TNG Caption This! #387: Family Meals

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone! New contest time!

First up to the plate, we have the "Gin, disguised as Earl Grey, hot" Award, going to:

Picard: This is ludicrous !
Geordie: Captain, we have all come here because we care about you....
Picard: I do not have a problem.
Geordie: Captain we know that it's gin you're drinking out of your tea cups, you're fooling nobody anymore.

Next, we have the "Bridge Conflicts" Award, going to:

Worf: What have I told you about leaving fingerprints on the consoles?

Next, we have the "Sports Stats" Award, going to:

LaForge: ``Look at those standings. Why do I ever root for the Jets?''
Data: ``I have wondered.''

Next, we have the "Standard Procedures" Award, going to:

PICARD: Shut up Wesley.
WESLEY: I didn't say anything.
PICARD: Preemptive strike.

Next, we have the "Essential Supplies" Award, going to:

LaForge: "Two 55-gallon drums of penicillin, Doctor? Do you know something about our itinerary I don't?"
Crusher: "I take it this is your first visit to Risa."

Our Photoshop Award, goes to:

GEORDI: This is nothing but meaningless gibberish.

DATA: So it is from the Matrix, then.

So glad to see a lot of candidates for the

Please continue to post for this one! Jean-Luc loves a silly log entry!

Captain's Log: Today was one of those days where I really wanted to snap the boy's neck right there…


Wesley: I can hear you, sir

Picard: Mister Data, how long until we reach Starbase?
Data: Approximately forty-seven minutes, sir.
Picard: And how long will we have to take the engines offline for maintenance, Mister LaForge?
LaForge: I guess about - forty-seven hours, sir?
Picard: And how many women do you intend to rendezvous with on shore leave, Commander Riker?
Riker: Forty-seven, sir!
Picard: Nothing out of the ordinary here!

Many thanks to everyone who participated and congratulations to our winners!

And now, a new contest for the upcoming Thanksgiving week!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Picard: A toast to the temporary truce between Robert and myself that has no chance of lasting!

Riker: Thank you all for coming.

La Forge: Worf, do you want to tell him?

Worf: No.

La Forge: Data.

Data: We are actually attending dinner with Captain Picard, we simply came to take photos of how dreadful the meal you are preparing is.

Picard: (Thinking) I'm eating alone in my ready room from now on.

Data: I understand that you have been promoted from "Little Brat" to "Pain in the Rectum." Congratulations.

Picard: Perhaps if we added salt.

Data: The soup is 99% salt, Captain.

Picard: The other 1% still needs to be drowned out.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

TFTW, LeadHead!

Robert: "Well, Jean-Luc, let's see if your toast-making skills have improved!"
Jean-Luc: "Here's to swimmin' with bow-legged women!"
Robert: "Still needs work."

Data: "Nom nom nom..."
Picard: "Knock it off!"

 

[Finn]

Thanks for the log entry win

Picard:*under his breath* We Picard men sure like gingers

 

[Hutchy01]

Jean-Luc: to Sleeping with the fire on and petrol on the rug.

 

[Finn]

Data: It would appear that the pumpkin spice craze has finally reached Romulus after it went out of popularity on Earth by the 2040s along with television

 

[Smellincoffee]

Robert: Death to the goddams!
Picard: Vive le roi!

 

[shivkala]

Picard: I'm thankful for the Picard family motto, "Ha, ha take that anthropologists!"

Rene: Father, I've always been confused as to what that means?

Robert: You know how Jean-Luc is French, but speaks with a British accent?

Rene: Yes, papa.

Robert: And how it is the 24th century, but we act and dress like we live in the 18th?

Rene: Yes. Believe me, I've been bullied extensively for it!

Robert: Well, we do so to screw with the anthropologists. They have no idea what to make of us!

Data: Ah, I see Dr. Pulaski has brought a 40 to pour out in honor of our homies. May I humbly request to be allowed to pour one out in honor of Lt. Yar?

Pulaski: Hold on there, Pinocchio, you ain't touching my booze!

Picard: Ugh, I'm full!

Pulaski: Look at all the sucrose based foods! This stuff could kill a man!

Riker: More for me then. We Rikers have an amazing metabolism. We can eat and eat and not gain a pound!

Data: Wesley, I am confused. Am I not about to have this cake?

Wesley: Well, Data, that's up to you, but sure, have this cake.

