Work + Family

[Tiberius Jim]

I'm going into my 8th month at my job, and it has been a very different experience from any previous employment. Rather than being a cog in a large corporate machine, I am only one of 3 employees at the shop. It's a franchise and family owned, so my only two coworkers are my boss (the owner) and her brother.

Which lends the job a much different feeling than my last. It does have it's perks, mostly the fact that I'm not just an employee ID number out of thousands of employees like I was at my last job (although my boss keeps calling me by the name of the guy I replaced...) We are able to do a lot of cool stuff like a big Christmas dinner party and my boss will often treat lunch.

The downside, however...is the bickering. Oh dear God, the bickering. I have a sister myself and this is exactly why I would never go into business with her. These two are constantly snipping at each other and getting into ridiculous arguments. I just sit at my desk, listening while I work and I can't fathom ever talking to just a random coworker like that. It is one of the few blemishes on what is really a sweet job that I am debating whether I can deal with. It simply creates a very unprofessional and uncomfortable atmosphere.

Thankfully, they seem to treat me as if I am an actual employee and not the kid they gave noogies to as children.

SO what say you, would you ever go into business with a sibling or family member? And if you're in my shoes, being on the outside of the family but a part of the company, what would you reaction be to such a working dynamic?

 

[SPCTRE]

I work for my parents' company on Saturdays most weekends, and it works out okay. But it certainly took a lot of less successful tries over the years until it worked out the way it does now.

Working in the family business can be hard, especially when it comes to separating the professional from the personal relationship.

 

[urbandefault]

Call Robert Irvine. He can stop the bickering.

 

[2takesfrakes]

I would rather work for a corporation where my supervisor is an employee, too. In a Mom & Pop establishment, issues that crop up are taken too personal, for my liking. And being around their family drama would drain all of my enthusiasm for showing up to a place like that. And besides, when the company's that small, there definitely seems to be a Glass Ceiling at a place like that. Stay until you can find something else ... that's all a place like that is really good for.

 

[Timby]

SO what say you, would you ever go into business with a sibling or family member?

My rule of thumb is that while I'm not averse to becoming friends with people through work (I got to know my best friend in the world because his competing firm bought out my sole proprietorship, and we became business partners and eventually the closest of friends), I would never go into business with a family member or a friend. The minute the shit hits the fan, financially speaking, the relationship can and often does go tits-up about a minute later.

 

[Locutus of Bored]

My sister currently works as a caregiver for my grandma who has Alzheimer's, and she's paid out of the mortgage on my grandma's house, with my aunts acting as executors for my grandma's affairs and essentially as my sister's boss.

You'd think working for your aunts would smooth things over somewhat, but I can't tell you how many times it's led to awkwardness at family parties or to my sister feeling like she's being used in ways she wouldn't be if she weren't straddling the divide between a regular corporate job and one for family.

Anytime we have a family party, the aunts act as if my sister is the maid who's supposed to clean everything up afterward. Now, she does clean around the house as part of her normal duties tending to my grandma, but nowhere in that was the expectation that she would be stuck cleaning up for a family that has dozens of people show up to parties once a month. So, we would stick around and help her before she finally got fed up and said that everyone in the extended family should help cleaning up after parties too, which of course led to some bitterness from them.

We have dozens of stories along those lines. My sister feels obligated to accept behaviors she wouldn't put up with in a normal job because it's family. But at the same time, the family treats it like it's a normal job when they assign her things to do, and they also take advantage of the familial guilt tripping.

So it's not a fun situation, and that's before you even get into having to deal with your own grandmother not being in her right mind so she often insults you, accuses you of stealing her stuff, and even gets up in your face screaming sometimes. My sister is a saint in that respect, understanding that it's the Alzheimer's talking and not my grandma, but it still takes a toll at times and hurts her when she gets especially vicious.

 

[Toxteth O´Grady]

In 2001 my father started up a business doing real estate title searches. I'd worked for the company off and on, but usually never for a while. My main source of income came from working at a book distributer that has branches all over the country. For over 5 years I'd worked for them. Since I am single the pay was all right and I had benefits, but over the years I'd seen firings and layoffs and I could never help but feel that my contributions to the company were worthless. If they needed to cut some of the fat everybody was expendable. One time they laid off the entire management for my branch seemingly out of nowhere. I couldn't believe it.

For a couple of years we were promised raises that we never received. There was also constant overtime. For a couple of years we were expected to come in on Saturdays and to stay at least an hour behind on regular workdays. Extra pay aside, it never felt worth it, because it felt like they owned me. Eventually they put a stop to that and any overtime was only usually during busy times, Christmas for the most part.

