Women’s issues - bodily functions and such

[KimMH]

I did not realize it came in a manga. Now I’d like to find one - thanks!

The idea is actually very compelling to me- the idea that your stuff owns you and that excising clutter from your life frees you. I have the same problem most hoarders have; I can’t properly gauge how important stuff is. Everything I encounter has potential. I want to give it meaning by using it and loving it.

 

[Refuge]

Is the opposite of being a hoarder a purger? (Looks wrong). Clutter does my head in. Probably comes from years of being an Army brat and relocating, we streamlined our stuff. Only occasionally have I regretted throwing something out or sending it off to charity but at the time it's kind of liberating! I don't especially care for that sense of nostalgia finding an old book may bring. Even posts on message boards I'll delete and tidy up. Probably ditch this one There is an exception though. Cookbooks. I love really old retro ones and have kept a few over the years that have my Mother and Grandmother's hand writing in them.

 

[Peach Wookiee]

^I'm not alone! YAY! I've kept two copies of the same cookbook because they belonged to both of my grandmothers. I love looking at their writing.

 

[May 20]

I adore cookbooks, too, though I really do need to go through mine and declutter. I have my mom's cookbook, and I love using it.

I have been using FlyLady for many years, and so I have been decluttering for years, too. I'm a Navy brat, so I lived a streamlined life throughout my childhood. We purged because we were moving. Not moving regularly (yay) meant I had to learn to purge just because. And that's hard. There are a few things that I regret getting rid of over the years, but on the whole, it's just stuff. Even my books that I utterly adore. It's just stuff.

 

[KimMH]

I really liked Flylady but her site sent me dozens of emails a day and most of them were links to her sponsors. I don't begrudge her making a living off my clicks but my inbox is full enough.

The cookbooks handed down from mothers and other relatives is more than sentiment- it's family history. (MAybe more of that failure to correctly gauge importance but stuff that is left from us is from mothers isn't any less important than the stuff our fathers leave us.)

Lived in one house from age 5 to 18 and when my parents sold it the cleanout/downsizing was a lot of work. I suppose at this point in my life Dostadning is a better mode- cleaning so my son doesn't have to clean out a crapton of stuff when we die.

Joked to husband that by now only a fire can sufficiently purge our house - he reminds me that I'll be the first suspect if the house does go up in flames. Also being an insurance agent my claim will certainly be scrutinized a bit more closely.

 

[Peach Wookiee]

I've been modified Marie Kondo-ing through my bedroom for months and I'm going to hit a room in the basement as well. My cookbook collection was dealt with months ago. And...I bought a couple of new ones.

 

[rhubarbodendron]

Joked to husband that by now only a fire can sufficiently purge our house - he reminds me that I'll be the first suspect if the house does go up in flames. Also being an insurance agent my claim will certainly be scrutinized a bit more closely.

how about bribing one of your customers? You accept their claim and they'll set fire to your house at a certain date when both you and your hubby have an alibi (and previousely stored your ost valued posessions in a secure place).

My office is searching for an equality manager (by law we need to have one, so as to make sure that both genders - or rather 3 genders, according to newest law - have equal chances, rights and duties). I'd like to apply for the position but it'd mean a lot of additional work and I already have a huge workload. Isn't it a shame that in the 21st century we still don't have gender equality? (let alone equal payment!)

My dad was pretty mean to my mom last weekend just because she forgot to fry his sausages without the skin. Admittedly, peeling them afterwards is indeed a bit difficult if you have bad vision and the fried skin is too tough for him (or so he thinks), but everyone can forget about things now and then, particularly if they are in their 80s. The idea that he could simply learn cooking and then cook everything he likes, the way he likes, wouldn't occur to him if you'd tattoo it on the inside of his eyelids! Macho-ism appears to be bred so deeply into our males that it'll take centuries to eradicate it. Sometimes man(!)kind drives me nuts.

 

[Refuge]

^ People are highly unlikely to change their ways when they're in their eighties, seventies, sixties, fifties, forties, thirties

 

[May 20]

I'm sorry that happened. Is this meanness new to their relationship? Or has he responded this way to her throughout the years? If it's new, it may be time for a visit with the doctor. If it's part of their pattern, there may not be much you can do.

 

[KimMH]

^
People do tend to get more set in their ways -I do worry sometimes about my brain getting futzy and stuck. Maybe it’s time to try some new stuff!

My parents are both in their 80s and we have been lucky both are pretty well. We’d definitely worry if either of them became unpleasant or comparative with each other.

My former boss has gotten kind of paranoid and very difficult for his wife. It’s part of his Alzheimer’s.

I've been modified Marie Kondo-ing through my bedroom for months and I'm going to hit a room in the basement as well. My cookbook collection was dealt with months ago. And...I bought a couple of new ones.

