DS9 Caption Contest 98: Hell to the Chief
- Thread starter Smellincoffee
- Start date
O'Brien resorted to unorthodox methods to teach the Bajorans about cloud computing.
"What do you do with a Klingon with three balls?"
"What?"
"Walk him and pitch to the Ferengi."
"I'm detecting lens flare. We must be in an alternate timeline."
Having seen the ending of Lost, Miles immediately called bullshit on the Smoke Monster.
"Miles, I want you to draw me like one of your French girls."
"OMG, did you see what he's wearing? He's so short, and that ridge on his stupid little head is just so... He's standing right behind me, isn't he?"
One-week(ish) warning -- contest ends on Saturday. 
O'Brien: So Sisko got tossed.
Bashir: Yup.
O'Brien: And I'm in charge.
Bashir: Yup.
O'Brien: And I have to devise the strategy that will lead our team to a come from behind victory.
Bashir: Yup.
O'Brien: OK, I just have one question.
Bashir: What's that?
O'Brien: Is the "baseball" the small white sphere, or the long wooden stick?
O'Brien: Sorry, major, the omni's still red. Perhaps 'Kill them all and let the prophets sort them out' wasn't really the best plan here.
O'Brien's proudest moment came when he was cast in the role of Moses in the station production of The Ten Commandments.
O'Brien: I don't care, Quark, I'm *NOT* sticking my fingers in there. Fix your own damn translator!
Alien: So all your negative energy gets channeled into your clone here. He will age and deteriorate inside this room, but you will stay young and vibrant for all time. You'll live forever!
O'Brien: Um, have you *seen* my life? No thanks!
O'Brien: O'Brien to Defiant. If you guys want me to change those burned-out running lights, you're going to have to get a *hell* of a lot closer!
Bashir: Do you need a switch hitter?
O'Brien: Literally or figuratively?
O'Brien: According to these readings, their internet carrier is a pigeon, and you can download an actual virus from it.
Kira: Oh for Pah's sake.
O'Brien: The Keiko cometh!
Villagers: Run away!
O'Brien: When I was on the Enterprise, Ferengi custom dictated that no one desecrate the deceased Doctor Reyga with an autopsy. Now your customs dictate you to be sliced up into little drink coasters and sold at auction without ceremony. So which is it?
Quark: I have no idea what you are talking about.
O'Brien: I don't think I'm the most handsome man in the galaxy....
...I know I am!
O'Brien: When I was on the Enterprise, Ferengi custom dictated that no one desecrate the deceased Doctor Reyga with an autopsy. Now your customs dictate you to be sliced up into little drink coasters and sold at auction without ceremony. So which is it?
Quark: I have no idea what you are talking about.
Rom: Uhhh, Brother, could those be the Ferengi from the other side of the planet?
Quark: The ones who are also taken seriously as warriors! Of course!
Bashir: Don't look now, Chief, but they misspelled the name on your jersey. I'm afraid they spelled "Weiner".
O'Brien: When I was on the Enterprise, Ferengi custom dictated that no one desecrate the deceased Doctor Reyga with an autopsy. Now your customs dictate you to be sliced up into little drink coasters and sold at auction without ceremony. So which is it?
Quark: I have no idea what you are talking about.
Rom: Uhhh, Brother, could those be the Ferengi from the other side of the planet?
Quark: The ones who are also taken seriously as warriors! Of course!
Funny, tho Suspicions aired two months this one did
You'd tell me if I had a Xindi following me, yeah?
I think that would have won in its category last fall when this thread was current. Try your hand at our current contest, "Gowron and All His Rowdy Friends are Comin' Over Tonight"!
O'Brien: "I'm sorry! I know.. we're not supposed to even talk on the subject, but can someone please tell me where I can find a bloody bathroom?! I must have been holding my blatter for about six years straight now!"
Bashir: "Chief, please tell me you did not just swallow over a hundred helpings of whiskey flavoured chewing gum during these past few days?"
O'Brien: "Don't sweat it Julian, I can always replicate us some more, right?"
Kira: "Chief, are you absolutely positive. We.. I'm pregnant?! How are we even supposed to explain this to Keiko?"
O'Brien: "Don't worry Major. All we'll have to do is convince Keiko she's pregnant, stage a shuttle accident and tell everybody that the baby was transferred from her, into you."
O'Brien: "Quark, perhaps the next time we all decide to play spin the bottle, could you please consider first brushing your teeth?"
O'Brien: "Wait, are you telling me that after coming all the way here to Parada II to use your bathroom, I'm not even the real O'Brien?"
Necromancer O'Brien: "Arise ye ol' thread!"
Al: Well Sam, according to Ziggy you have leapt into the body of someone called Kira Nerys!
Sam Beckett: Oh boy!
Quark: Well, I've waited 156 years for this thread to declare a winner. Please tell me it's not one of those "Everyone's a Winner" snubs!
O'Brien: Ok, it's not one of those "Everyone's a Winner" snubs.
O'Brien: Now listen here, barkeep. Now that Keiko's finally left me, I'm going to hook up with the Bolian woman in the background.
Quark: I wouldn't suggest sharing a bathroom, Chief.
O'Brien: Really? Why?
Quark: That information will cost you one strip of gold-pressed latinum.
