DS9 Caption Contest 107: Paging Doctor Love

[Smellincoffee]

This contest is kinda special for me, because it's the anniversary of my taking over the DS9 Caption Contests. Well, sort of: we relaunched on February 8. But that was the Valentine's Day contest for that year, and so is this one! This year we're putting putting the good doctor on the spot, and celebrating or mocking his various love affairs. He had a lot of `em!

But first! Winners!

[

Vulcan catcher: "The designation of the first baseman is in fact the same as the word 'Who.'"
Sisko: "Way to take the fun out of it."

O'Brien: Quark, I'm cutting the transmission.
Quark: What, you can't!
O'Brien: Watch me.
O'Brien hits his racquet against the camera. Ending the transmission.
Sports Commentator #1: Lets go to the Instant replay on this.
Sports Commentator #2: A real power play from O'Brien here, his strongest of the season so far.
Sports Commentator #1: He's gonna need that kind of intensity when he goes to the Parada System in a few weeks...

O'BRIEN: Does Odo know your dart board looks like him?
QUARK: Actually that is Odo.

O'Brien: ``Should we let the genetically-engineered super genius over there know he's betting on the chocolate fountain?''
Quark: ``If he wins one more time, yes.''

Quark: Let me get this straight: we write down character traits, you talk us through a "dungeon", and we use our imagination to slay mythical dragons. Human games really could use some pizzazz.
Sisko, in a low tone: Shut up, Quark. Do you know how hard it is to get three women to play this game. Now, where did I leave my d20s.
.

tftw!

WORF: That was an out! I stabbed him fair and square!

And now, the many affairs of Doctor Julian Bashir! Watch him stare.

 

[Ithekro]

Farrell: Does your wife know that we keep meeting like this?
Siddig: Nana knows. Well she read the script anyway.

 

[Bad Thoughts]

Sarina: Bromance doesn't explain why you keep talking about Garak and the Chief.

 

[JirinPanthosa]

MELORA: Julian, I've been hearing some rumors, and I'm becoming a little concerned. How did you meet your last girlfriend?
BASHIR: She was a patient who I miraculously cured from a horrible crippling illness.
MELORA: And your girlfriend before that?
BASHIR: Her? She was of a species who finds trace elements in most M class planets' atmospheres toxic. I altered her lungs so she wouldn't have to wear a mask on the station.
MELORA: I think I'd like to go now.

BASHIR: There's something sexy about you Serena. I can't quite put my finger on it.

 

[Nerys Myk]

BASHIR: So, we're trapped in this small room with no chance of rescue. You know what this means, right?

DAX: It means you'd better take your genetically enhanced hand off my shoulder before I tear it off and cram it down your genetically enhanced throat.

 

[Rat Boy]

Bashir: "So, chances of us getting rescued?"

Dax: "About as good as you getting any from me."

Bashir: "Oh come on! How is my violating every ethic and rule in the book to perform a risky surgery on you just so we can have sex is in any way creepy?"

Bashir (thinking): We may have booked this trip to break up, but I put everything on her credit card.

Bashir: "Oh come on! How is my violating every ethic and rule in the book to perform a risky surgery on you just so we can have sex is in any way creepy?"

Dax: "Who was that?"

Bashir: "Former patient. Don't want to talk about it. Let's wait for the next car."

 

[Smellincoffee]

Serena: Also, I can kill you with my brain.

 

[Orac]

Bashir: C'mere.

Leeta: Nice trousers.

Bashir: Thank you, they're my finest paisley pulling pants.

Bashir: C'mere.

 

[JirinPanthosa]

Since my first post only had two for the narrative, now the other three.

DAX: Julian, thank you for helping me. I feel so...so... wait, did you arrange this disaster just so we could be trapped in a a small space together?
BASHIR: Umm...

BASHIR: Hey baby. Got any horrible illnesses in need of an ingenious cure?

WOMAN (Thinking): Oh crap, they're going to make out through the entire ride, aren't they? Happy place, happy place!

 

[Triskelion]

Dax: Maybe playing Seven Minutes in Heaven with an atheist wasn't such a great idea.
Bashir: Just let the entropy wash over you, babe.

Leeta: Well taking me to Risa to dump me is better than how I thought you'd dump me.
Bashir: Text message? Spacebook status update? Carrier pigeon?
Leeta: Postcard from San Francisco Pride.

