Woman in NYC cat call video is suing..

[Robert Maxwell]

But in reality there really aren't any major issues with people interacting, or finding relationships, or acting appropriately in public, bars, or elsewhere.

And so beamMe turns to gaslighting.

 

[{ Emilia }]

The fun part is that I keep saying that I rarely have serious issues with sexist behavior. My environment is pretty sexism-free. That doesn't mean I don't realize or know that sexism still is very common and a serious problem.

Telling me I see sexist jerks everywhere is about as wrong as it gets as almost all the people I meet are wonderful.
But yeah, it's hard to ignore the nasty minority.

 

[Robert Maxwell]

Yeah, some people still think "I don't experience it, therefore it doesn't happen," which is both unhelpful and wrong.

 

[Squiggy]

Yeah, some people still think "I don't experience it, therefore it doesn't happen," which is both unhelpful and wrong.

It's like disproving climate change because it snows in February.

 

[Gaith]

Oh, brother. You know what's funny? I used to be one of those "nervous guys." As I have become more aware of casual (and not so casual) sexism and misogyny, I've become less nervous about interacting with women, because I feel I have a much better understanding of where women are coming from as far as romantic/sexual interactions go. It's as if learning about stuff demystifies it and builds one's confidence. Imagine!

Great point.

I do think it's kinda shitty that, if you're trying to bring attention to ways in which women are treated poorly, you then treat the (female) star of your video poorly. Derp. A percentage of ad revenue would be sensible and fair.

Agreed, though I could see the video's director arguing that the value of the piece was in the idea and execution, and that any number of attractive women could have been hired in her place and produced the same result (which is indeed the whole point of it all, no?), so the flat rate she was initially paid (assuming she did get some such payment) remains fair compensation. Given the unexpected notoriety she gained from it all, however, a bonus of some kind would almost certainly be appropriate.

(She's also apparently suing TGI Friday's also for a brief parody video of the video. That one's a really interesting case, as it uses the same footage from the original video, but covers her up completely.)

The fact that she's suing could jeopardize her chances of being hired for future stuff, though, so again, I wonder just how much ad revenue the video brought in.

 

[thestrangequark]

I'm so tired of men claiming it's sooooo hard to act in an appropriate manner around women or to approach them. Do they find it really that hard to not act like a sexist jerk?

Mindblowing.

No, it's actually you who's claiming that men act like sexist jerks.

But in reality there really aren't any major issues with people interacting, or finding relationships, or acting appropriately in public, bars, or elsewhere.

Hahahahahaha. Please send me to this reality. I'd love to see it!

 

[wulfio]

As a general rule, you probably shouldn't publicly approach women you don't know in order to make romantic/sexual overtures. What, are you gonna sidle up to a lady standing next to a fountain and be like, "hey, baby"?

Um no. But to smile and say hello to a woman you find attractive in a book store who is coincidentally perusing your favourite genre, is there something wrong with that?

Reading here the women are basically saying they throw the blinders on and shields up once they leave their home. And I have to say I have observed many women's body language that indicate exactly that.

But then you hear so many women complaining that they never meet someone "the old fashioned way".

It's just ironic. But hey, there's always plentyoffish right!

 

[beamMe]

I'm so tired of men claiming it's sooooo hard to act in an appropriate manner around women or to approach them. Do they find it really that hard to not act like a sexist jerk?

Mindblowing.

No, it's actually you who's claiming that men act like sexist jerks.

What are you even talking about?
Very few men act like sexist jerks so apparently most men find it really easy to not act like sexist jerks.
It's just that the minority of sexist jerks is still very annoying and an everyday reminder that sexism still is a problem.

Yeah? On that we agree.

I was talking about your view though, no one else's.

But in reality there really aren't any major issues with people interacting, or finding relationships, or acting appropriately in public, bars, or elsewhere.

So you're saying "in reality" there is no major issue with sexism in public. It's all just in the women's heads.
Dude, that's so patronizing, it's unreal. Stop marginalizing the very real experiences women make. Most men understand this even without having lived a woman's life.

It's bloody bizarre when men tell women: "SEXISM IS NO MAJOR ISSUE IN SOCIAL LIFE".

It's a minority of sexist jerks that is still big enough to turn this into an important issue and who are you to tell women that it isn't?

No, that's you saying that not me. Don't put words in my mouth.

 

[beamMe]

But in reality there really aren't any major issues with people interacting, or finding relationships, or acting appropriately in public, bars, or elsewhere.

And so beamMe turns to gaslighting.

It's interesting that you have to be so insulting.
But then, attacks on a person's character are the norm here now.

 

[hux]

But in reality there really aren't any major issues with people interacting, or finding relationships, or acting appropriately in public, bars, or elsewhere.

So you're saying "in reality" there is no major issue with sexism in public. It's all just in the women's heads.
Dude, that's so patronizing, it's unreal. Stop marginalizing the very real experiences women make.

You somehow managed to quote him and then instantly put words in his mouth. Impressive.

I could be wrong but I think BeamMe might be suggesting that the notion of sexism being everywhere in every woman's experience is as misleading as the notion that sexism isn't a problem at all. I think he was suggesting that some people have a tendency to over-egg their social justice pudding.

