its correct, full size. In the meantime, I have already received several complaints from the crew about having to bunch up towards the front of the bridge.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Riker: "Data! Are you sure you can stir us clear and land safely?!"

Data: "Yes, sir!"

MINUTES LATER...

Data: "... and that is where the impacted after I bailed."

 

[LeadHead]

New Contest!

 

[T'Girl]

Picard: ... and also whether she prefers to spit or swallow?

Beverly (thinking): Boy, if I had a credit for every time ...