TNG Caption This! #386: Fully Loaded

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone! New contest time!

First up to the plate, we have the "Pain Reliever" Award, going to:

Picard: 1st day without a headache in 7 years, starting in . . . 3 . . . 2 . . .1. . .

Next, we have the "Following Directions" Award, going to:

Picard: What are you doing Number One?

Riker: Chief Argyle told me to hold down this switch to make the engines go.

Picard: ... How long ago was that?

Riker: Six hours ago.

Picard: I think you can take your hand off now.

Next, we have the "Sweepstakes History" Award, going to:

Activity Puzzle Time! Can you identify the winner of the Cheerios ``Win A Guest Spot On The Next Generation'' contest in this picture?

(Answer: It's Denise Crosby.)

Next, we have the "Engineering Technology" Award, going to:

Data: Geordi, your check engine light is on.
LaForge: I know!

Next, we have the "Effective Devices" Award, going to:

Worf: 60% of the time, it works every time.

Picard: Captain's Log-The crew has no idea that my idea to play shipwide Hide 'N Seek is a farce. I've rigged the turbolift to stop between decks for a few hours and I've sealed the exits. Now, nothing to do but watching the Parrises Squares championship on the viewscreen, while eating ice cream, and lounging around in just my underwear.

PICARD (thinking): heh...that's the same turbolift shaft I used to get rid of Dr. Pulaski.

Congratulations to our winners and many thanks to everyone who participated!

And now, a new contest begins!

Enjoy!

 

[Gepard]

Next, we have the "Following Directions" Award, going to:

Picard: What are you doing Number One?

Riker: Chief Argyle told me to hold down this switch to make the engines go.

Picard: ... How long ago was that?

Riker: Six hours ago.

Picard: I think you can take your hand off now.

Nameless Lieutenant: Commander Riker ordered me to take over for him.

 

[LeadHead]

La Forge: I'm sorry to interrupt you, Captain, but your speech is so dull that Data has fallen asleep.

Worf: Don't use this console, it's the one that explodes every episodes.

Data: The computer appears to be insulting you, Geordi.

Picard: Mister Crusher, take us away from the extremely bright pulsar, I've got a hangover.

Ogawa: (over comm) Doctor Crusher to sickbay! Medical Emergency!

Crusher: Not now! I'm playing Candy Crush!

 

[Hutchy01]

Geordi: Will might need to go to sickbay to get ... that sorted

 

[Finn]

Data: Nice wallpaper. I didn't realize you met up with Dr. Leah Brahms in Paris.

Geordi:Uh…yeah, I did *swipes Android*

Picard: So that's why the Paris holoprogram was running the other day…

Captain's Log: Today was one of those days where I really wanted to snap the boy's neck right there…


Wesley: I can hear you, sir

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Worf: "Either the haircut or the boobs have to go. You're causing too much confusion amongst the crew."

 

[Britta]

La Forge: What I'm suggesting is that we interface Data's positronic matrix with the main computer, and allow him to take over controlling the ship's functions.
Riker: What would the rest of us do? There'd be no need for us to do our jobs.
Data: That would be most redundant.
La Forge: I was thinking we could lounge around in the holodeck getting wasted.
Picard: Make it so!

Worf: What have I told you about leaving fingerprints on the consoles?

La Forge: Didn't it used to be a different shade of purple?

Picard: *thinking* Shut up Wesley!

La Forge: Doctor, is this really the time for that?
Crusher: Sorry, my twitter feed is blowing up right now.

 

[shivkala]

Thanks for the win, Leadhead. Not to appear ungrateful, though, but as a mild chastisement to my fellow captioners, I always feel that I win the "Captain's Log" award because of a lack of other entries. Come on people, give me some serious competition!

Riker: The Captain asked you two a question...do you know why we've kept you here after the staff meeting?

LaForge: I'm guessing it's not to help you two improve your "Good Cop/Bad Cop" routine?

Data: Query: Good Cop/Bad Cop? Ah, an interrogation technique in which one officer feigns a sympathetic or protective attitude while another adopts an aggressive approach. Intriguing.

Worf: Do you understand your duty?

Lt.: Yes sir. I am to remain here, with my back turned to the rest of the bridge, pretending that what I'm doing is an important task, despite the fact that this ship is 99% automated and does not need someone manning this particular station, really, at all, except during a major crisis.

Worf: I do not like your attitude. There is great honor in the role of seat filler, a tradition that dates back many centuries and includes such notable positions as "Oscar Night seat filler," "Emmy Night seat filler," "Golden Globes Night seat filler," and so on...

Lt.: Sorry sir, I guess I'm just bitter that the position is called, "Seat Filler" and yet, we don't even get a seat.

Worf: You're preaching to the choir, Lt.!

Chief Engineer's Log: It's just as I suspected. If we are truly in the Matrix, we're in one Hell of a boring part!

Wesley: I'm sorry sir, parallel parking a Galaxy-class ship is why I failed my starship driver's license test. I'm just a little apprehensive.

LaForge: Do you think we, as a society, are becoming too addicted to our screens?