 

[Refuge]

I don't know if it's a myth but some men get grumpy as they get older. My Step-Dad actually gets ratty with Mum for doing the laundry every day! He hovers over her when she goes shopping. Yet she does all the household stuff. When they travel Mum does everything, tickets, passports, transfers. Geeze he even gets lost Last time in Turkey. It's a bit tricky because he sometimes gets in the way of me even talking to Mum. I had to tell him off once as tactfully as I could. She's my Mum and priority.

 

[rhubarbodendron]

Thanks for the thumbs up, everyone. It's highly appreciated.
In our case it's mostly a clash of incompatible personalities My dad is a very pampered single child and never learned to control his emotions. Mom has always been an extremely nagging person who is completely unable to tolerate anything she wouldn't do herself. I'm trying to buffer the worst from both sides and to point out obvious misunderstandings. Sometimes it works but it costs a lot of strength. Fortunately, my gallows humour works like a lifeline and prevents me from going completely insane.
There's something to be said for modern relationships where people live together for years and get to know each other properly before they marry. After all, when you buy a car you try it out, too. (Hmm, might there be a connection between me having neither a car nor a SO??)

 

[KimMH]

I don't know if it's a myth but some men get grumpy as they get older. My Step-Dad actually gets ratty with Mum for doing the laundry every day! He hovers over her when she goes shopping. Yet she does all the household stuff. When they travel Mum does everything, tickets, passports, transfers. Geeze he even gets lost Last time in Turkey. It's a bit tricky because he sometimes gets in the way of me even talking to Mum. I had to tell him off once as tactfully as I could. She's my Mum and priority.

I don’t know about the follow up but a study of mice (not men lol) in 2013-ish linked reduced ability to create serotonin with depression in male mice so maybe there is some kind of truth to the impression.

All my peers are dealing with aging parents too. I think a lot of it is failure to manage expectations. Many women realize early they’re gonna have a tough slog the entire way through. As their domestic partners age the care men receive is reduced. My father is very proud of now doing about a third of the cooking. I guess it’s a start.

 

[May 20]

It's definitely a start.

I've been a SAHM for over about 15 years now, so I do the vast majority of the house work. I did most of the house work when I was working before kids, too. Hubby is planning to retire in five years (good for him), and I've explained several times already that I will allow him a brief holiday (several weeks) to rest, but after that, he's going to have to do his share around the house. I'm not going to do everything needed to run a house by myself for the next 30+ (Lord willing) years.

 

[Refuge]

I count myself as either blessed, or being part of the enlightened, or just not settling. Hubby is by nature a fixer, someone you turn to, someone who isn't afraid to pull his weight. However I also (personally) don't equate certain chores as being female or male based but more time based. So if we're both working outside the house we share household work equally. If I'm home based I don't begrudge cooking and ironing more. However my almost perfect man has one job he seems to think is mine and that is cleaning the cat's litter box. The cat thinks it"s my duty too. I'm out voted.

 

[Velocity]

I retired a year before my husband did, and I told him not to expect us to be joined at the hip after he retired. Despite that warning, he really does expect to go everywhere with me, which drives me crazy. I need my "me" time.

 

[May 20]

Yes, this is something that I worry about, actually. On the weekends (and when he takes time off), he wants me to be with him the whole time. *sigh* I never have understood couples who work together, live together, play together. I don't need to be with him every moment of every day. I need some alone time. Daily. I know I'm the odd duck, but I adore Mondays.

 

[Refuge]

It's funny isn't it? But Rob, Mum's other half goes to bowls on Tuesdays and Thursdays and Mum usually rings me then and has a good old vent session about him. She loves the break Plays whatever music she likes. God help her, even watches trash TV.

 

[KimMH]

I count myself as either blessed, or being part of the enlightened, or just not settling. Hubby is by nature a fixer, someone you turn to, someone who isn't afraid to pull his weight. However I also (personally) don't equate certain chores as being female or male based but more time based. So if we're both working outside the house we share household work equally. If I'm home based I don't begrudge cooking and ironing more. However my almost perfect man has one job he seems to think is mine and that is cleaning the cat's litter box. The cat thinks it"s my duty too. I'm out voted.

Great vetting with your hubby! It sounds like you both found someone great!

Huh and I alternate scooping the boxes but try to be the first to do feedings so we can be the “ good human!”

I retired a year before my husband did, and I told him not to expect us to be joined at the hip after he retired. Despite that warning, he really does expect to go everywhere with me, which drives me crazy. I need my "me" time.

Most of our weekends are now spent mostly together and I know what you mean. Retirement is going to be a bit of an adjustment!

Yes, this is something that I worry about, actually. On the weekends (and when he takes time off), he wants me to be with him the whole time. *sigh* I never have understood couples who work together, live together, play together. I don't need to be with him every moment of every day. I need some alone time. Daily. I know I'm the odd duck, but I adore Mondays.

As much as we love them it’s hard to make them understand we’re happier to be with them when we have enough alone time for ourselves.

It is a good problem to have but still a little bit of a problem.

 

[Avro Arrow]

95% of the time, I'm very happy to be single. But then there's that other 5% of the time. As someone who definitely needs her alone time, thank you all for reminding me how good I actually have it!