Now, I don’t know how the new Trek remake (don’t start on that ‘is it a remake’ shit, thanks) is going to turn out. It might be the best film ever, or it could be the final nail in Trek’s coffin. But what makes me optimistic about it is that it’s being done by a totally new team, and will bring a fresh perspective to Star Trek (a la Batman Begins).
But what if it wasn’t?
What if the ‘old guard’ (Next Gen/DS9/Voy/Ent) were behind a remake? Am I alone in cringing at the thought? Don’t get me wrong – I enjoyed Enterprise (and I thought Nemesis was one of the best Trek films) but could you imagine it?
Kirk as an early-Trip-like hillbilly. Spock as an Enterprise-style Vulcan (or worse, that Vulcan from Voyager that fancied the Klingon woman). The re-imagined Enterprise cobbled together from old Voy/DS9/Ent sets. Romulans with those horrific TNG shoulder pads and haircuts. Trek uniform one-piece PJ’s with those stupid shoulder stripes. A completely American cast living The American Way™ (Voy and Ent really missed the point of Trek, here). Endless namedropping and references to other Treks (cadet Kirk in Red Squad, endless drivel about his hero Captain Archer, eating at Sisko’s great-great-grandfathers, drinking Picard wine, getting career advice from Young Boothby etc.)
Problems solved with nonsense technobabble (“Invert the poloron flux matrix to oh-point-four-percent!” “Genius idea Captain! Their shields are failing! They’re retreating!” – roll credits. More than one Voyager ended like this). *Shudder*
Yes, that’s the worst-case scenario version, but my point is that Star Trek really needs fresh blood. It’s going to get it. Hopefully it won’t have AIDS and die a final death.
But what if it wasn’t?
What if the ‘old guard’ (Next Gen/DS9/Voy/Ent) were behind a remake? Am I alone in cringing at the thought? Don’t get me wrong – I enjoyed Enterprise (and I thought Nemesis was one of the best Trek films) but could you imagine it?
Kirk as an early-Trip-like hillbilly. Spock as an Enterprise-style Vulcan (or worse, that Vulcan from Voyager that fancied the Klingon woman). The re-imagined Enterprise cobbled together from old Voy/DS9/Ent sets. Romulans with those horrific TNG shoulder pads and haircuts. Trek uniform one-piece PJ’s with those stupid shoulder stripes. A completely American cast living The American Way™ (Voy and Ent really missed the point of Trek, here). Endless namedropping and references to other Treks (cadet Kirk in Red Squad, endless drivel about his hero Captain Archer, eating at Sisko’s great-great-grandfathers, drinking Picard wine, getting career advice from Young Boothby etc.)
Problems solved with nonsense technobabble (“Invert the poloron flux matrix to oh-point-four-percent!” “Genius idea Captain! Their shields are failing! They’re retreating!” – roll credits. More than one Voyager ended like this). *Shudder*
Yes, that’s the worst-case scenario version, but my point is that Star Trek really needs fresh blood. It’s going to get it. Hopefully it won’t have AIDS and die a final death.