Weird Starfleet Divisions

[Dispaminite]

Thinking about it a little bit, there has to be some, what we could consider, pretty weird departments in Starfleet.

One example, Replicator need someone out there scanning and testing all stuff that every day citizens just takes for granted. I can even imagine a embattled group of ensigns led by a Jr Lt who's trying to sneak Dominion Delicacies over the front lines of the war just so the people back home can have access.

Not to mention those poor souls who's entire job is to replicate and scan an item a million times just to make sure it's not going to hurt the standard Fed citizens.

Probably another department who's entire job it is to test any Holodeck program available for possible harm.

"Running Program TJSA-Delta-3, Run through 309,410."

 

[FormerLurker]

I imagine that's what Worf is doing every time he runs his calisthenics program, is making sure it's safe for general use. Yep, that's my opinion, and I'm sticking with it!

 

[drt]

One example, Replicator need someone out there scanning and testing all stuff that every day citizens just takes for granted. I can even imagine a embattled group of ensigns led by a Jr Lt who's trying to sneak Dominion Delicacies over the front lines of the war just so the people back home can have access.

Or they can be lazy and make everything taste like chicken.

 

[locutus101]

....

Probably another department who's entire job it is to test any Holodeck program available for possible harm.
....

Well, given the numerous incidents, they're not doing a very good job.

 

[The Old Mixer]

Starfleet might not be responsible for any of that...more likely, it would be the responsibility of whoever is manufacturing the replicator systems and holodecks. They'd be tested in the factory. There might be some Starfleet oversight for systems that are being put in Starfleet facilities, of course.

 

[Kor]

Yeah, my thought was that Starfleet procured such technology from some other manufacturers, not that they were directly involved in R&D of replicators and such.

Kor

 

[TheGoodStuff]

This reminds me of the 'Chief O'Brien at Work' comic.

 

[B.J.]

First thing that this topic reminded me of was NASA's Chief Sniffer! I'd imagine that there's all sorts of specialized personnel that you couldn't even imagine.

 

[F. King Daniel]

I want to know what it's like being the poor guy who explains all this stuff to the general public.

"Today, a gigantic black Starship-shaped weather balloon levelled half of San Francisco. Rumours that it was a secret prototype warship designed by a 300 year old war criminal and was captained by the head of Starfleet are entirely false. In other news, the head of Starfleet died suddenly today of natural causes."

"Please continue as normal and ignore that massive cube-shaped object closing on Earth and leaving a trail of broken starships behind it..."

"Anyone experiencing strange dreams of being a Borg drone can be assured that these are NOT lingering memories of an alternate timeline."

"What do you mean there was no Enterprise before Kirk's? It's in all these new history textbooks we're printing. Please recycle all your old incorrect history texts."

"Try not to notice the gigantic machine entity which has just surrounded Earth with glowing balls of death and keeps broadcasting a radio signal about it's creator. Our finest crew are on the case and we expect this situation to be resolved shortly."

 

[retroenzo]

I want to know what it's like being the poor guy who explains all this stuff to the general public.

"Today, a gigantic black Starship-shaped weather balloon levelled half of San Francisco. Rumours that it was a secret prototype warship designed by a 300 year old war criminal and was captained by the head of Starfleet are entirely false. In other news, the head of Starfleet died suddenly today of natural causes."

"Please continue as normal and ignore that massive cube-shaped object closing on Earth and leaving a trail of broken starships behind it..."

"Anyone experiencing strange dreams of being a Borg drone can be assured that these are NOT lingering memories of an alternate timeline."

"What do you mean there was no Enterprise before Kirk's? It's in all these new history textbooks we're printing. Please recycle all your old incorrect history texts."

"Try not to notice the gigantic machine entity which has just surrounded Earth with glowing balls of death and keeps broadcasting a radio signal about it's creator. Our finest crew are on the case and we expect this situation to be resolved shortly."

Ah now I think you've accidentally tuned into Section 31 News Network there...

 

[The Wormhole]

Actually what about the obituary section of Federation newspapers?

It is with great sadness we report the passing of Ryan Leslie, who was killed in action while carrying out his duties as a Starfleet officer serving on the Starship Enterprise. Ryan Leslie is survived by his parents, a brother and his maternal grandparents.
Oh, never mind, he woke up from death.

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

I agree about the replicators and such- they'd have contractors to supply those things.

What about Cetacean Ops? Must be lonely in the whale tank. http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/Cetacean_Ops

 

[Dispaminite]

Meanwhile, at the Safety Review Division of the largest Holodeck manufacturer in the Federation.
"So, we have a few new programs we have to test before we can release them to the general public. As always, all program assignments will be random, to prevent the 'Internal Incident of 2350.' We have 26 new Klingon Battle programs. Standard Hazard Bonus will be ineffect.

Three more Flouder programs along with two lecture programs from Tuvor of Vulcan. As a reminder, sleeping through the programs is ground for transfer.

And finally, Peldar of Fereginar is at it again. The title of this months program is "Pon Farr on Risa. Standard Hazard bonus will be in effect."

 

[The Wormhole]

Imagine the corporation that manufactures the holodecks customer service division.

"What do you mean they malfunctioned on the Enterprise again? Maybe Starfleet's finest just don't know how to care for it. What happened this time? The ship's computer used the holodeck to create an offspring? How the hell were we supposed to prepare for that?"

 

[Dispaminite]

Imagine the call from DS9. "What do you mean they downloaded the Sensor Staff into a cheap James Bond Knockoff program?"

Imagine the Temporal Affairs having to continually go back and correct the timeline due to drunk Frat Boys from the University of Risa sling-shotting around the sun.

 

[Dispaminite]

Senior staff. Stupid typos.

 

[Elder Knight]

The bureaus of circuit breakers and of seat belts are particularly corrupt and useless.

 

[locutus101]

I always wonder how the cleaning is done. They never talk about it and we never see anyone do it. So, what are we supposed to conclude from it?

 

[F. King Daniel]

I'm pretty sure there's a Next Gen episode where Riker says the ship cleans itself? Or did I imagine that?

 

[B.J.]

I'm pretty sure there's a Next Gen episode where Riker says the ship cleans itself? Or did I imagine that?

"Up the Long Ladder"