TNG Caption This! #400: Greatest Hits

[LeadHead]

Hello, welcome and Happy Valentine's Day!

And HOLY %$&*! 400 Contests?!

First up to the plate, we have the "Emergency Beam Out" Award, going to:

CRUSHER: Thank you. My date should be here any minute

Next, we have the "Leslie Nielsen Lifetime Achievement Award" going to:

Riker: What do you mean, you faked every orgasm?!?

Next, we have the "Important Distinctions" Award, going to:

Worf: "Take the oath!"

K'Ehlyer: "The marriage oath?"

Worf: "No, the Green Lantern oath...of course the marriage oath!"

Next, we have the "Difficult Systems" Award, going to:

Jenna: I don't care if the alien women do it on 34,415 other planets, it's yucky! Now take me shopping, I need some black pumps for my coworker's dinner party and you're going too.
Data: And I thought Soong-type android positronic cybersystems were high maintenance....

Next, we have the "Winner of the Battle of Famke Janssen references" Award, going to:

KAMALA: "Thank you, mister ...?

RIKER: "The name's Riker, Will Riker"

KAMALA: "Xenia Kamala Onatopp"

RIKER: "Onatopp?"

KAMALA: "Onatopp!"

Our Photoshop Award, although not technically one of the photos of the contest was well done and while only one is the winner, I like to think of this as a group effort. This seems appropriate given my opinion of the quality of the episode referenced plus the my opinion of the book/movie. A match made for Valentine's day! Our winner is:

Picard: Personal Log-I am continuing the practice, as suggested by Counselor Troi when she commented on how I seemed to have a detached command style, of inviting my senior staff for dinner in my quarters. I only hope tonight goes differently than the last dinner, when Commander Riker had too much wine. No, wait, actually, I'm kind of hoping for a similar reaction from Dr. Crusher...

KAMALA: Should we call the ship's counselor for a Ménage à Troi?

Many thanks to all who have contributed to this contest and of course congratulations to our winners!

WOW! 400 TNG Caption This! Contests!

Whenever we hit a milestone like this, I just can't help but thinking back to when I took over this contest, back in 2010 (I know, I can't believe it's been that long either) or even go back to my first contest here. What struck me this time is just how many of you have been a part of this since then and continue to be now. In the VERY first contest I ran for TNG Caption this, we have Nerys Myk, Rat Boy, Mojochi, Honorable Ensign, Jonas Grumby, Gep Malakai & captain crow. People who still years later come to the contests and contribute. It is such an honor and so humbling, so to them and to you, I say thank you.

(If there's names I missed in the list above, please take no offense)

I am grateful for those who have been with me from the start and for those who have come along the way and for those who have yet to join in on the fun.

Thank you all.

And now, for some special fun for a special contest. One of the good things about having so much history, is getting to go back and look for images that caused great humor and creativity.

So here are some of our greatest hits!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

The audience grew more restless with this episode as it became more and more clear that Wesley would get to save the ship again.

Picard: NOOOOOOOOOOO!

Worf: What is it, Captain?

Picard: LeadHead's still here! How many more Mass Effect references am I expected to handle?

Spock: This is Ambassador Spock of Vulcan. By now the Federations Sensors are tracking 3 Vulcan ships crossing the Neutral Zone. Have you really not figured out that they're filled with bad guys yet?!

Worf: (over comm) Enterprise to Commander Riker. Are you sure it was the best idea to take our smallest and least powerful type of shuttle on this mission?

Picard: Mister Data, report.

Data: It appears that the publishers of "Everybody Poops" will have to release a revised edition that has a page devoted to Romulan Warbirds.

Picard: Beverly just turned me down again, see if we can get her transferred to Starfleet Medical.

 

[Mutai Sho-Rin]

Congratulations on 400 doses of fun, the world's best medicine.

 

[Triskelion]

Congrats on 400 Leadhead! And T4TW!

Alien: So you're not interested in acquiring a bottle of Shine-B-Gone Head Dullener?
Picard: No thank you!
Bridge Crew: WE'LL TAKE A CASE!

