TNG Caption This! #398: A Galaxy Yar, Yar Away

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone! New contest time!

First up to the plate, we have the "Musical Theatre" Award, going to:

Geordi: A, you're adorable, B, you're so beautiful, C, you're a -
Christy Henshaw: Geordi, we need to talk....

Next, we have the "Spectrum of Light" Award, going to:

PICARD: First off, Lieutenant, can we raise the lights a bit? Not everybody can see in infrared.

Next, we have the "Epic Tales" Award, going to:

Riker: "Ow, hot!"

Geordi: "I warned you! Do you always put your hands on things that might hurt you...?"

Riker: "Of course not!"

*Two years later...*

Riker: "Okay, maybe Geordi's been right all along..."

Next, we have the "Classics of Music" Award, going to:

Geordi: it's been a long roooaaad.. getting from there to hereee…

Next, we have the "Better than Schwarzenegger" Award, going to:

Geordi: Captain, we've found and neutralized the T-1000.

Our Photoshop Award, goes to:

Picard (on the Enterprise): "Report, Mr. LaForge."

Geordi: "Captain, class M planet."

Picard: "What's it like?"

Geordi: "My oh my what a wonderful day."

Picard: "What do you see?"

Geordi: "Plenty of sunshine heading my way."

Picard: "Anything else?"

Geordi: "Zip.....-a-dee-doo-dah, sir."

Picard: "What?"

Data (on the Enterprise): "Geordi, sensors are detecting a blue bird is heading your way."

Geordi: "Really?"

Data: "It is the truth. It is actual."

Geordi: "I see it now."

Picard: "Are you all right?"

Geordi: "Everything is satisfactual. Wonderful feeling, wonderful day, captain."

Acting Captain's Personal Log: Having tried out all three command chairs I am surprised to discover that Captain Picard and Counsellor Troi have identical ass groves.

Worf: "I'm looking for the guy who threw his red silk underwear in with my wash!"
LaForge (thinking): "Uh-oh."

Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

And now, we continue our salute to our main characters with a contest dedicated to the Enterprise's first Security Chief, Lieutenant Yar!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Crosby: What are these boxes?

Burton: The positive fan mail we received about this episode.

Crosby opens the boxes.

Crosby: Why are they empty?

Yar: Here I am to save the day!

Riker: Go ahead, we'll wait back here.

Worf: Klingons bathe once every six years.

Yar: ANOTHER IOS update? I just finished fixing all the settings the last one messed up!

Worf: Taking all bets! 2 to 1 odds on Yar ripping all 3 Ferengi apart!

 

[Ithekro]

Crosby: You are going to do this for how many years!?

 

[Lance]

"... and all of these amazing prizes could be yours, Lieutenant Yar, if THE PRICE IS RIGHT!!!"

 

[Triskelion]

TFTW Leadhead!

Yar: Let's see, we've got Nike Lunar Swingtip, Nike Zoom Pegasus, Nike Flex, Nike Jupiter XR7, Nike Vulcan Vapor, Nike Saturnglide, Nike Centauri Launch, Nike Air Yeezy "Blinks" - and Spumas.
Picard: Wait - 'Spumas'?
Yar: They're cheaper.
Crusher: Spuma - whats?
Yar: It doesn't say, just 'Spumas.'
Picard: Wrap 'em up!
Geordi: WHAT THE - THEY DON'T EVEN -

Riker: Should we tell her she's running toward the rape gang with a novelty marital aid?
Crusher: Let's see if she figures it out.

Worf: Does the penalty box match the hair helmet?

Data: I have no idea what I'm looking for under all this dense undergrowth.
Yar: I'll vouch for that.

Yar: Their heads all look like fannies! Worf, you better talk to them.

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: What is it?

YAR: Several cats, all named "Spot".

WORF: When you die, I am so taking your job.

YAR: I'm going in! Cover me!

RIKER: She failed basic tactics at the Academy, didn't she?

YAR: Grab the egg! The Great Bird is on its way back!

 

[Jonas Grumby]

TFTW, LeadHead!

Yar: "All right, Barclay, you slimeball! Hands off my holographic image!"

Yar: "He's down there all right, Commander. We can get him out...or you can be the new captain of the Enterprise. I'm good either way."

Ferengi: "A word of warning, hew-mon! If you drop something here, it's an all-day pain in the ass finding it!"

 

[Nerys Myk]

FERENGI: The small kick ass woman who can defeat multiple male opponents is over played and unbelievable!

YAR: I know, that's why I brought the Klingon.