Bajoran: Going sideways, Joe?
Bashir: I'll catch the next car.
Ezri: Hang on....

 

[Rat Boy]

Bashir: "...so, break-up sex?"

The trouble with the two of them being genetically enhanced geniuses was that they not only finished each other's sentences, they started them too so there really was no point in saying anything at all.

 

[f14peter]

JADZIA: "So Julian, what's it going to be this time? It's cold and we have to cling together to conserve body heat, just as an excuse to dryhump my hip? The compartment may suddenly vent into space and we'll need to hold on to each other to keep from being pulled out, just so you can feel me up?

BASHIR: "NO! I'm gravely concerned for our safety and wanted to make sure you're not scared"

JADZIA: "I'm sorry I misjudged you Julian, thank yo--"

BASHIR: "And we need to cling together to conserve body heat and keep each other from being pulled out into space"

JADZIA: "Jerk!"

BASHIR: "... and once you're recovered, I'd like to take you to dinner"

MELORA: "Um Julian, I'm not sure if I'm up for dinner"

BASHIR: "That's okay, how about meeting for a cup of raktajino down at Quark's?"

MELORA: "Julian, maybe sometime later ... um, do you happen to know if that handsome Commander Sisko is seeing anyone?"

BASHIR: "DAMN!"

EETA: "Julian! You've been a real jerk on this trip!"

BASHIR: "But I thought you said you find buttheads attractive"

LEETA: "I was talking about Rom's head"

BASHIR: "You're gorgeous, are you a fashion model?"

SARINA: "No"

BASHIR: "Could I buy you a drink?"

SARINA: "No"

BASHIR: "If I told you you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?"

SARINA: "No"

BASHIR: "Your lips look so lonely.... Would they like to meet mine?"

SARINA: "No"

BASHIR: "What's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?"

SARINA: "What I usually do in a place like this ... looking for some action, a Klingon or maybe a Nausicaan or two, show 'em what it's like being with a real woman"

BASHIR: *gulp*

WOMAN: "Now you make sure to get her home by curfew young man, I want her in bed by 22-hundred hours"

BASHIR: "Believe me ma'am, I want her in bed by 22-hundred hours too"

 

[Bad Thoughts]

Alex: After leaving everything behind in England, a promising career and home, to fly to the America's to become a big TV star, Rick Berman told me I was too young and too handsome to play the star of the new Star Trek series. Instead, I would have to settle on being the young, handsome doctor, who has his hands on everything ... and everyone. I think things worked out for the better, don't you?

Chase: That's a wonderful story, but there is something I don't understand: why would they have cast you as the series lead without having seen you, without even an audition? And aren't you married to Nana?

Bashir: We might die here, together. Maybe this is our last chance to be ... whatever we imagine.

Dax: I feel Joran's personality starting to emerge.

Bashir: Oh, shit!

Melora: I'm very uncomfortable here with only this blanket covering me.
Bashir: Thanks to my genetic enhancements, I have X-Ray visions. I can see everything already.

 

[Rat Boy]

Leeta: "So how'd your brother get the nickname 'Red Viper,' anyway?"

 

[Bad Thoughts]

Dax: There's you anniversary gift, Julian: an android of Stella Mudd. I haven't figured out how to turn it off yet.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Amy Poehler: Who are you, and what happened to the Parks & Recreation set?

 

[Captain Crow]

Siddig: Could you get Paul McGann to sign my 1996 TV movie DVD?

 

[tharpdevenport]

Bashier: "Computer, active Emergency Sexual Hologram."

ESH: Materializes on the biobed "Please state the nature of the sexual desire."

Bashier: "Jadzia hasn't given me any in two seasons. I see Miles more than I do her."

 

[Smellincoffee]

Bashir: Melora, I've just come up with a scheme that will allow you to live a normal life.
Melora: This is the fourth cockanamie idea you've had, Julian.
Bashir: Oh, I've had a LOT more. This is just the fourth one I'm telling you about! Anyway, this one involves putting YOUR brain into someone ELSE's body...

Dax: I'll have him back before 0100. Scout's honor.

 

[Triskelion]

Julian: Just let me activate the Roofietron 3000 and we'll get started.
Melora: Wait, what?
Julian: I mean, the neural transducer. Here's the remote on my keychain.

Sarina: Are you looking at my breasts?
Julian: At them? No. For them, yes.
Sarina: You're a pig.
Julian: That's - a GMO pig.