And the thing is, I didn't mind my job. I actually enjoyed it because I got to move around a lot for 8 hours. It was good exercise. But I would constantly get transferred to other departments to pick up some slack. While others in my department never went anywhere. I have no doubt there was a lot of favoritism. They kept saying that every employee was going to get cross-trained in other departments but it never happened and the select few, including me, would always get sent elsewhere.

So up until 2 years ago I was just a cog in a large machine. Now I work for the family business full time and I couldn't be happier. It really helps that me and my dad and three brothers get along pretty well. There isn't anybody trying to control things, no arguing, everybody gets a say and everybody's opinion is respected. Believe me, when I tell people that I work with them I get the usual "Oh, I would never work with my family" remarks. But with us things work pretty well.

My dad really cares about every employee getting treated equally. There are only 5 people under him working full time and we all own shares in the company. We also get a percentage of the profits every week so the more money the company makes, the more money each employee makes.

And the most important part is that each of us is essential to the business. As the company grew, more and more responsibilities were given to us. If any of us takes even one day off that person's absence is felt. Even so, we all have vacation days (something my previous employer never had) and when one person is gone the rest of us pull together and get things done until they return.

So while I agree that for many people working with family is like walking through a land mine every day, it just hasn't been that way for me.

 

[Melakon]

I occasionally would hang out at a manufacturing business my late sister and her husband owned, and my nephew worked there as well (because he had trouble in any other working environment, including the military). It was compounded because I was having to live with them for a while at the same time, and I'd never been that comfortable around my brother-in-law for over 30 years.

The family dynamics were often in play, with b-i-l frequently (and justifiably) criticizing his son for being a dumbshit. It was never a fun place to be.

 

[Robert Maxwell]

I'd never want to work with a family member, under any circumstances.

 

[doubleohfive]

I'm going into my 8th month at my job, and it has been a very different experience from any previous employment. Rather than being a cog in a large corporate machine, I am only one of 3 employees at the shop. It's a franchise and family owned, so my only two coworkers are my boss (the owner) and her brother.

Which lends the job a much different feeling than my last. It does have it's perks, mostly the fact that I'm not just an employee ID number out of thousands of employees like I was at my last job (although my boss keeps calling me by the name of the guy I replaced...) We are able to do a lot of cool stuff like a big Christmas dinner party and my boss will often treat lunch.

The downside, however...is the bickering. Oh dear God, the bickering. I have a sister myself and this is exactly why I would never go into business with her. These two are constantly snipping at each other and getting into ridiculous arguments. I just sit at my desk, listening while I work and I can't fathom ever talking to just a random coworker like that. It is one of the few blemishes on what is really a sweet job that I am debating whether I can deal with. It simply creates a very unprofessional and uncomfortable atmosphere.

Thankfully, they seem to treat me as if I am an actual employee and not the kid they gave noogies to as children.

SO what say you, would you ever go into business with a sibling or family member? And if you're in my shoes, being on the outside of the family but a part of the company, what would you reaction be to such a working dynamic?

1) I don't blame you for not wanting to work with your sister.

2) I work for my family's real estate company in the summers. It's good work, keeps the bills paid when I'm on hiatus from my own job, and it's further training and experience for me to continue the business when my parents are no longer with us. That said, I'd never want to have to work side-by-side with my siblings because of precisely the reasons you detail. I have a hard enough time working - remotely - for my parents!

3) The perks are nice. The question you must ask yourself is: are they worth the things that irritate you so? Is a fancy Christmas dinner party worth living with these family members fighting day in and out? Also: a dose of adult reality - sometimes, there's just nothing to be done in a situation like this. I've worked plenty of jobs thinking I'd be working in reasonable conditions whereas the reality turned out to be quite different, simply because the people in charge were content to let things be as they were and I wasn't important enough in the grand scheme of things to motivate or effect any change. You're not a "cog in the machine" anymore, but are you important enough a person there for it to be worthwhile to complain?

4) Given your well documented predilection for irritability, is it possible this is all partly the result of same? I'm not trying to suggest that these people are in any way being reasonable about how they behave, but is it a possibility that you might only be seeing things from your perspective and not considering theirs/why they might be behaving this way?

Time and again in my life when I've encountered problems like these, especially ones that feel like they are other people's problems that are by their existence, affecting me, I've always found success in dealing with said problems by treating them not just as irritations but as legitimate issues to be resolved by all parties - including myself. Are you able, as an employee there, to try to help these people solve their issue? Or at least indicate why their problems with each other are causing problems for you?

