I agree to a certain point about Kirk. Was he ready to be a leader? No. Did he show traits of being a leader? Yes, the biggest one being he inspired loyalty and had compassion for his crew. He was not willing to be silent, and to speak up even in the face of overwhelming odds. Did he have a lot to learn? Yup, and he had to do so quickly and very painfully.
I agree that very minor tweaks to the film, including a better ending scene, would have done wonders. But, then, I would also prefer no writers strike while the film was being made.
As far as "stoopid Romulans" I have no idea what you are saying? Kirk, with the support of Chekov, Sulu and Scotty, worked up a plan, developed it, and they all executed it. He inspired others to collaborate and become better for it. If that isn't leadership then I would recommend you rewrite all those leadership training modules I just spent the last 6 months doing.
As for Nero, I still don't see the glee or satisfaction. You have a Kirk who acknowledges the last wish and ensures the threat is ended. People say "Nero was helpless!" And Kirk has no way of knowing that for certain. The ship has demonstrated the ability to go through the black hole and time travel, potentially causing more damage. Kirk has a responsibility to stop the threat by any means necessary. That's not rough justice or anti-leftist or whatever. That's him doing his duty to the best of his ability with the information he had at the time.
I'm not saying Kirk didn't display leadership traits - clearly that was the point. Although it's more of a point that most lieutenants display NO leadership qualities, despite being officers (in the official comics Keenser was to be a lieutenant if you can believe that - Scotty treats him like a minion, so I had assumed he was just a crewman or petty officer), that's a whole other point. I'm just saying he wasn't ready to carry the responsibility of being a starship captain. A commendation - perhaps. A promotion - possibly not due to his insubordination and shockingly bad planning. Captaincy - definitely not.
The issue I have is that Kirk's plan isn't smart or even sensible. The story suffers many of the same issues as the Enterprise Incident in that it relies on the Romulans being very inept and failing basic tasks like using sensors or monitoring incursions. You can argue, well that's Romulans, but Kirk has no clue about Romulans and no reason to expect people from the future who escaped a maximum security Klingon prison to be so inept. His plan almost fails because he chooses not to take a security team, reminiscent of Troi's attempt to pass her command test by doing everything herself. It's only Pike waking up at an opportune moment that saves the day.
I agree that maybe if there had not been a writer's strike they might have put something in the script to cover issues such as why Spock takes no steps to warn Earth or get a message to the fleet by contacting an outpost closer to that sector but decides to limp to the fleet, leaving Earth unaware and vulnerable. Or why Spock wastes an escape pod instead of beaming Kirk under guard to Delta Vega so that they could warn Earth (his decision to plant an escape pod far from the outpost to prevent Kirk escaping isn't logical because as soon as the outpost detects the pod's distress call, Kirk will be beamed to safety or collected by shuttle). Or why Nero travelled to Earth at less than warp 4, despite knowing that he would have a limited window to use any codes that Pike knew because, well, why wouldn't survivors, or other ships arriving in response to distress calls, look to update Starfleet headquarters of the carnage at Vulcan (a stolen Klingon mind sifter or a Reman inquisitor would have been better fan service than a brain bug IMO, but I digress)? Or why the Enterprise detected Nero's approach vector (I guess he had no cloaking device) but Nero didn't detect the Enterprise even though she would have had to pass the Narada at a higher warp to get to the Solar System before them.
I suppose I was just frustrated at the near miss for what could have been a great Star Trek movie without bad science, eighties sexism, and silly movie tropes. It's not that TOS didn't have all those things, it's more that they were so close, and could have done it all that bit better, while maintaining the fun rollercoaster ride.