In another recent topic, the discussion of "fixing" episodes came up, and it reminded me of this an alternate ending I wrote to this particular first season episode. No, it wasn't an abomination like "Code of Honor", just shaky, typical of a show that was finding its feet. This particular effort would never have made any serious top 10 list, but I do think it could have been dramatically improved, with one relatively small change. It would simply be a matter of getting rid of the smarmy "win-win" resolution, and substituting in a darker one, which I have taken the liberty of writing. There are several reasons why I feel this ending works better:
1. It clears up an almost painful inconsistency in the canonical episode: Picard supposedly had the ability to restore the Aldeans' fertility, allowing them to produce hundreds, maybe thousands of their own kids, giving him an enormous bargaining chip. Why didn't he even try to use it to trade for the Enterprise kids' freedom? Even if the Aldeans didn't understand that seven kids are genetically insufficient to rebuild a civilization, they should have understood that hundreds is better than seven. Yes, it's possible that Radue might have been hesitant to believe Beverly's test results, but the point is that Picard didn't even bring the subject up. Instead, he risked Data and Riker's lives by beaming them through the shield. Risking your people is OK, that's what a captain must do sometimes, but you don't do it when there's a chance to resolve the issue diplomatically.
2. It clears up another inconsistency, this one longer-term. At the end of the episode as written, the Enterprise has both saved the Aldean people from extinction, and made it necessary for them to join the greater galactic community (they can't hide behind their cloak or their planetary shield anymore), Given that they are peaceful and culturally advanced, this would naturally establish them as Federation allies, and possibly future members. It would also, in all likelihood, give the Federation access to their technology. The ability to cloak and shield a planet (the ozone layer issue could probably be addressed), as well as kick an enemy starship trillions of miles, would have come in very handy in the conflict with the Dominion.
3. It keeps Radue's character more consistent. In the episode as written, he transforms in moments from his arrogant self to a sycophant, eager to lick Picard's boots. It's rather sickening, really.
4. It gives the episode far more gravitas, and make it a much more powerful cautionary tale about protecting the environment, because it came with consequences. Would "The Outcast" have made its point half as effectively without its nightmare, 1984-ish, "Winston LOVED Big Brother" ending? Leaving Aldea to pass into oblivion would amp up the cautionary message to 11.
5. Because of the more somber ending, the initial end scene does not fit the mood and has been deleted (with some reluctance). While Picard still has to contend with the awkward "Alexandra wants pickie-uppies" moment, he is spared the indignity of having her toy Tribble stuck to his back.
6. And finally, the changes would have been very easy to implement, with only a few scenes needing to be reshot. Given the magnitude of improvement (IMO, YMMV), a worthy exchange.
Relevant Dramatis Personae:
Enterprise Crew: No introductions necessary, we hope.
Harry, a boy of about nine, taken from the Enterprise.
Bernard, his father.
Accolan, an Aldean who hosted Harry and taught him to sculpt.
Radue, the Aldean head of state, who kidnaped several Enterprise children.
[From the beginning up until the following, the episode requires no alterations whatsoever.]
Part A - The Bridge
CRUSHER: "I've got it, captain. The Aldeans are suffering from a form of radiation poisoning."
PICARD: "Is that what made them sterile?"
CRUSHER: "Yes."
PICARD: "Is it reversible?"
CRUSHER: "With the proper treatment, most of the symptoms of the illness can be reversed. Unfortunately, at this stage, their sterility is permanent."
PICARD: "Then we have no alternative method of meeting their need."
CRUSHER: "I'm sorry, captain."
PICARD: "Mr. Data, any progress on defeating their shield?"
DATA: "Captain, these permutations are going to take a very long time."
[The episode returns to the "as written" script at this point, until the big reveal that Data and Riker have disabled the Aldeans' systems]
Part B - Aldea, where the negotiations were being held
PICARD: "Enterprise, this is Picard. beam the children up."
HARRY: "Wait."
PICARD: "Enterprise, hold."
Harry goes over to Accolan and his wife.
HARRY: "Thank you."
Accolan presses a button on his device and the dolphin statue appears in his hand. He offers it to Harry.
ACCOLAN: "To remember us by."
Harry accepts the dolphin and rejoins the rest of the kids.
PICARD: "All right, Harry?"
HARRY: "Yes, captain."
WESLEY: "OK, kids. Let's go home."
PICARD: "Beam them up."
The transporter goes active and the kids vanish. Pan in on Radue's devastated face, the face of a man who tried to save his people and failed.
RADUE: "You have destroyed, us, captain."
PICARD (sternly, but with sympathy): "No, Radue. You destroyed yourselves, long ago."