5) About six years ago I was working on a reality show run by a husband and wife team. He was a director and they both were producers on the show. Several of their family members were also employed as staff on the show, and I was for all intents an outsider. Some people would goof off, some people were immature, some people were dicks. It happens. I just kept my head down and did my work. Within three months, they promoted me and I worked for them until the series ended six months after that. They loved me because they knew they could count on me and I wouldn't cause them any trouble over minor shit, and to this day I'd work for them in a heartbeat because they treated me so well. Why am I telling you this? Because the other side of the coin here grasshopper is that you might be just as well served to keep your frustrations to yourself and just do your job. For all you know the head of the company is well aware of the bickering and can't do anything to stop it. Do you want to be the 4,221st person to shit on his day with this?

 

[Locutus of Bored]

1) I don't blame you for not wanting to work with your sister.

4) Given your well documented predilection for irritability, is it possible this is all partly the result of same?

I'd like to think the first comment was just an innocuous statement with no history behind it, but I know there is.

And the "irritability" comment wasn't really necessary either.

He's not doing anything to draw these kinds of comments in this thread, so please don't do it again.

 

[Mary Ann]

I'd never want to work with a family member, under any circumstances.

Seconded. We'd never agree on a damned thing and constantly get on each other's nerves. There's good reason why four siblings are spread over three countries.

 

[Tiberius Jim]

I forgot to mention that my boss' husband owns another store of the same franchise about 30 miles away, and they're *also* constantly bickering over the phone since we share production jobs (We have a large poster printer so we print their posters, they have a spot color printing press so they do our press jobs, etc.) and inevitably jobs will go wrong, be done late. I did work with my wife for a short time, inf act that was how we met...but would I want to work with her to that extent? That I'm not sure about, because on one hand I like to think we'd make a better team than these two but on the other I can see how it might cause friction in the relationship.

BTW, I have no intention of complaining about the bickering or trying to do anything about it. I've found it's best to just stay out of it, as long as it doesn't involve me as well. There have been times where I get sucked into it because it's related to a job that I had touched at some point, but those times are few and far between.

Another issue I have is that since the business is family run, we often do jobs for my boss' relatives that we just give away for free. And more often than not it seems like the family members are taking extreme advantage of the generosity. Just the other day I put in nearly 2 hours of OT to place an order for my boss' sister-in-law...and we won't be seeing a cent for either my time or the product. I get trying to do something nice for your family, but when running a business it doesn't seem like something you'd want to make a habit of like she does.

 

[RandyS]

In 1975, my dad and Grandma (my mom's mom) decided to open a sandwich shop together. I was only 5 at the time, so I don't remember all the details, and in the years following, I heard four distinctly different versions on several occasions.

Suffice it to say, the story ends with my mom posting bail.

 

[Yoda]

Not a fan of the 'family business'. At least in my experience with my parents' business it kind of precluded getting a normal part-time job during high school. Always felt obligated to go above and beyond, couldn't quit without causing massive family friction, and got held to higher standards than a normal employee.

I wouldn't hesitate to start a business with a friend so long as the right opportunity came up. Ok, well certain friends I would be very hesitant to start a business with. But the ones that have their shit together, and that I know I work well with in other contexts, fuck yeah! Now all I need is some ambition and the uhhh... oh yeah... business idea.

 

[Kirby]

I worked for a family owned business very briefly when I was in High School. It was owned by a husband and wife, and he was also an attorney so he was rarely there during business hours. Jean, the wife, was constantly running on about how Bill would hate this, or hate that, and she didn't want to tell Bill about something, but she might have to, and there would be hell to pay. When he was there, you could tell that he was sick of her shit and just completely ignored her while she just yammered on.
I actually quit that job that had decent hours and otherwise good working conditions to wash dishes at a Red Robin for the rest of that summer.

 

[Captain Kathryn]

Yeah I had a similar experience. When I started working at my present company 5 years ago it only had about 10 employees. It was very...intimate lol. Lots of bickering, no structure, etc. It also gave a family feel though and I was always confident that because of my close relationship with my bosses that I would never be fired, etc.

I still work there but have new bosses now and the company has about 40 people. It still feels small but I have much less security now.

I would love to just be a tiny cog in a huge corporate machine actually. Although I might feel more vulnerable to being laid off if that were the case. I am more confident being a strong person in a small company.