Data: And will I not be able to eat it, as well?

Wesley: Well, yeah, I mean I guess.

Data: Then how is it that Commander Riker insists that I cannot have my cake and eat it to?

Data: Sir, there is a fly in my soup? What is it doing there?

Picard: Looks like the backstroke!

http://www.trekbbs.com//www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/

 

[Mojochi]

Robert: Over the teeth, past the gums, look out stomach, here in comes

Picard: I really must be adopted

Riker: A black guy, a menopausal white lady, a Klingon & an android. The demographics are in favor of at least one of you liking this

Waiter: Shall I alert sickbay to have the stomach pump ready, Sir?

Picard: make it so

Data: Please take this chocolate cake to Counselor Troi... Set phasers on stun

Data: Incidentally Sir, it may interest you to know, that Romulan anatomy, just like Vulcan is significantly stronger and more durable than human

Picard: Yes... and?

Data: For example, the soup you are about to eat is 243 degrees Celsius

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Data: "Sir, I hate to complain, but...the way Dr. Pulaski is fondling that bottle is making me very uncomfortable."
Worf: "I agree!"
LaForge: "I kind of like it!"

 

[Britta]

Thanks for the "Bridge Conflicts" win.

Picard: Wine, bread in a basket, are you quite sure this scene is French enough?

Riker: As you can see, the sauce is best whipped in a figure eight.
Data: An interesting application of fluid dynamics.
Worf: What is the point of whipping food that does not fight back?

Picard: Please don't play with your food, Number One.

Data: I believe the Captain has failed to realise that the historical term "redshirt" has been rendered inaccurate by Starfleet sartorial choices.

Picard: If there's one thing I can say in favour of the traditional Romulan hairstyle, it's that I haven't found a single hair in my soup.

 

[T'Girl]

Data: "I did not receive a free slice of bread with my soup purchase."

Picard: "Ignore the oversight, or the Romulan Soup Nazi will never allow us to return."

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Data: Thank you for joining us this evening, Wesley. The party to celebrate your departure may now commence.

Wesley: Wait, WHAT?

Data: If I were capable of emotion, I would point out that Romulan cuisine is...souper.

Data: Commander, may I inquire as to why Dr. Pulaski has brought a bottle of urine recyc to the meal tonight?

Riker: It's to mask the taste of the eggs I just made, duh.

Worf: Those aren't eggs.

Geordi: And there it is...a brand new low.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Data: "Shouldn't that be cooked before we consume it?"
Riker: "I've tried that. It doesn't help."

 

[T'Girl]

Data: "So what you are all attempting to tell me, is that I am ...

Riker: "Short."

 

[Nerys Myk]

BOBBY: 'ere's teur t' best practical joke ivva!

JOHNNY: Aye,we Pickards laik eur long gem!

 

[AgentCoop]

Riker: Man, it's going to be so awkward sitting through dinner waiting for you to tell Pulaski that you're having her transferred.

Picard: I know, Number One, but we'll all be much happier once Beverly's back.

Pulaski: I'm sitting right here!

 

[GeorgeKirk]

"Captain's Log, Supplemental: I'm beginning to regret my decision to appear as a guest judge on Top Chef: Romulus.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Dad: "... and thanks for family and the food. Also, I'm thankful for that beautiful fire in the fire place. That stirs my passion just slowing time down. You could say I'm burning over time. In fact you could say we are all burning. Isn't that right, Rene?"

Rene: "Sure is!"

Dad: "Good lad. Now make sure you don't forget to check the fire detector's power unit."

 

[Triskelion]

TFTWLH!

Jean Luc: Here's to carpet that matches the drapes!
Robert: Because it does!
Marie: He already knows!
René: More wine!

Data: Sir, are we to understand you invited us to dinner, and it's scrambled egg? Singular?
Riker: But I sat on it for hours!

Picard: Starfleet will have to give us our relaxed-fit uniforms after this!
Riker: They'd never risk a canon violation!

Data: Are you certain this is a cellular peptide cake? Because last time you told me it was, but it turned out to be a regular cake and it messed me up so bad I had chocolate skidmarks for a week.
Wesley: Extra peptides!

Picard: These shoulder pads will command the respect I deserve.
Data: Undoubtedly, sir.
Picard: Now let's eat soup from dainty bowls whilst commanding respect.
Data: Yes sir.