RADUE (venomously): "You have what you want. Get out."
A beat, as Picard realizes that there will be no accord, no hope for any form of salvaging relations with these people. It ends when he taps his combadge.
PICARD: "Enterprise, beam the away team up."
The away team is beamed away. The camera lingers for a few moments on the Aldeans, who stand alone and staring, a people who have been sentenced to oblivion.
Show Enterprise in orbit as Picard begins his monologue.
PICARD (v.o.): "Captain's log, supplemental. The Aldeans have restored their planetary shield, and the vulnerability that allowed our people to slip through has been corrected. Our offers of medical treatment for the Aldean people, and even to reseed the planetary ozone layer, have been met with only silence. It is very clear that whatever knowledge of the galaxy they were willing to share with us will now die with them."
Show several scenes on Enterprise, of the missing children being reunited with their families. Exclude Harry; he will be seen later.
PICARD (v.o. continues): "While the children were hungry and homesick, they show no ill effects of their captivity. Counselor Troi has spoken with them, and all indications are that the Aldeans treated them well."
Cut to the bridge. Riker is the officer on deck, and Wesley has returned to his spot at the helm.
PICARD (v.o. continues): "While I regret not being able to come to an accord with these people, I know that we could not have given them what they asked for."
Picard enters the bridge, along with Crusher and Troi.
PICARD: "Still no response from the Aldeans?"
RIKER: "Nothing, sir."
PICARD: "Very well. Prepare to leave orbit."
PIKER: "Aye, sir. Ensign, set course 073 by 118, full impulse."
WESLEY: "Course set, sir."
PICARD: "Mr. Crusher... it's good to have you back."
WESLEY: "Thank you, sir."
Cut to Harry and his dad's quarters, where the episode will end. Harry is putting the dolphin on a shelf, where they will be able to admire it.
HARRY (eyeing the sculpture): "Dad, I want to be an artist, but I don't want to take calculus anymore."
BERNARD: "You can be anything you want, Harry. But you still have to take calculus."
Harry smiles. It's not everything he wanted, but it's better than nothing.
HARRY: "OK. Thanks, Dad."
BERNARD: "The ship's getting ready to leave."
In silence, the two of them go to their window, which conveniently faces the rear of the ship. In silence, they watch together as the planet recedes from view, slowly at first and then faster. And then, it shimmers... and then vanishes into legend forever. Slowly pan away from the window and father and son still watching silently out the back, and pan slowly in on the dolphin statue, until it fills the picture. Then, the initial name credits appear and it's over.
1. It clears up an almost painful inconsistency in the canonical episode: Picard supposedly had the ability to restore the Aldeans' fertility, allowing them to produce hundreds, maybe thousands of their own kids, giving him an enormous bargaining chip. Why didn't he even try to use it to trade for the Enterprise kids' freedom? Even if the Aldeans didn't understand that seven kids are genetically insufficient to rebuild a civilization, they should have understood that hundreds is better than seven. Yes, it's possible that Radue might have been hesitant to believe Beverly's test results, but the point is that Picard didn't even bring the subject up. Instead, he risked Data and Riker's lives by beaming them through the shield. Risking your people is OK, that's what a captain must do sometimes, but you don't do it when there's a chance to resolve the issue diplomatically.
2. It clears up another inconsistency, this one longer-term. At the end of the episode as written, the Enterprise has both saved the Aldean people from extinction, and made it necessary for them to join the greater galactic community (they can't hide behind their cloak or their planetary shield anymore), Given that they are peaceful and culturally advanced, this would naturally establish them as Federation allies, and possibly future members. It would also, in all likelihood, give the Federation access to their technology. The ability to cloak and shield a planet (the ozone layer issue could probably be addressed), as well as kick an enemy starship trillions of miles, would have come in very handy in the conflict with the Dominion.
3. It keeps Radue's character more consistent. In the episode as written, he transforms in moments from his arrogant self to a sycophant, eager to lick Picard's boots. It's rather sickening, really.
4. It gives the episode far more gravitas, and make it a much more powerful cautionary tale about protecting the environment, because it came with consequences. Would "The Outcast" have made its point half as effectively without its nightmare, 1984-ish, "Winston LOVED Big Brother" ending? Leaving Aldea to pass into oblivion would amp up the cautionary message to 11.
5. Because of the more somber ending, the initial end scene does not fit the mood and has been deleted (with some reluctance). While Picard still has to contend with the awkward "Alexandra wants pickie-uppies" moment, he is spared the indignity of having her toy Tribble stuck to his back.
