Who do you take after most?

[auntiehill]

Aw man, it looks like I killed your thread, Randi. Trekkie sorry.

I read it but it made me think about a few things I wasn't sure about posting. I'm pretty sure there's some genetic predisposition to mental illness in my family. My cousin committed suicide when she was 13, I nearly committed suicide myself, and my sister has mental health issues as well. Those are just the obvious ones. However, I still want to have children and I wonder if that's pure selfishness.

That's not selfish. Mental illness is often the result of a combination of things: genetics, stress, family environment, etc. If you were really concerned, you could get yourself tested for illnesses that are known to be genetic, like schizophrenia. But clinical depression often stems from a variety of things--things you could be on the alert for as a parent, and are probably much more aware of than your own parents had been. As a parent, you'd probably be much more successful in removing certain stressors or at least better able to teach your child how to cope more successfully.

 

[TrekkieMonster]

No reason to apologize, Trekkie; that was a pretty interesting read.

And you have quite the avatar, by the way.

Thanks for the comment, about both my post and my av. I hasten to add that's not my body with TrekkeiMonster's head. But, when I randomly came across it on the net a few months ago I knew it would make the perfect Valentine's themed AV for my manipulations.

Aw man, it looks like I killed your thread, Randi. Trekkie sorry.

Aw, TM you didn't! I have had a lot of major shit going down in my house this week so i've been sporadic at best in posting here.

Anyway, i wanted to thank you for sharing something so private. {{{squishy hug}}}

This week i was once again reminded of how i take after my father and not my mother, when the shit really hit the fan here and my mother couldn't spare five minutes on the phone with me. My dad would have flown up to NY in a heartbeat to be with me. My mother sucks.

Yeah, I saw that on FB. I'm really sorry to hear about your personal strife this week. Squishy hugs back atcha!

Aw man, it looks like I killed your thread, Randi. Trekkie sorry.

I read it but it made me think about a few things I wasn't sure about posting. I'm pretty sure there's some genetic predisposition to mental illness in my family. My cousin committed suicide when she was 13, I nearly committed suicide myself, and my sister has mental health issues as well. Those are just the obvious ones. However, I still want to have children and I wonder if that's pure selfishness.

That's not selfish. Mental illness is often the result of a combination of things: genetics, stress, family environment, etc. If you were really concerned, you could get yourself tested for illnesses that are known to be genetic, like schizophrenia. But clinical depression often stems from a variety of things--things you could be on the alert for as a parent, and are probably much more aware of than your own parents had been. As a parent, you'd probably be much more successful in removing certain stressors or at least better able to teach your child how to cope more successfully.

I have to agree with AuntieHill, and apologize if my stopping a bit short in my rambling post left it seeming I was saying that no one with such a history should have children. I did not intend that. I stopped there mostly because I felt like I'd gone on too long and gotten a bit too maudlin.

But, The Hubby and I discussed exactly what our good Auntie suggested, and what I saw in myself and my own family to some degree. I think an awareness of what to look out for is HUGE, and having gone through it and developed the tools to cope gives you and your (potential) child a big leg up over pretty much anyone.

With all due humility, I actually think I (or we) could be quite a good parent. It just so happened that when we were seriously considering it, I was also in the middle of dealing with a lot of mental health issues of family members (including my brother, uncle, mom ....) At that point in my life, it sort of colored my decision making. In hindsight, I think I allowed that experience to have too much influence on my own personal decision. On the other hand, for us, this was not the only or deciding factor; it was just one of many, that may have stood out a bit more prominently in my mind.

When the time comes, I'm sure you'll be able to make a good decision for you.

 

[Yeoman Randi]

Aw man, it looks like I killed your thread, Randi. Trekkie sorry.

I read it but it made me think about a few things I wasn't sure about posting. I'm pretty sure there's some genetic predisposition to mental illness in my family. My cousin committed suicide when she was 13, I nearly committed suicide myself, and my sister has mental health issues as well. Those are just the obvious ones. However, I still want to have children and I wonder if that's pure selfishness.

That's not selfish. Mental illness is often the result of a combination of things: genetics, stress, family environment, etc. If you were really concerned, you could get yourself tested for illnesses that are known to be genetic, like schizophrenia. But clinical depression often stems from a variety of things--things you could be on the alert for as a parent, and are probably much more aware of than your own parents had been. As a parent, you'd probably be much more successful in removing certain stressors or at least better able to teach your child how to cope more successfully.

I swore i wouldn't be the parent MY parents were. And i wasn't, (still aren't) but in no way am i the parent i hoped i would be. It is REALLY hard to break certain cycles and when i am stressed to the max i easily fall into old patterns.

Also, in trying not to be the parent mine were, i (actually, we, the husband and i) made some big mistakes. We tried so hard not to let our first born feel emotional pain, we tried so hard to smooth the road ahead of him out, so much so that he never learned how to cope on his own. He never learned how to deal with stress on his own. I'm simplifying a LOT of course. There is so much more in it than just this. But boy oh boy.....if i could do it all over again!

TREKKIEMONSTER: I am quite confident you would be amazing parents! I'm not blowing up your ass either....i think you know how much i love you. And from what i've come to know about you in the last year and a half (here and on FB) ...i know any child would be incredibly lucky to be yours.

And.....it's not too late. If you think it is too late for a biological child, you guys could always adopt an older child. I know you'd be amazing. I know it.

 

[scotpens]

Physically I don't resemble either of my parents that much, but my voice sounds a lot like my dad's. And I take after him in personality, tastes, and speech inflections and mannerisms. I definitely inherited his sarcastic sense of humor.

I'm the exact opposite of my mother in a lot of things. When it comes to housekeeping and personal organization, she's Miss Hospital Corners. I'm Oscar Madison.

. . . The only bits of my mother I have are her ears, eyebrows, and knees (they're all rather unusual). I would much rather have inherited her fantastic legs, but no such luck.

When she was younger, my mother had great legs too. But I'm not sad I didn't inherit them.

 

[Kestra]

But clinical depression often stems from a variety of things--things you could be on the alert for as a parent, and are probably much more aware of than your own parents had been. As a parent, you'd probably be much more successful in removing certain stressors or at least better able to teach your child how to cope more successfully.

I do think I'd be more aware of it and sensitive to such signs, especially as I'm hoping to become a psychologist myself. It's just difficult to know, I suppose. Thanks for pointing these things out though.

I have to agree with AuntieHill, and apologize if my stopping a bit short in my rambling post left it seeming I was saying that no one with such a history should have children. I did not intend that. I stopped there mostly because I felt like I'd gone on too long and gotten a bit too maudlin.

I certainly didn't take it that you were holding your decision up as the only way to do things. It's a valid concern and I'm glad you thought things through. I also appreciate hearing your thoughts on this topic because it's not something I talk about with people and it's nice to have your perspective on the subject.