 

[2takesfrakes]

PICARD: "... huffarr! Huffarrah!! HUFFARRRRAY!!! fah-fah-fah ... fah-Fah-fo-Hi...!!!"

WORF: "The Captain's been 'slain in the spirit,' again! Hallelujah! Do we have anyone who can decipher, or interpret ... "

WESLEY (os): "Yes! 'Praise the Lord! Blessed is He in the' ... "

RIKER (os): "'Offer me no more vain sacrifices' sayeth The Lord. What He demands is a Repentant Heart! Repent! REPENT!!!"

LaFORGE (os): "If loving The Lord is wrong ... then I don't want to be right! Can someone give me an 'Amen'?!"

 

[Finn]

Riker: Damn it, Deanna! We told you not to be a backseat driver!

Riker: Maybe we should stop having Worf go out for number two

 

[Triskelion]

Helm: That's nowhere near the thermal exhaust port.
Data: I am aware of that, Lieutenant.
Helm: I mean, you shouldn't have turned off your targeting computer, or maybe you should have kept your eyes open -
Data: Let it go!
Helm: I'm just saying, if this had been a real situation, and galactic security rested on that one shot.....
Data: If this had been a real situation your royal butt would still be rotting in an imperial cell, Your Heinous.

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Picard: "Chak de Phatte!"
Worf: "A Panjabi war cry?! Has the Captain been on the Desi again?"

 

[Nerys Myk]

A tribute to the 400th contest

My Spock of Ages entry from several years ago,

 

[JirinPanthosa]

KTARIAN: What is the meaning of this?!
PICARD: You told us the game was free, then started charging slips of latinum for in game rewards! We want our money back!

WORF: Is that your mime act? Don't quit your day job.

SPOCK: These ships contain a small number of troops who believe they constitute a Romulan invasion force. They pose no threat to us, but I feel bad for them. So it would be polite to let them get just far enough to feel good about themselves.

RIKER: Wesley, why are you spinning the camera around like that? We're just sitting here.
WESLEY: Shaky cam. It's retro!

PICARD: Analysis.
ENSIGN: Umm. I believe we may be flying through the crystalline entity's...toilet.
PICARD: Eww. Set course for the nearest Starbase, for cleaning.

PICARD: Data, do me a favor. Go back to the ship, wait ten minutes and call me, saying there's a crisis that demands my immediate attention.
DATA: But sir, there is no crisis. Or, are you expressing an insight into a crisis that will occur in the future?
PICARD: No Data, it's not that. It's just this dinner is very tedious.
DATA: Ahh, so you are asking me to tell a fib. A falsehood. A misdirect. A lie. A trick. A scam. A ploy...
PICARD: Yes, Data. But keep a little quieter about it.

 

[Rat Boy]

Picard: "Question, oh powerful mistress? Why does everyone keep calling us Glassholes?"

Worf questioned the logic of doing the Ice Bucket challenge in the turbolift.

Spock "This is Ambassador Spock of Vulcan and I am here to tell you of the potential danger of interstellar supernovas..."

Riker: "Great, not another one of those crackpot pseudo-science shows. Turn it back to PHLOX News."

Troi: "Would this be a bad time to mention I forgot to use the loo before we left the ship?"

Picard: "Rust, wonderful. There goes our resell value."

Picard: "And please have the barber fired. I haven't seen this many 1980s haircuts since I was watching a VH1 marathon."

 

[Nerys Myk]

DATA: It would appear Wesley wasn't inside when we went to warp.

DORN: Someone call the paramedics. Patrick tried to break dance again.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Data: Captain, the Klingon commander is hailing. He wishes to know if our Starship insurance is current.

Worf: Sir, perhaps this is not an appropriate time to "raise the roof"?

Deanna: I'm sensing pain...PAIN...as if a million TrekBBS users suddenly cried out with "Bohemian Rhapsody" jokes!

Data: I am curious, Commander, why would Counselor Troi mention an obscure musical number in a crisis situation?

Riker: ...Just fly the damn shuttle, Data.