6. And finally, the changes would have been very easy to implement, with only a few scenes needing to be reshot. Given the magnitude of improvement (IMO, YMMV), a worthy exchange.
Relevant Dramatis Personae:
Enterprise Crew: No introductions necessary, we hope.
Harry, a boy of about nine, taken from the Enterprise.
Bernard, his father.
Accolan, an Aldean who hosted Harry and taught him to sculpt.
Radue, the Aldean head of state, who kidnaped several Enterprise children.
[From the beginning up until the following, the episode requires no alterations whatsoever.]
Part A - The Bridge
CRUSHER: "I've got it, captain. The Aldeans are suffering from a form of radiation poisoning."
PICARD: "Is that what made them sterile?"
CRUSHER: "Yes."
PICARD: "Is it reversible?"
CRUSHER: "With the proper treatment, most of the symptoms of the illness can be reversed. Unfortunately, at this stage, their sterility is permanent."
PICARD: "Then we have no alternative method of meeting their need."
CRUSHER: "I'm sorry, captain."
PICARD: "Mr. Data, any progress on defeating their shield?"
DATA: "Captain, these permutations are going to take a very long time."
[The episode returns to the "as written" script at this point, until the big reveal that Data and Riker have disabled the Aldeans' systems]
Part B - Aldea, where the negotiations were being held
PICARD: "Enterprise, this is Picard. beam the children up."
HARRY: "Wait."
PICARD: "Enterprise, hold."
Harry goes over to Accolan and his wife.
HARRY: "Thank you."
Accolan presses a button on his device and the dolphin statue appears in his hand. He offers it to Harry.
ACCOLAN: "To remember us by."
Harry accepts the dolphin and rejoins the rest of the kids.
PICARD: "All right, Harry?"
HARRY: "Yes, captain."
WESLEY: "OK, kids. Let's go home."
PICARD: "Beam them up."
The transporter goes active and the kids vanish. Pan in on Radue's devastated face, the face of a man who tried to save his people and failed.
RADUE: "You have destroyed, us, captain."
PICARD (sternly, but with sympathy): "No, Radue. You destroyed yourselves, long ago."
RADUE (venomously): "You have what you want. Get out."
A beat, as Picard realizes that there will be no accord, no hope for any form of salvaging relations with these people. It ends when he taps his combadge.
PICARD: "Enterprise, beam the away team up."
The away team is beamed away. The camera lingers for a few moments on the Aldeans, who stand alone and staring, a people who have been sentenced to oblivion.
Show Enterprise in orbit as Picard begins his monologue.
PICARD (v.o.): "Captain's log, supplemental. The Aldeans have restored their planetary shield, and the vulnerability that allowed our people to slip through has been corrected. Our offers of medical treatment for the Aldean people, and even to reseed the planetary ozone layer, have been met with only silence. It is very clear that whatever knowledge of the galaxy they were willing to share with us will now die with them."
Show several scenes on Enterprise, of the missing children being reunited with their families. Exclude Harry; he will be seen later.
PICARD (v.o. continues): "While the children were hungry and homesick, they show no ill effects of their captivity. Counselor Troi has spoken with them, and all indications are that the Aldeans treated them well."
Cut to the bridge. Riker is the officer on deck, and Wesley has returned to his spot at the helm.
PICARD (v.o. continues): "While I regret not being able to come to an accord with these people, I know that we could not have given them what they asked for."
Picard enters the bridge, along with Crusher and Troi.
PICARD: "Still no response from the Aldeans?"
RIKER: "Nothing, sir."
PICARD: "Very well. Prepare to leave orbit."
PIKER: "Aye, sir. Ensign, set course 073 by 118, full impulse."
WESLEY: "Course set, sir."
PICARD: "Mr. Crusher... it's good to have you back."
WESLEY: "Thank you, sir."
Cut to Harry and his dad's quarters, where the episode will end. Harry is putting the dolphin on a shelf, where they will be able to admire it.
HARRY (eyeing the sculpture): "Dad, I want to be an artist, but I don't want to take calculus anymore."
BERNARD: "You can be anything you want, Harry. But you still have to take calculus."
Harry smiles. It's not everything he wanted, but it's better than nothing.
HARRY: "OK. Thanks, Dad."
BERNARD: "The ship's getting ready to leave."
In silence, the two of them go to their window, which conveniently faces the rear of the ship. In silence, they watch together as the planet recedes from view, slowly at first and then faster. And then, it shimmers... and then vanishes into legend forever. Slowly pan away from the window and father and son still watching silently out the back, and pan slowly in on the dolphin statue, until it fills the picture. Then, the initial name credits appear and it's over.
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