It's not that I'm letting time slide by, it's just that I'm holding so many things together that if I want to pursue my dreams, I have to put something down and let go. Doing so would result in disastrous consequences. So I continue to simply hold things together and try to find some way to resolve these issues with enough time left over to actually live and reach for my dreams.
I wanted to be an M1 Abrams tanker in the US Army and I did it for 12 years. My other childhood dreams was to own a Doberman and a red Corvette. I'll be getting a Corvette in about two years. I am wavering on the Doberman, though. They need lots of exercise and I hate walking.
Actually, one of my biggest childhood dreams will come true in a few months. Sort of. And not in the way I expected. When I was a boy, I dreamed of being a writer, and publishing a book. And today, I'm a writer, and about to publish a book. Except it's a history book--not a novel, the way I dreamed. That's still pretty great--especially considering that I sold my book to a pretty prestigious publisher. But it's not quite satisfying. I never dreamed of being an historian, when I was a child. How did that happen?
I distinctly remember that my childhood dreams were kicked into high gear when I got that Farrah Fawcett poster.
I used to hope and dream that one day future Nick would come back in time and hand me the keys to my time machine. Still waiting
Thank you for explaining so eloquently what I was struggling to say in my previous post. In reply to the bold sections of your reply, it was my belief that what you couldn't remember or managed to block, didn't exist and thus couldn't hurt you. I found later to my detriment that it does, and it will manifest itself sooner or later in life, whether you like it or not. It was at this point that I began to accept the existence of the subconscious. It is very real...and very active and well aware of things you have long put away or forgotten.
I would be interested to know how distancing one's self from something constitutes 'dealing with it'. It seems more like hiding to me.
Oh, I know the subconscious. Psychology was one of my majors at NYU. I also know that when applying a cost-benefit analysis sort of pragmatic thinking, I came to the conclusion that therapy wouldn't be worth it in my case. I value its benefits for others, but I'm really fine without it. I find other means of catharsis. That would be the case if there were anything to be gained by going back to it. These things happened in the past, there's nothing I can do about them now. I could either wallow in that fact and let them control my whole life, or I can accept that they happened and move on.
I will agree with the use of therapy. It doesn't work for everyone and it is not always necessary for everyone. Furthermore, psychology is not an exact science IMO. There are therapist who are on the ball, and those that just provide BS sessions with you for a fee. You really have to discriminate when choosing a therapist. I am glad to hear though that you have coping mechanisms in place and have a handle on things.
^Thanks. Though I see you quoted the unedited version. I did mean to say that I DO see the value in therapy. It's just that I had my wisdom tooth pulled and I'm on some crazy ppain killers right now -- makes it a bit difficult to organize one's thoughts. Actually, the novel I'm writing right now is turning out to be immensely therapeutic.
You know--I never thought of that, but you're absolutely right. A fez is exactly what I need. But they're expensive. A real fez from the Village Hat Shop costs more than 200 dollars. Myabe I'll wait till I get my first royalty cheque.
We're as much a product of the way we responded to our early circumstances as we are a product of those circumstances. I've achieved most of the dreams that persisted over time and that were other-than-fantasies (an alien never crashlanded and gave me a Green Lantern ring, which is good for the Universe in general). Far more interesting has been all the stuff I never planned on or thought about.
One thing I have learned of late is that if you believe something will happen, and you want it badly, and want to take the risks to get what you want, you can achieve anything. I guess I've only realised that now. As a young child, my head was in the stars - I wanted to know more about the stars and do astronomy, or become a scientist and conduct experiments in a lab that could save the world, or learn about the history of the world and all its wonderful past. I also wanted to see the world - even today I haven't crossed the Atlantic Ocean and seen what lies on the other side. In the end, I became a doctor. There's a lesson to be learned there somewhere.