TNG Caption This! #378: Paramount Importance

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone! Not waiting until the last seconds of the weekend this time! Lets begin!

First up to the plate, we have the "Mysteries" Award, going to:

Geordi: The red represents the area over which we found the remains of Leyland T. Lynch.

Picard: And no one knows who pushed him into the giant meat grinder?

Geordi: Complete mystery sir.

Next, we have the "This Door not designed to accommodate Vorlon Encounter Suits" Award, going to:

Picard: Yes, very funny, Mr. Kosh. Now will you please step aside and allow me to reach my ready room?

Next, we have the "Lack of Privacy" Award, going to:

Picard: A mind reader with no boundaries, great....
Lwaxana: So who's this...Batanides, and why do you need to drink until I look like her?

Next, we have the "She hated the transporters, the feeling was mutual" Award, going to:

PICARD: Lieutenant. What happened to Dr Pulaski?
GOLDSHIRT: Umm...
PICARD: You accidentally rematerialized her out in space, didn't you?
GOLDSHIRT: I don't see how that could have happened.
PICARD: Riker, see if we can get Dr Crusher back. And don't let Chief O'Brien out of the transporter room for a second. Nobody else can be trusted with it.

Next, we have the "Complex Weaponry" Award, going to:

Musketeer: "SET SABRES TO RUN..... THROUGH!"

Our Photoshop Award, goes to:

ZARABETH: Mr. Atoz, this is not the Library.

RIKER: I see the Captain brought back a souvenir from Sarpeidon.

Riker: First Officer's Log, Sometimes, I like to believe that we're fictional characters in a story where, from time to time, the writers get lazy and just insert other, famous, fictional characters into our stories because they were up late doing drugs the night before.

LaForge: I can't believe what Reg is doing with his holodeck time. It's unconscionable!

Troi: You're seriously going to try for the moral high ground here, Mr. "Every Time You Touch the Engines"?

Congratulations to our winners and many thanks to everyone who participated!

And now, a new contest!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Riker: (thinking) I would be such a better First Officer than that guy.

Riker: Oh, you have a kid. Never mind.

Picard: Call Sickbay, the Picard Maneuver has gone awry.

Picard: Good luck, Wesley. Prepare for transport.

Tasha: (thinking) Does he know that I've never operated this thing before?

Worf: You took my antique swords out of the original packaging! You are without honor!

 

[Finn]

Riker: Oh, you have a kid. Never mind.

Wesley: She's not my kid. She's my mom

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Riker (thinking): "Wow! She's a knockout! That hair! Those eyes! That body! This is going to be great! The only thing that could foul this up is if she turned out to have a thing for our bald old fart of a captain. Or if my ex-girlfriend showed up."

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

"This is Lieutenant Worf, for Ginsu swords. For when you MUST be ready to fight!"

 

[shivkala]

Thanks for the win, Leadhead!

Picard: Captain's Log: Open mic night on the bridge was not one of my better ideas.

Sadly, going by the expression on the faces of Gates McFadden, Jonathan Frakes, and the extra behind Frakes, Wil Wheaton may be the best actor in this scene.

Picard: *to himself* I'm beginning to think Beverly is dosing my Earl Grey with Viagra.

Picard: Good luck, Wesley. Lt. beam him down before he grows another inch taller than me.

Crusher: *under her breath* Napoleon complex, anyone?

Worf: A sharpened sword make out of the strongest metal is dishonorable! If a Klingon warrior cannot kill someone without using a weapon that looks like it was made out of modelling clay, they are not worthy of the name, "Klingon Warrior!"

http://www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/

 

[Triskelion]

TFTWLH~!

Lieutenant: I bet you'd remember the Prime Directive if Shakespeare wrote it a thousand years ago!
Riker: He's got you there, sir.

Wesley: Are you my new father figure? He had a chin butt too.
Riker: And, a beard it is.

Picard: If we're going to be damned, let's be damned for who we really are! Supersize it!
Alien: Pull around to the first window.

Wesley: Table for two, maitre d'.

Worf: I don't see what was so funny. All I said was I'll be on the holodeck polishing my short sword.

 

[JirinPanthosa]

MACDUFF: Hey, umm, I just remembered something! The enemy...pretends to be completely defenseless and lets us blow up their warships to lull us into a false sense of security, and...umm...they eat our children for fun! Yeah, it's all coming back to me now, that's it!

RIKER: Well Wesley, your mother may be old friends with the Captain, but you should know that won't get you any special treatment on the ship. That's not how we do things in Starfleet.

(Picard thinking): Legs chaffing...need to find subtle way to adjust underwear. Damn it, Data just saw me. Oh crap, he figured it out and he's going to offer advice!

PICARD: How old did you say he was again? (Starts doing math in his head)

WORF: I have been training with this sword for years, and I can put on a rather impressive display with it. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go fight Indiana Jones.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

MacDuff: "So, a Klingon, a blind man and a bald man walk into a bar... Whoa, tough audience!"