Crusher: What? Damn it, Geordi, if you must talk to me, FaceTime me!

LaForge: Yeah, you're right, I'm over exaggerating!

Crusher: FaceTime or I can't hear you!

http://www.trekbbs.com//www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/

 

[Hutchy01]

Geordi: All I see now is blonde, brunette, redhead.

Data: How there is not even a single old byte of data here

 

[Jonas Grumby]

LaForge: "Two 55-gallon drums of penicillin, Doctor? Do you know something about our itinerary I don't?"
Crusher: "I take it this is your first visit to Risa."

 

[Nerys Myk]

GEORDI: Okay, the table has these cool granite supports, polished wood trim and an obsidian surface. So why the ugly purple chairs?

CRUSHER: How much freaking cheese do we really need?

GEORDI: The Captain really likes fondue.

PICARD: What's the boy doing at conn and what's with the uniform?

RIKER: You made him an acting Ensign, sir.

PICARD: WTF is an "acting Ensign" and how much did I drink last night????

WORF: Look, you got one freaking job to do. When I step away from Tactical you step in. Got it?

CREWMAN NONAME: Yes sir

WORF: Then why are you standing back here!!!!?????

 

[JirinPanthosa]

RIKER: That brings us to our next topic. Data, I thought that coolant leak had been fixed weeks ago.
DATA: It had sir. This is a different leak.
RIKER: The thing is, you're starting to trail your liquids a bit, and it's raising some eyebrows.
GEORDI: We may have to face the possibility that Data is a lemon.

WORF: I have an update on the chair situation. They listening to our concerns, but haven't figured out a good way to stage them.
ENSIGN: Alright, keep me in the loop. I'm starting to develop serious lower back problems.

GEORDI: An ASCII game, Data? That's what you've been working on?
DATA: I have observed the haircuts on the ship lately and concluded that retro is in.

PICARD: Shut up Wesley.
WESLEY: I didn't say anything.
PICARD: Preemptive strike.

BEVERLY: This can't be right. There are three barrels of methylamine missing.
GEORDI: Damn it. Data has been getting really into the Breaking Bad holoprogram.

 

[Orphalesion]

Dr. Crusher: Geordie, is that who I think it is doing what I think they are doing?
Geordie: Yup, it's photos from the time the Captain took Dr. Pulaski to that nudist colony on Risa.

Picard: This is ludicrous !
Geordie: Captain, we have all come here because we care about you....
Picard: I do not have a problem.
Geordie: Captain we know that it's gin you're drinking out of your tea cups, you're fooling nobody anymore.

Unnamed Ensign: It's my spot!

Geordie: Oh fuck....
Data: I knew it was not a good idea to upgrade to Windows 8.1.

Picard: Captain's Log Stardate 23860.8 Me and my crew are leaving Planet Corandim with a heavy heart, but fact is we do not want to share our crayons with little Suzie and the Federation Council can't make us! Bah!

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Troi (thinking): "Sometimes it's odd picking up images of what others are looking at. I sense two images of control panels, an image of the back of Wesley's head, an image of the back of Captain Picard's head, and an image down my neckline."

 

[Hutchy01]

Troi (thinking): "Sometimes it's odd picking up images of what others are looking at. I sense two images of control panels, an image of the back of Wesley's head, an image of the back of Captain Picard's head, and an image down my neckline."

Thought of a caption based on that ...

Worf : (thinking) Maybe standing over the seats isn't so bad!

 

[Nerys Myk]

GEORDI: This is nothing but meaningless gibberish.

DATA: So it is from the Matrix, then.

 

[shivkala]

GEORDI: This is nothing but meaningless gibberish.

DATA: So it is from the Matrix, then.

GEORDI: Naw, I could make out the Matrix. This is either from Reloaded or Revolutions.

http://www.trekbbs.com//www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/

 

[Nebusj]

Thank you!

Riker: ``Use the conference table for shuffleboard, you say? I'm listening.''

Worf: ``Why isn't that lieutenant wearing pants?''
Ensign: ``Just said it's a command-track thing.''

LaForge: ``Look at those standings. Why do I ever root for the Jets?''
Data: ``I have wondered.''

Picard: ``Captain's log. We have made little progress looking for the person who glued all the bridge staff's eyes shut, for reasons that I suppose are obvious.''

Crusher: ``Man, these specs. I am so tempted to get Google Glass.''
LaForge: ``I don't see what's so special about it.''

 

[Mojochi]

Thanks for the win!

Riker: Couldn't you have just sat on the other side of the table? I'm going to need a chiropractor now!

Worf: No, I don't think you'd look better as a blonde, & for the record, stop trying to look like Lt. Yar. It's not getting you promoted

Geordi: Gawd, I hate 24th century Sudoku

Picard: I said take us to port

Riker: But sir, wouldn't you prefer a Cabernet Sauvignon ?

Crusher: Dammit Selar. Do I have to do everything myself? It's only a human breach birth. Just reach into Ogawa & turn the baby around

Geordi: Ughhhhh..... I didn't need to see that

 

[Leviathan]

Offscreen: OK, we're accelerating upward so everyone look DOWN!