What would you do?

[Jim Gamma]

I was in a nightclub with some co-workers this evening, when a guy tried to pull one of them over to his table as we walked by and asked if she wanted a drink. She said no, he made to argue, so I kinda got in his way a little. Nothing obvious, just pushing slightly "to get through the narrow gap".

Then when we came back, he cornered me and said he was OK really, etc, etc, and asked what I did for a job. When I told him I was a civil servant, he also claimed to have been so - but at a much higher grade than me. Now, the guy was boozing and probably not at his best, but something told me he was NOT a civil servant.

He then asked me permission to "have her", i.e. to chat her up with a view to acts not appropriate for discussion here. I resolved to sit until he'd vanished (even though I'd planned on leaving soon), noting that I can't stop him talking to her, and anything more than that is up to her. Really, permission was not mine to give.

He then tried to claim that I'd said he could "take her home", to which I replied "Don't involve me in that! All I said was that I can't really stop you talking to her."

He continued trying to chat her up for a while, and gradually, some of the people we were with departed, leaving me plus three ladies and this weird guy - who still had given me no reason to believe he was an ex Civil Servant, much less one who now works freelance and still gets calls from ministers at 3AM (his own words). One of his friends came over and started chatting up another of the ladies, and eventually two of my colleagues went off "to powder their nose". I think they'd figured there was something odd. Eventually the third lady went off to find them, leaving me with everyone's coats; the original guy then tried to convince me to depart, and leave their coats there. Being worried that he'd then rifle through their pockets, I stayed until all 3 returned. One of them said to me quietly that they were heading off, so I followed them out (thus the two men didn't know if I'd gone with them or not and were less likely to follow).

My question is... was what I did the right thing? I mean, these three colleagues of mine can probably look after themselves and my concern was probably unfounded... the guys were probably really nice etc etc...

So what would you have done? Would you have stuck around or would you have gone home?

 

[JimCasy]

I've intervened for friends before...but it really comes down to how well you know someone. My close friends, I can tell by the way they're responding to the guy or making eye contact with me. With someone I didn't know as well I probably would've just said, "You guys want me to stay or are you okay with these guys hitting on you?" Let them decide.

 

[An Officer]

Sounds like you were trying to be a gentleman.

Myself, if they were mature intelligent women, I would assume it's a pretty non-threatening event and allow the women to manage the situation themselves... I would only offer my support if they were in danger of physical harm, or if they indicated somehow that they would like help.

I would assume a nightclub is a pretty safe place, as it's public and probably has it's own security if trouble kicks off. I would only be concerned if they were followed out of the club.

 

[Lookingglassman]

I would have stuck around because you never know what drunk losers are capable of. He could have slipped something in one of the chick's drinks, or followed her out and raped her. When I am out with chicks, even though we are friends, I still do my best to guard them and keep my eye on them until I can safely return them home.

 

[An Officer]

Great to see chivalry is not dead.

 

[Amaris]

I was in a nightclub with some co-workers this evening, when a guy tried to pull one of them over to his table as we walked by and asked if she wanted a drink. She said no, he made to argue, so I kinda got in his way a little. Nothing obvious, just pushing slightly "to get through the narrow gap".

Then when we came back, he cornered me and said he was OK really, etc, etc, and asked what I did for a job. When I told him I was a civil servant, he also claimed to have been so - but at a much higher grade than me. Now, the guy was boozing and probably not at his best, but something told me he was NOT a civil servant.

He then asked me permission to "have her", i.e. to chat her up with a view to acts not appropriate for discussion here. I resolved to sit until he'd vanished (even though I'd planned on leaving soon), noting that I can't stop him talking to her, and anything more than that is up to her. Really, permission was not mine to give.

He then tried to claim that I'd said he could "take her home", to which I replied "Don't involve me in that! All I said was that I can't really stop you talking to her."

He continued trying to chat her up for a while, and gradually, some of the people we were with departed, leaving me plus three ladies and this weird guy - who still had given me no reason to believe he was an ex Civil Servant, much less one who now works freelance and still gets calls from ministers at 3AM (his own words). One of his friends came over and started chatting up another of the ladies, and eventually two of my colleagues went off "to powder their nose". I think they'd figured there was something odd. Eventually the third lady went off to find them, leaving me with everyone's coats; the original guy then tried to convince me to depart, and leave their coats there. Being worried that he'd then rifle through their pockets, I stayed until all 3 returned. One of them said to me quietly that they were heading off, so I followed them out (thus the two men didn't know if I'd gone with them or not and were less likely to follow).

My question is... was what I did the right thing? I mean, these three colleagues of mine can probably look after themselves and my concern was probably unfounded... the guys were probably really nice etc etc...

So what would you have done? Would you have stuck around or would you have gone home?

I think you did the right thing. It doesn't hurt to have an angel watching over your shoulder from time to time, and in this case it seems like you made the wisest decision.

J.

 

[trampledamage]

I agree with J. - especially since your friends actions make me think that they were relieved you had stayed. If they had wanted you to leave, they would have said.

It's very difficult to dissuade drunks from bothering you even if you are a mature capable woman, without either creating a huge fuss or ruining your own evening. By staying with them you kept it low-key.

 

[Cayla]

I agree with J.Allen and trampledamage. Sometimes those situations can make an evening out uncomfortable. It's nice to have a presence there to keep things from getting out of control. Even though they were probably capable of handling the situation themselves, I'm sure your co-workers appreciated having you there.

 

[RJDiogenes]

this weird guy - who still had given me no reason to believe he was an ex Civil Servant, much less one who now works freelance and still gets calls from ministers at 3AM (his own words).

James Bond has not aged well.

My question is... was what I did the right thing? I mean, these three colleagues of mine can probably look after themselves and my concern was probably unfounded... the guys were probably really nice etc etc...

So what would you have done? Would you have stuck around or would you have gone home?

I don't think they were likely nice guys; it's good that you stuck around. Of course, it's up to the women whether or not they want an escort, but it doesn't sound like they were too interested in these overbearing twits. I can't imagine why.

 

[Danoz]

Eh I would have stuck around, especially if they were good friends/colleagues and I got the vibe they were a bit weirded out by the situation.