Etana Jol: I pay a thousand credits a month and the only channel I get out here is THIS?!?

 

[Smellincoffee]

A tribute to the 400th contest

My Spock of Ages entry from several years ago,

Holy moses!

Picard: Raise the roof, y'aaaaaaaaaalll!

Leonard Nimoy: Effective immediately, the cast and crew of ST: TNG will cease copying everything the original series did -- on pain of certain death! Or at least being mocked by Bill.

Troi: I sense...Danger.
Data, Riker: NO SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!

Crewman on Left: Hehehehhehheheheheheh. Skidmarks.
Crewman on Right: Oh, grow up.

Picard: Data, two fingers of bourbon. Crusher's being moody over Jack again.

 

[Rat Boy]

Troi: "At least you two have chairs. All I have is this...couch thing."

 

[Nerys Myk]

RIKER:See, Deanna. I told you I'd find a way to bring you to orgasm!

DATA: I am not sure this counts as...

TROI: Oooooooo, it counts! It definitely counts!!!!!!

 

[urbandefault]

RIKER: No, Deanna, I can't pull over! I told you to go before we left the Enterprise! Now you'll just have to hold it!

 

[Triskelion]

Dorn: (After 2 hours of makeup) FINALLY!
Stewart: Right, we're all here then.
Director: Alien ready? Crew ready? Places. Action!
Stewart: Make it so!
Director: Cut! That's a wrap!
Stewart: Let's all go to my house, I'm having a pizza pool party and you're all invited!
All: Yay!
Director: Dibs on Dorn's slices!
Dorn: @#$%^&*.... (2 more hours of makeup)

Worf: No need for that, sir. Commander Stinknuts has left the bridge.

Spock: With Starfleet's budget cuts in my off hours I've been moonlighting as a dressing room changing screen.

Riker: You see, Deanna? This is how you pull a ship out of a spin.
Troi: Yeah yeah, turn it up, this is my jam! Everybody get up - WOO! Hey, Hey, Hey!
Data: Should I turn off the oxygen, sir?
Riker: Yes, Data. I'm begging you.

Picard: Garçon, what is this fly doing in my soup?
Data: It appears to be requesting a beamout, sir.

 

[shivkala]

Happy 400th, everybody! Thanks for the win, Leadhead!

Picard: Before you leave, where did you get your command chair? It's pretty badass!

Worf: Security Officer's Log--It is getting pretty tiring dealing with these humans. Klingons experience 50 things worse than whatever made the Captain into a screaming bitch before breakfast.

Spock: Congratulations on taking command of a Starfleet Galaxy Class starship. Today, we will be going over the basics, starting with the Prime Directive. Lesson 1: Ignoring it, but saving the Federation.

Troi: Will, it's the TOS reboot which is being directed by that guy who did that drifting movie, not us!

Picard: Analysis, Mr. Data

Data: I believe the phrase, "It will buff out," is appropriate, sir.

Picard: Mr. Data, Since I'm not talking to Dr. Crusher, would you please ask her to pass me the syrup?

Data: Doctor, please pass the Captain the syrup.

Crusher: Geordi, tell the Captain I will only pass the syrup if it won't be used on any alien meat product.

Geordi: You dunkin' your sausages in that syrup Sir?

Picard: Data, tell Geordi I just want to drink a nice glass of syrup like I do every morning.

Data: You can tell him yourself, you're ignoring Doctor Crusher, not Geordi.

Picard: Geordi, thank Mr. Data for pointing that out.

Data: Captain, you are not not-talking to me and secondly, I heard what you said.

Picard: Doctor, tell Data to get off my case.

Geordi: Uhhh, Captain, Doctor Crusher's the one you're not talking to.

 

[Rat Boy]

Spock: "This is Ambassador Spock of Vulcan. By now, Federation sensors are tracking three Vulcan ships crossing the Neutral Zone. These ships carry a Romulan invasion force consisting of only 2,000 troops and should probably be ignored for the stupidity of trying to take over a planet of billions. I mean, come on, only two—"