I don't think I have had a real friend since college, and that was 15 years ago. Sometimes having social anxiety can be lonely.
Where are my friends?!
- Thread starter RoJoHen
- Start date
I'm 25 now and anxiously awaiting the day my friends will stop wanting to go out every weekend. They invite me out to things like bars and beer tastings and loud places with lots of people and I usually say no, not because I don't want to spend time with them but because staying home doing nothing sounds about a million times more appealing than going out to places like that. I like going to the county fair, or the zoo, or staying in and quietly watching a movie. Besides my awesome boyfriend I don't have many friends that would be at all interested in doing these things. So I'll trade you RojoHen! You can go drinking at the local saloon with my friends and I will sit around doing nothing with yours.
Oh, and about the Monday through Friday job with weekends off, my friends don't seem to understand why I don't want to hang out on Friday nights with them even though I don't have to work the next day. But by Friday I feel exhausted from the week and I just want to go home and lay on the couch, not go out anywhere.
Wow...and here I thought thought that the reason why my friends don't really want to do anything is because they are all married with kids.
As it turns out, even if they weren't, it might not matter.
Not that I am a big bar scene person or anything. But I would like to go out to happy hour or something more often than I do.
Several of my friends and I have what we call 'The Drink of the Month Club' - we meet at the same bar every first Friday of the month, starting at about 3 pm and going on until about 8 or so. It's a lot of fun, and something to look forward to...but I would sure like to get out more than that.
As it turns out, even if they weren't, it might not matter.
Not that I am a big bar scene person or anything. But I would like to go out to happy hour or something more often than I do.
Several of my friends and I have what we call 'The Drink of the Month Club' - we meet at the same bar every first Friday of the month, starting at about 3 pm and going on until about 8 or so. It's a lot of fun, and something to look forward to...but I would sure like to get out more than that.
Everyone is always so mismatched. It's like that in the relationship threads too, just take all the people who have never had sex and stick them in a hotel together for the weekend, with libations. Except it probably wouldn't work.
It takes me MONTHS to get any one of my friends to leave the house in the evening and go somewhere. And this isn't because of babysitting issues or illness issues or because they start work at 5am or any actual reason. It's because going out in the evening is now a Big Adventure for them and if they do it ONCE they are good for the year. Last time I got a friend to go out with me on a mock pub crawl (it was mock because there are no pubs near us so we went to a series of very odd places that sold alcohol) she was all a titter over this. Like it was so DARING and EXCITING. And this friend basically spent a decade boozing and drugging her way across europe but now that she is respectably in her 30's it's suddenly a huge deal to leave the house without her spouse at night.
No one ever wants to do anything. They also worry about going somewhere where the crowd is younger than them, something that would never enter my head. Who cares? But it makes them feel "old" or looked down on or something.. another huge wtf.
EVERYONE IS BORING BUT ME!!! ROJOHEN COME OUT WITH ME WE WILL GO ON THE PUB CRAWL TO END ALL PUB CRAWLS!!
It takes me MONTHS to get any one of my friends to leave the house in the evening and go somewhere. And this isn't because of babysitting issues or illness issues or because they start work at 5am or any actual reason. It's because going out in the evening is now a Big Adventure for them and if they do it ONCE they are good for the year. Last time I got a friend to go out with me on a mock pub crawl (it was mock because there are no pubs near us so we went to a series of very odd places that sold alcohol) she was all a titter over this. Like it was so DARING and EXCITING. And this friend basically spent a decade boozing and drugging her way across europe but now that she is respectably in her 30's it's suddenly a huge deal to leave the house without her spouse at night.
No one ever wants to do anything. They also worry about going somewhere where the crowd is younger than them, something that would never enter my head. Who cares? But it makes them feel "old" or looked down on or something.. another huge wtf.
EVERYONE IS BORING BUT ME!!! ROJOHEN COME OUT WITH ME WE WILL GO ON THE PUB CRAWL TO END ALL PUB CRAWLS!!
Bring it on!
This is a good idea. I will go in and hit on the young college girls and RoJo can come in and chase me off, making himself look good in the process. There will be a small fee.Then the two of you need to go together. RJ will be the creepy old guy, and his presence as such will assuage your feelings of being the oldest guy in the room.
Unless the young college girls are responsive to the charming older man; then all bets are off.
This is me. Except you have to multiply the 25 times 2.
A
Amaris
Guest
This is a good idea. I will go in and hit on the young college girls and RoJo can come in and chase me off, making himself look good in the process. There will be a small fee.Then the two of you need to go together. RJ will be the creepy old guy, and his presence as such will assuage your feelings of being the oldest guy in the room.