Wesley: "Okay, you two have fun down on Risa. And make sure you have her home by midnight!"

 

[tharpdevenport]

Worf: "'...yet I find your double-edge blade strange and attractive'. 'Of course you do. Klingong worriors are often attracted to two-edged swords of notable length, and you have both. And you know it.'. 'Oh, your sheath is so big...'"

Ensign (off screen through his suddenly opened quarters' doors): "Lt. Worf!"

Worf: "WHAT???!!!"

Ensign (off screen): "You're needed on the Bridge, sir!"

Worf: "KNOCK ON MY DOOR!!! Knock next time!"

Ensign (off screen): "Yes, sir!"

Worf: "Did you see anything?"

Ensign (off screen): "No, sir! I didn't see you playing with your ceremonial sword again!"

Worf: "Chong!"

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Worf: "K'Ehleyr! I asked you not to use my blades to shave your legs!"

 

[Avro Arrow]

Thanks for the KBLA, LeadHead!

MacDuff: All my pretty ones? Did you say all? — O, hell-kite! All?

Picard (thinking): This is *way* too meta.

Extra behind Riker: Uh, why the hell are there *arms* in that tree?!?

Picard: I must say, admiral, I'm less than comfortable with these orders.

Admiral (on viewer): You're not comfortable with going on a commando raid on Celtris III?

Picard: OOOooohhh, commando *raid*...

Picard: Best of luck on Relva, Mr. Crusher. I just want you to know that whatever happens, we're proud of you, and you'll always have a place here on the Enterprise.

LaForge (over comm): Bridge to captain. Engineering reports we're ready to leave the system at maximum warp once transport is complete.

Picard: Always have a place...

On Qo'nos, even the guitars are sharp and pointy.

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: Good luck, Mr. Crusher. It's been a pleasure having you aboard.

WESLEY: Huh? I'm just here to re-calibrate the the pattern buffers.

PICARD: Isn't it Tuesday?

WESLEY: It's Monday.

PICARD: Then forget I said anything,

WORf: Holding it wrong? A Klingon warrior knows how to hold a weap.....AAAAAAAGGGHH! My finger!!!!

CREWMAN: Vulcan was gone, sir! Sucked into a blackhole created by an insane time travelling Romulan!

PICARD: Call Counselor Troi. Crewman Abrams is having another episode.

PICARD: Let's move away from the Borg Armada at the highest possible speed. And bring me a new pair of pants.

 

[Armored Saint]

PICARD: Congratulation Wesley and good luck on your new assignment on this ship with a dude who looks like a baby. Drink a lot of orange juice!
WESLEY: Sir, I still don't realize I was the best candidate of the whole Starfleet.
RIKER (thinking): He still doesn't realize they asked for our most annoying crewmember.

 

[Avro Arrow]

Crewman: You can't just put gravy on it and call it done! IT'S NOT POUTINE WITHOUT THE CHEESE!!

Picard: Welcome aboard, young man. I am your father... KNEW! Knew! I *knew* your father.

Beverly (muttering): Smooth.

 

[Nebusj]

Lieutenant Commander Sheckey Green can't get any judges on his side for Enterprise's Got Talent.

Riker: ``Pleased to meet you, Doctor Crusher, I … wait, why am I younger than your son? Man, I gotta grow a beard or something.''

Picard: ``I have never had to resort to this but the situation is obviously dire. Ahem. 'That's all I can stands, I can't stands no more.' … How do I get the can of spinach out of my shirt now?''

Picard: ``Good luck (giggle) at the Sector (heehee) Fashion Show (snrrrk), Wesley. I'm sure (heheeheee) you're going to make us all prou-how-heeeeheeee. Er. Chin up, yes.''

You know, Worf might have the best yearbook photo of anyone on the ship.

 

[Armored Saint]

Crewman: You can't just put gravy on it and call it done! IT'S NOT POUTINE WITHOUT THE CHEESE!!

WORF: Kahless said "Frite-sauce was without honor!"

WORF: I sense the presence of another immortal.
ADRIAN PAUL (os): Hello Worf!
WORF: Computer, Highlander: The Series is without honor. Only the first movie is real!

RIKER: Please Wesley, don't lose this double-chin until I grow my beard.

 

[Bob Karo]

MacDuff: "So, a Klingon, a blind man and a bald man walk into a bar... Whoa, tough audience!"

Riker: Hold on. I like where this is going...

 

[Nerys Myk]

RIKER: You're wondering about the chin....I was involved in a mechanical rice picker accident as a child

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Picard: "Alright, Wesley, it's a bet! If you can wear that outfit to school for a week without getting the snot beaten out of you, I'll grant you loitering privileges on the main bridge for one month."