 

[JirinPanthosa]

TASHA: Alright, we've crossed over to the alternate universe. And it's...my coffin. Damn it!
GEORDI: It's okay Tasha. One day we'll find a universe where you survived your first year. I mean, every possible decision you could have made, right? One of them had to be the right one.

RIKER: Beverly, stop, let Tasha run in guns blazing first.
TASHA: All clear!
RIKER: Okay, now go in.

WORF: Just wanted to let you know, I'm after your job.
TASHA: Over my dead body!

TASHA: Scans aren't getting through. There's some kind of toxic cloud in the atmosphere. Something very pungent, very thick. Oh God, I'm smelling it!
RIKER: Oh, sorry, that's my cologne.

TASHA: What's wrong with you? Why are you all hunched over like that and jumping around like monkeys, and talking in that weird seething way? Most Ferengi I've met are clever businessmen.
FERENGI: Ssssttth we all have horrible spinal disfigurments...ssstttthhh and speeech impediments!

 

[Nerys Myk]

TASHA: What's wrong with you? Why are you all hunched over like that and jumping around like monkeys, and talking in that weird seething way? Most Ferengi I've met are clever businessmen.

FERENGI: It's these damned fur vests! They're crawling with fleas!

 

[Rat Boy]

Yar: "They're from the Acme Corporation. I've got a bad feeling about this."

Beverly: "Will? Would you stop staring at her ass?"

Worf: "Commander Data accidentally Facetimed the bridge when you two were..."

Riker: "Find anything yet?"

Yar: "How the hell should I know? You gave the tricorder to the wrong goldshirt!"

Yar: "Which one of you twits messed up my friend's hair?"

 

[Mojochi]

Tasha noticed that of the boxes which Q had filled with detailed accounts of all their futures...... hers was missing

Riker: I actually don't think you'll be needed after all, Doctor.

Worf: My health exam took longer than normal because Klingons have 2 of every vital organ

Yar: Every organ?

Yar: I'm getting those readings back now, Commander..... Poison Sumac, Sir.

So... Who will get to see no evil, hear no evil & speak no evil for the rest of their lives?

.

 

[shivkala]

Picard: What's this?

Geordi: Your new Ready Room furniture that Starfleet ordered from Ikea.

Picard: Merde. Okay, let's unpack them, I'll bet anyone that the instructions are in the last box we open. Oh, and Mr. Data, prepare the Allen Wrenches.

Yar: Stay here! These drug dealers are dangerous!

Riker: Remind them that Nancy Reagan told them to just say, "No!"

Yar: Did you know that Data has removable parts?

Yar: Sir, the tricorder says this is not actually a plot-hole, but I am getting a cliche reading. It seems like "Locked in a Room", with a twist, as the Captain and Doctor share sexual tension and not animosity.

Worf: Lt., what are you doing?

Yar: Come on, Worf, they are offering me a great deal on my hair gel. Do you know how hard it is to find it?
http://www.trekbbs.com//www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Picard: "More of Ensign Schrodinger's cat experiments?"
Yar: "I'm calling the ASPCA about this!"

 

[urbandefault]

YAR: Cartier? That Q really knows how to woo a girl.

RIKER: YAR! WATCH OUT FOR THAT ... trip wire.

YAR: HAND OFF MY ASS, WORF!
WORF: That's the last time I take dating advice from Commander Riker.

RIKER: Readings, lieutenant?
YAR: A hole, sir.
RIKER: A hole? What is it?
YAR: An opening in the ground, sir, but that's not important right now.

YAR: Worf, which one of these buttheads should get his ass kicked first?
WORF: I recommend "Rock Paper Scissors Lizard Spock."

 

[Velocity]

YAR:So this is where the hurt lockers are stored.

YAR: I'm the jammer, you two follow me!
CRUSHER: Whaaat?
RIKER: Yar is reliving her roller derby glory days.

YAR: I realize that this is the standard holosuite music video program, but those are the UGLIEST backup dancers I've ever seen!

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Tasha: So this is what my career has come to...making deliveries for Amazon.com?

 

[Ithekro]

Worf: The color of your uniform is without honor. It is the color of cowards and Captain Kirk. Red is the color of a true warrior's uniform. I would only wear such a color as a honor debt to the dead.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Evil Picard: "Lt. Yar, any onje will do -- all of them contain a dick in the box."

Tasha did not take the break up well...

Worf: "Lt. open up wide."

Yar: "Why? Do I have something in my teeth?"

Worf: "Not yet..."

Patrick Stewart (off screen): "More smoke!"

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Tasha: (sniff) MISTER Worf!

Worf: I did NOT!