Unless the young college girls are responsive to the charming older man; then all bets are off.
See? It's brilliant feedback like this that makes me wonder if I should have pursued that path to becoming a Doctor. I'm thinking; yes.
Yes. Doctor of Looove.
A
Amaris
Guest
[yt]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M9Y1mFTNU2c[/yt]
I'm like this at 42 but was also like this at 25. I'm prone to sensory overload so loud, crowded pubs and clubs have never appealed to me. Also, I have the alcohol tolerance of a gnat, but at least that makes my few pub evenings cheap! I rarely go out in the evenings anyway because my husband works evenings, so we go out in the daytime to movies or pub lunches (he's worse with crowds than I am). When I was younger I was usually home during the weekends because I didn't do parties, but would see my friends during the week and catch up over a cup of coffee.
I'm 25 now and anxiously awaiting the day my friends will stop wanting to go out every weekend. They invite me out to things like bars and beer tastings and loud places with lots of people and I usually say no, not because I don't want to spend time with them but because staying home doing nothing sounds about a million times more appealing than going out to places like that. I like going to the county fair, or the zoo, or staying in and quietly watching a movie. Besides my awesome boyfriend I don't have many friends that would be at all interested in doing these things. So I'll trade you RojoHen! You can go drinking at the local saloon with my friends and I will sit around doing nothing with yours.
Oh, and about the Monday through Friday job with weekends off, my friends don't seem to understand why I don't want to hang out on Friday nights with them even though I don't have to work the next day. But by Friday I feel exhausted from the week and I just want to go home and lay on the couch, not go out anywhere.
I can relate to that. As I said before I'm still very much into weird circumstances and strange happenings, but I seem to be getting a little more picky as to what I consider those kinds of situations to be. It's usually not enough to just go out to some bar, spend a bunch of money and be around people I largely don't want to be around. If I want to drink (and lord knows I'm a fan) I'd rather just stay home. It's cheaper, and I get to pick the music/movies. There's also a much better chance that I won't get arrested.
Going out with people can be fine. I just tend to expect a little more out of my concept of a great time on the town.
Because they aren't your friends.
I was friends with a lot of college students, and I understand college gets in the way, but one I haven't seen since last June, there was no summer school, I live in a place he can to drive near to get home, but we still don't hang out. Why? Because he was only a friend when he needed something from me, now that he doesn't we are no longer friends. I was just a fill in for another friend to move back in with him.
I only see another when there is a school break, not because he's busy, because he really isn't, he sits at homes and has "parties" with his "friends", but because no one else is around so I'm better than nothing.
These people aren't your friends, ditch them and try tofind real friends. Yes it's very hard to do, but you need to try it.
And I should add that during the time since last June I have seen a good friend who is a TA in grad school for some type of atom physics In June, would have at Thanksgiving but I was sick, and Christmas. He lives 450 miles away and I have seen him more than someone who lives and works in towns I go to at least once a week.
So these people are just assholes.
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I graduated from college in 2006, and since then, I can't remember the last time I had someone just come over to my place to "hang out" without at least the pretext of doing something else. That's not to say that my wife and I don't see our friends, but if I'm meeting up with my close friend down in Dubuque, it's because we're going to do some Toys for Tots work or grab lunch and a movie. When I get together with work friends, it's because we're volunteering or celebrating an anniversary or watching a sports event or what have you. Hell, when we go to visit my wife's family on the other side of town, we're still going over there with a plan of helping to clean the house, or cleaning the gutters, or moving stuff, or cooking dinner, or something.
Is he real friends with his friends or do you think they aren't friends either?
Isn't that why we have drunkl threads in the lounges?
No...you're just the overworked PhD student who nobody recognizes because you've been working on your thesis for the last 3 months.
No...you're just the overworked PhD student who nobody recognizes because you've been working on your thesis for the last 3 months.
"What's your thesis about?" - "The G spot."
Works every time.
Isn't that why we have drunkl threads in the lounges?
One day I was telling one of my don't-go-out friends that I had a fantastic Saturday night but I had to stop at the actual fantastic part because I knew it would sound utterly lame. It was a perfect pizza, beer and world of warcraft night with good people online, good music, good whatever-the-hell I was doing.. yeah I do enjoy myself with some drinks staying in, on the computer hanging out with people. It's just I would like the OPTION of going outside at night time to possibly new and interesting places, once a month would be amazing lol.