For example (and please enjoy the performance);

And so beamMe turns to gaslighting.

BeamMe is emotionally and mentally abusing Emilia !!!

Oh dear God. Is Emilia alright? Should we do something? I can't believe we're allowing this abuse to continue. Where are the mods? Who will stand up to this monster? Who will fight for truth, justice and the American way.

Please God, someone! There's a child's innocent bike outside.

Everyone! Your attention! A member of this site is being emotionally abused and we must do something to stop it immediately. I suggest some kind of pop concert to raise awareness of Emilia's plight (I might be able to get Coldplay and two of the Spice girls). Dear God people, we can't allow this to continue!

Abuse!!!!!

 

[horatio83]

Easy for white heterosexual guys who have never experienced sexism, homophobia or racism, not just in the form of single incidents but as regular 'background noise' in one's life (not to mention the non-personal, structural forms of racism, sexism and homophobia that can be as grave or even worse than personal forms), to claim that folks who actually have are just enjoying to play the victim.

Easy, wrong and disgusting.

 

[Robert Maxwell]

As a general rule, you probably shouldn't publicly approach women you don't know in order to make romantic/sexual overtures. What, are you gonna sidle up to a lady standing next to a fountain and be like, "hey, baby"?

Um no. But to smile and say hello to a woman you find attractive in a book store who is coincidentally perusing your favourite genre, is there something wrong with that?

If she's not made any move to acknowledge your presence or interact with you, actually, yeah, it is kinda creepy to just start bothering her. Maybe if you made eye contact and mutually smiled at each other, or something like that--something to give you an indication she is interested in interacting with you.

Otherwise, she's just another customer trying to make a purchase and doesn't need another man thinking he's just the cock she needs between her legs right now.

Reading here the women are basically saying they throw the blinders on and shields up once they leave their home. And I have to say I have observed many women's body language that indicate exactly that.

But then you hear so many women complaining that they never meet someone "the old fashioned way".

Life is complicated. Who knew?

It's just ironic. But hey, there's always plentyoffish right!

Match.com just bought them, so they're fucked.

But in reality there really aren't any major issues with people interacting, or finding relationships, or acting appropriately in public, bars, or elsewhere.

So you're saying "in reality" there is no major issue with sexism in public. It's all just in the women's heads.
Dude, that's so patronizing, it's unreal. Stop marginalizing the very real experiences women make.

You somehow managed to quote him and then instantly put words in his mouth. Impressive.

I could be wrong but I think BeamMe might be suggesting that the notion of sexism being everywhere in every woman's experience is as misleading as the notion that sexism isn't a problem at all. I think he was suggesting that some people have a tendency to over-egg their social justice pudding.

I'm sorry, what proportion of women must experience sexist behavior before you consider it worth talking about?

Oh dear God. Is Emilia alright? Should we do something? I can't believe we're allowing this abuse to continue. Where are the mods? Who will stand up to this monster? Who will fight for truth, justice and the American way.

Please God, someone! There's a child's innocent bike outside.

Everyone! Your attention! A member of this site is being emotionally abused and we must do something to stop it immediately. I suggest some kind of pop concert to raise awareness of Emilia's plight (I might be able to get Coldplay and two of the Spice girls). Dear God people, we can't allow this to continue!

Abuse!!!!!

Easy for white heterosexual guys who have never experienced sexism, homophobia or racism, not just in the form of single incidents but as regular 'background noise' in one's life (not to mention the non-personal, structural forms of racism, sexism and homophobia that can be as grave or even worse than personal forms), to claim that folks who actually have are just enjoying to play the victim.

Easy, wrong and disgusting.

Indeed.

Emilia has said herself she directly experiences very little sexism, but hey, she knows it's out there.

For that matter, I've never directly experienced sexism, either, but I have seen enough and listened enough to know it exists to a pretty disturbing degree.

Some people rely far too much on their own direct experiences and are inclined to ignore both statistical data as well as the reported experiences of others. Both are valuable in painting our picture of society--not just what each of us personally experiences.

 

[Locutus of Bored]

But in reality there really aren't any major issues with people interacting, or finding relationships, or acting appropriately in public, bars, or elsewhere.

So you're saying "in reality" there is no major issue with sexism in public. It's all just in the women's heads.
Dude, that's so patronizing, it's unreal. Stop marginalizing the very real experiences women make.

You somehow managed to quote him and then instantly put words in his mouth. Impressive.

I could be wrong but I think BeamMe might be suggesting that the notion of sexism being everywhere in every woman's experience is as misleading as the notion that sexism isn't a problem at all. I think he was suggesting that some people have a tendency to over-egg their social justice pudding.

For example (and please enjoy the performance);

And so beamMe turns to gaslighting.

BeamMe is emotionally and mentally abusing Emilia !!!

Oh dear God. Is Emilia alright? Should we do something? I can't believe we're allowing this abuse to continue. Where are the mods? Who will stand up to this monster? Who will fight for truth, justice and the American way.

Please God, someone! There's a child's innocent bike outside.

