PERFECT TIMING
By Psion
“Alright, Matt, for this scene, we just need you to stand in the TARDIS with the door closed for a count of three, then come out, and say your lines.”
The lanky actor shoved a handful of hair to one side of his head and nodded, “Right. How fast do you want me to come out? Just over the top, or like normal?”
“We'll keep the camera rolling. You do it three or four times and we'll use the one that works best.”
Smith nodded again, grinning. The director raised his voice, “Places everyone!”
The camera tightened up on the TARDIS as the actor stepped inside and closed the door. A clapboard hovered in frame, marking the scene and take numbers and snapped together with a loud crack. The director leaned in to check the framing on his monitor then straightened up. “Alright, Matt. In three … two … one … come on out.”
Nothing happened.
“Anytime now, Matt,” he called a little louder. Others in the crew chuckled quietly. But the TARDIS door remained closed. Frustrated, the director let out one of his freakishly loud whistles and shouted, “Matt! We're rolling here. Come the hell out!”
He looked to his assistant director and shook his head. “Cut!” The assistant hopped down from her perch and flung open the door to the prop. Though there was only one way in or out of it, the TARDIS was empty. “Where the Hell did he go?”
* * *
Smith backed into the TARDIS, shutting the door and instantly felt something wrong. He spun around, just a bit off balance and leaned back against the prop's entrance. “Oh my!”
Someone from set design had rigged up an elaborate set behind the TARDIS doors, something that wasn't part of the current episode's script, but amazingly detailed. A short flight of stairs up from the entry led to a circular walkway that itself curved around a raised, octagonal platform. Live sound effects brought the whole scene to life.
“Wow! You guys have out done yourself, this time! What set is this?” He bounded up the stairs and worked his way around to the platform, looking left and right with amazement at how big the whole thing looked. “Is this supposed to be a new TARDIS interior?”
A single man, in his late fifties with a tweed jacket and braces and even a bow tie leaned out from behind the central console, concern creasing his face. “Who the blazes are you?!”
Smith broke into a huge grin and covered the distance between them in a single stride, his hand lunging out in greeting. “I'm Matt. I play the Doctor. And you are?”
The older man looked down at his captured hand as though he feared contamination and looked up and back down between the younger's face and grip. “Er … hello, Matt. I'm the Doctor. What the devil are you doing on my ship?”
The actor laughed. Whoever was having him on had put a lot of work into this prank. He didn't know of any alternative Doctor scripts in the works nor were there any new TARDIS stories, but he loved this new set. “This is extraordinary! The level of detail! The walls go all around and it even has a ceiling!”
The older man stepped back carefully and humored the younger with a smile. “A ceiling, eh? I see, you're quite the mad man, aren't you? Yes, there's a ceiling, alright, you poor creature.”
Smith looked down at the console, with its flickering lights and throbbing gauges. He loved the attention sets and props put into their work and started flipping switches with random joy. “Woah-ho! What does this one do?”
The older man tried to intervene, he lunged forward to shove Smith back, but not before the toggle was thrown and the floor went out from under both of them. A loud groan shook the structure and lights flickered around them . Somewhere, a gong started to toll.
The older man struggled against the imbalance and wrestled his way to the console while Smith clung to a railing along the side with a stricken look. After a moment, the shuddering and groaning stopped, the gong's voice fell silent, and the floor went level. The man whirled on Smith, “You young idiot, this isn't a plaything, it's a finely tuned instrument and you just reset the master calibration! Everything is out of alignment now!”
“I … I … I'm sorry! Maybe I should just step back out and let you fix it.” He made his way down the steps towards the exit. “Really, I didn't mean to mess it all up.” His hand fell on the latch.
“STOP!” Matt froze. “Where do you think you're going?”
Smith pointed to the door without speaking.
“Don't you dare. Not until I tell you to. Now get back up here and just sit on your hands until I tell you otherwise. Don't move. Don't talk. And if you can manage it, don't even breathe.” The man grumbled and mumbled to himself for several minutes, checking gauges and throwing switches, pulling levers, and putting on quite a performance that Matt really admired. This, he thought to himself, is what it would have been like if Nighy got the role.
With a final groan, a faint thud came up through the set and Matt looked around, again astonished at the detail. Maybe this was fan built and it has extra details. Or part of an amusement park ride. That's it! That made perfect sense, like those studio rides they have in America! And this fellow was tapped to play the Doctor for it. All the pieces fit together brilliantly, the fully immersive set, the integrated sound effects, the trick with the door leading to a bigger room than you'd expect. This would fool anyone and it'll make a fortune!
“I bet they're going to have to film a scene with me regenerating into you, won't they? And then at the end of the ride, you somehow regenerate back?”
The older man looked annoyed. “Is there something about the concept of being silent that eludes you, young man?”
Smith clapped his hands together and rubbed them, springing to his feet. “Oh, you're just annoyed because I figured out your little trick here! I love it, by the way, it really is … “ he spun his hands looking for the right word, “Brilliant.”
“Brilliant?”
“Brilliant! This will make gobs of money!”
“Gobs?”
Matt nodded enthusiastically. “It's perfect. Although, can we trade console rooms? I really like yours better. Although it's probably much harder to shoot in here with all the walls and stuff hanging from the ceiling.”
“You really do have an obsession with ceilings, young man.”
“And you! You're perfect! A bit understated, but I love the bow tie!”
The man touched his bow tie reflexively, then shook his head. “How did you get on my ship, anyway?!”
Smith pointed back at the entrance.
“Unlikely. That portal was active for only a moment.” A telltale flashed and he examined a readout. “Ah! Excellent. All the details look good … ish.” His frown transformed into a smile. “Let's go have a look!”
The older man stepped down from the platform and headed towards the door. Smith looked over the controls, but resisted the urge to spin the knobs one last time. The ride was over and it was time to go back out and have a chat with Moffat. He sprang after his counterpart and fell into his footsteps only moments after the older man …
And stepped out onto a desert on a hot day with two suns blazing. A tall pyramid-shaped building sat on the horizon under a reddish sky. His stride went off balance and his feet slipped from under him, depositing him in an undignified heap in the hot desert sand. “What the Hell?!”
“Be careful, my boy!” He offered Smith a hand to his feet. “Gravity's a bit different here, you should take your time until you get used to it.”
Smith looked back at the TARDIS prop. The familiar blue box with its St. Mary's emblem sat slightly uneven in the sand. He got up and approached slowly. He recognized every detail. He walked around it slowly, examining it for anything out of place. It was perfect until he opened the door again and looked at the impossibly big room within.
The older man watched him with some distracted amusement as he busied himself with some gadgets. “Yes, it's bigger on the inside.”
“I … know, but how?”
“It's very complicated. Now if you don't mind, I need to figure out where we are.”
Smith looked at the older man and then back at the familiar police box. Again, he made a slow circuit of the exterior, jumping up and down to get a glimpse at the top. How could they possibly hide a whole set inside this thing? It was an amazing illusion. He started to go back inside, but that harsh voice again forbade him, “No you don't! You're not going back in there while I'm out here. You've caused enough havoc already, you deluded juvenile.” The man shut the door and produced a key, locking it closed.
Smith tried the door again. Locked. “Hold on! The lock isn't real! How did you do that?” The older man didn't answer, he was walking directly towards that pyramid spire on the horizon, pointedly ignoring the actor. “Hey! Where are you going? What are you doing?”
“I told you, I'm trying to figure out where we are. I hope to find an answer in that building. You're welcomed to come along, I don't imagine you'll last too long just sitting there in the suns.” He stopped and turned around, assaying the young man's features. “Not with your complexion, anyway. Come along.”