Worst Dialogue in Trek

[ThankQ]

Yeah, the OP could be a couple pages long, but I'll just hit a few of my highlights and not hoard all the good'ns for myself:


"All I got left is my bones"....

Clunky and awkward to be sure, what makes this line UTTERLY PATHETIC is that it is attempting to explain McCoy's nickname (not "Hang 'Em High McCoy" for the L&O fans), but that "Bones" as a nickname for McCoy is clearly from the old "Saw Bones" nickname from the 19th century. Basically, 2009 Trek writers thought, "Our audience is really fucking stupid, so lets spoon feed them". Forget the lack of poetry, this line fails in epic proportion because it assumes we're all fucking morons.

"Nothing like a good history lesson"...
While the EP was a high point of of ENT seasons 1-2, this particular line makes me think, "Well, Archer must be the only global celebrity to make it to 45 without ever getting a blow job." Nothing like a good history lesson? Only if it's Eddie Izzard in "Dressed to Kill".


Meh, I have three more, but I'll give everyone else a fair shake.

For anyone who has seen the ENT outakes, ...

"Cap'n, maybe this'll give you a leg up...."

Your turn!

 

[KirkPicard]

This gem from "A Night In Sickbay" yearns to be mentioned.

ARCHER: Sorry. Sorry, I'm a little on edge. I haven't slept very much but I'm doing the breast I, the best I can.

 

[Admiral Shran]

NuUhura: For a moment there, I thought you were just a dumb hick who only has sex with farm animals.



Everything else is Shakespeare compared to this.

 

[Epsilon IX]

A lot of the technobabble we hear is bad, but the ones that take the biscuit are 'multi-spectral subspace engine design' and 'interfererometric (sp?) pulses'.

As for non-technical bad dialogue, the ones that immediately spring to mind are a lot of the dialogue from the Voyager episode Ex Post Facto, especially the dialogue between Paris and that alien chick, which sounds like it was written by someone at a beginner's creative writing class. Another example of awful dialogue would have to be the awful 'jokes' we hear in The Outrageous Okona (eg. "Because you're a droid, and I'm a 'noid", and "so have you seen any good looking computers lately?").

 

[GNDN]

- "You mean he's your 'brother' brother?" - Kirk to Spock in TFF
His whole attitude and delivery during the scene is 100% Shatner, 0% Kirk. Embarrassing.

- "Masaka is waking...", yada yada yada - Data in Masks
Not interesting, not well written, not well acted. Kinda hard to watch.

- "And have you noticed how your boobs have started to firm up?" - Crusher/Data in INS
It's painful just to write that sentence, and I'm cringing as I hear the characters speak it in my head. Just plain awful!!! Not funny at all, and exemplary of all attempts at HUMOR in the TNG movies.

"Nothing like a good history lesson"

No idea what episode that's from or the context.

 

[Kirby]

Wesley: "We're Starfleet, we don't lie."

Cochrane: "So you're astronauts, on some kind of star trek."

 

[GNDN]

Wesley to Spock: "Even Master Yoda doesn't have a midi-chlorian count that high!"

Oh... wait... well... y'know, it's still lame.

 

[SchwEnt]

It's not really dialogue because it's only one line. And it's not the WORST, but still fairly cringeworthy--

Picard in "Sins of the Father" gives orders to set course for "the Klingon Imperial Empire".

Imperial Empire? Really??

 

[AJBryant]

Picard in "Sins of the Father" gives orders to set course for "the Klingon Imperial Empire".

Imperial Empire? Really??

No, wait. What? Really?

Someone actually WROTE that? And Stewart SAID it?

 

[BillJ]

I always found Spock's use of "hot pursuit" cringe-worthy in Arena.

 

[euphorik]

from "the dauphin" -

"Please believe me. Ten-Forward is NOT an illusion."

still sends cold chills down my spine, 20+ years later.

 

[Mysterion]

Pretty-much anything that came out of Tasha Yar's mouth in the first season of TNG. Espeically the "just say no to drugs" speech to Wesley.

Maybe it was Crosby's acting, maybe the writiers didn't know what they wanted from the character, maybe it was both.

 

[Forbin]

The Gazelle speech.

Phlox telling Archer he has sexual tension with T'Pol while the rest if us went "What? He does?!"

B'Nanna and Janeway leaping up and down like school girls squeeling "Warp particles! WARP particles!!"

Almost anything that came out of Garak's mouth

The dramatic pause contest between Arnold Moss and The Shat in Conscience of the King:
"Have you gotten... everything you wanted... Captain Kirk?"
"If I had gotten... everything I wanted.... youmightnotleavethisroomalive."

 

[scotpens]

It's not really dialogue because it's only one line. And it's not the WORST, but still fairly cringeworthy--

Picard in "Sins of the Father" gives orders to set course for "the Klingon Imperial Empire".

Imperial Empire? Really??

Reminds me of Elliot Gould's line from the movie M*A*S*H: "You're in a military army!" But that was meant to be funny.

 

[sojourner]

Come on, no one has mentioned "get this cheese to sickbay"? Which is more of a line than dialogue.

For dialogue, I would have to go with Troi and Picard talking about how difficult it is to learn new languages in "DarMok". The whole conversion just points to how stupid her character is. "What if I gave you this glass of water and said the word 'water'? Am I describing the container? the content? whether it is hot or cold?" I keep waiting for Picard to reply back "Well, what if I have numerous cups and containers all holding water in different states, pointed at each one and said 'water'. Couldn't you by process of elimination deduce that I am referring to the substance in each vessel?"

 

[Admiral Buzzkill]

TASHA YAR: "What am I doing here? Crying?"

 

[GNDN]

From TUC

Colonel West - "We'll clean their chronometers."

Scotty - "I'll bet that Klingon bitch killed her father!" wha???

Most all of the dialogue added into the VHS/DVD release should have stayed on the cutting room floor.

 

[brian577]

Almost anything that came out of Garak's mouth

Not sure if serious.

 

[Bry_Sinclair]

Anything Neelix says.

 

[Rom's Sehlat]

Almost anything that came out of Garak's mouth

Not sure if serious.

I hope not. Garak himself was rarely serious (in the "truthful" sense).