Everyone! Your attention! A member of this site is being emotionally abused and we must do something to stop it immediately. I suggest some kind of pop concert to raise awareness of Emilia's plight (I might be able to get Coldplay and two of the Spice girls). Dear God people, we can't allow this to continue!

Abuse!!!!!

Infraction for Trolling. You could have disputed his use of the term gaslighting without all the personal dramatics designed to get a rise out of people. Comments to PM.

Emilia's reading of Beamme's post appears to be spot on to me.

Everyone needs to back off the personal remarks, whether about gaslighting or otherwise.

ETA: Infraction reversed.

 

[Gaith]

Match.com just bought them, so they're fucked.

Match also bought OK Cupid several years ago, but that site's still pretty legit, no? I can't say for sure myself, as I've been out of the online dating game for several years, though I've heard that the Coffee Meets Bagel app is heating up with the kids these days...

 

[Robert Maxwell]

Nope, OKCupid is a festering shitpile now, too.

All the cool kids are on Tinder these days, in which online dating is reduced to a photo and a couple of buttons.

 

[hux]

I'm sorry, what proportion of women must experience sexist behavior before you consider it worth talking about?

I'm sorry, where did I say you couldn't talk about sexism? The issue isn't talking about it. The issue is talking about it without being hysterical towards those who are part of the discussion or have differing opinions (see below)

My thoughts exactly. Before you casually throw the term Gaslighting around, you might want to read the link and understand that emotional abuse of an individual and disagreeing with someone online are not the same thing.

 

[Timewalker]

As a general rule, you probably shouldn't publicly approach women you don't know in order to make romantic/sexual overtures. What, are you gonna sidle up to a lady standing next to a fountain and be like, "hey, baby"?

Um no. But to smile and say hello to a woman you find attractive in a book store who is coincidentally perusing your favourite genre, is there something wrong with that?

A simple smile and greeting at a book store is fine. But ideally the next thing you say should be something about the genre, books on the shelf, or authors who write those books, rather than a personal remark.

If the conversation continues, fine. Maybe work up to "would you be interested in continuing this conversation over coffee in the food court?" (just an example from my own personal experience, as the last time I met a guy in a bookstore, it was at a mall).

If the conversation doesn't continue, just chalk it up to a brief, pleasant "smile and hello" and go on with your day. You haven't lost anything except less than a minute that would otherwise have been spent saying nothing at all.

 

[Robert Maxwell]

being hysterical

*re-reads post #90*

OK then.

My thoughts exactly. Before you casually throw the term Gaslighting around, you might want to read the link and understand that emotional abuse of an individual and disagreeing with someone online are not the same thing.

Cool story bro.

As a general rule, you probably shouldn't publicly approach women you don't know in order to make romantic/sexual overtures. What, are you gonna sidle up to a lady standing next to a fountain and be like, "hey, baby"?

Um no. But to smile and say hello to a woman you find attractive in a book store who is coincidentally perusing your favourite genre, is there something wrong with that?

A simple smile and greeting at a book store is fine. But ideally the next thing you say should be something about the genre, books on the shelf, or authors who write those books, rather than a personal remark.

If the conversation continues, fine. Maybe work up to "would you be interested in continuing this conversation over coffee in the food court?" (just an example from my own personal experience, as the last time I met a guy in a bookstore, it was at a mall).

If the conversation doesn't continue, just chalk it up to a brief, pleasant "smile and hello" and go on with your day. You haven't lost anything except less than a minute that would otherwise have been spent saying nothing at all.

Yeah, this isn't difficult. Where some guys err is in thinking they deserve an acknowledgment, a response, or further interaction.

Guess what, dudes? You don't.

 

[beamMe]

Easy for white heterosexual guys who have never experienced sexism, homophobia or racism, not just in the form of single incidents but as regular 'background noise' in one's life (not to mention the non-personal, structural forms of racism, sexism and homophobia that can be as grave or even worse than personal forms), to claim that folks who actually have are just enjoying to play the victim.

Easy, wrong and disgusting.

Hi, I'm beamMe. I'm gay, though, admittedly, also white and male. I'd like you to explain to me more that homophobia-thing.

As a general rule, you probably shouldn't publicly approach women you don't know in order to make romantic/sexual overtures. What, are you gonna sidle up to a lady standing next to a fountain and be like, "hey, baby"?

Um no. But to smile and say hello to a woman you find attractive in a book store who is coincidentally perusing your favourite genre, is there something wrong with that?

A simple smile and greeting at a book store is fine. But ideally the next thing you say should be something about the genre, books on the shelf, or authors who write those books, rather than a personal remark.

If the conversation continues, fine. Maybe work up to "would you be interested in continuing this conversation over coffee in the food court?" (just an example from my own personal experience, as the last time I met a guy in a bookstore, it was at a mall).

If the conversation doesn't continue, just chalk it up to a brief, pleasant "smile and hello" and go on with your day. You haven't lost anything except less than a minute that would otherwise have been spent saying nothing at all.

Very nicely put.

 

[beamMe]

Emilia's reading of Beamme's post appears to be spot on to me.

No, her interpretation is dead wrong and putting words in my mouth.