Voyager Caption This: Impercaption

[Evil Twin]

Last round's winner:

CommanderTrip said:

Janeway: As a token of good faith, I offer you one of our most priced resources and prestigious pieces of technology.

Security Officer Number One: Hey, isn't that the device we used to store that plasma creature we've been keeping on Deck 12?

Janeway: Shut up crewman.....

Security Officer Number 2: Isn't that also the same thing we used to make a Quantum Slipstream drive that we thought was going to work fine, but didn't and actually destroyed the ship, causing the only two surviving crewmembers to alter the past and send a message that would cause the damn thing to break?

Janeway: Shut up Ensign.....

Security Officer Number 3: It's also the same thing Neelix used to store contaminated warp plasma that detonated and killed a bunch of people he was about to trade with.

Janeway: What is it with you people? shut the hell up!

Tuvok:I also must confess, that I recognize that instrument as the device that stored a bunch of psyochotic killer holograms that we discovered onboard an Hirogen Hunting Simulation

Janeway: Et tu, Tuvok?

Chakotay: No, he's right too. I would bet my spirit guide that that is the same thing we used to store that borg baby that just seemed to disappear.

Janeway: That's it, we're cutting all but one of your lines per mission, and also I'm ordering you to eventually become involved with a crewmember that will make you look like the most random, odd paired couple on the ship. *sighs heavily*

Janeway: You see what I have to work with here? We can never get anything done. It's why we keep losing shuttles.

And your prize:

Look, I know you were expecting a cellular
peptide cake with mint frosting, but this
will have to do.

Up next:

 

[Kirby]

While they got away with replacing Robert Beltran with a cardboard cut-out for years, the audience was quick to notice when Robbie McNeill was replaced by an inflatable sex doll.

 

[od0_ital]

Pinnin' this.

Happy Birthday, Evil Twin!

:thumbsup:

 

[Kegek]

Paris would never forget that sight. A giant doughnut in space. With frosting.

Doctor: But I recorded my recitation of Nessun dorma especially for you!

Doctor: You appear to be suffering from an autonomic aural congestion, but I can't seem to pinpoint the source...
Icheb: It was your opera singing.
Doctor: It was not my opera singing!
Seven: You're right. It was a musical.

 

[Gertch]

Congrats CommanderTrip!

Hairhelmet Janeway: "Accelerate to Ludicrous speed!"
Paris: "But our radar is jammed."

Emh: "And if I turn the remote up just a little."
Janeway: "OH Doctor. Yes, yes."

Emh: "This is the little shit who emanated that odor!"

 

[Shatmandu]

Doctor: "Scans indicate he has a significant dairy deficiency in his diet."

Doctor: "This device will create a balanced, cycling tetrion field in place of the traditional stick up your ass."

 

[Rat Boy]

*THUMP!*

Janeway: "Did we just hit something?"

Paris: "Uh, no, no we didn't. You must be hearing things. I'll just keep on driving like nothing happened and hope no one notices that old lady on the side of the road."

The Doctor: "What have I told you about sticking these things in your ears, especially when I'm trying to sing?"

The Doctor: "Increased respiration, perspiration, elevated blood flow to the groin area, and a sudden need to hide his lower extremities behind cover."

Seven of Nine: "Is it serious?"

The Doctor: "No, not really. I believe it is colloquially referred to as a 'hard-on.'"

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Starfleet regulation 13473.366 subparagraph G. 'In a crisis situation, when shields are down, structural integrity failing, warp drive offline, self destruct non operational, weapons destroyed, and all else fails, Yodel'

Paris: "And you call me reckless and irresponsible!"
EMH: "What possessed you? Do you know what would have happened if it had ruptured? And what it Erisian customs had insisted on a body cavity search. Erisian prisons aren't exactly the galaxy's garden spot."
Paris: "Don't worry about that. The Captain's so tight assed that..."
Janeway: "Watch your mouth Mister! Look Doctor, it's only thirty grams, just for personal use. Honest."

EMH: "Scanning... Sensors indicate Icheb's diarrhea has returned."

 

[Rat Boy]

Paris: "What the hell was that?"

Tuvok: "Spaceball One..."

Paris: "They've gone to plaid!"

 

[MeanJoePhaser]

"Paris shows us his 'Oh face'."

or

"Another succesful graduate of the Corey Haim School of Trout Mouth Acting."

Doctor: "Must we go through this every time, Captain? The medication you require is only available as a suppository."

"The first one to take their hands of the console loses, and the winner gets a shiny new Delta Flyer!"

 

[BorgBabe]

#1: While Janeway was trying her best at killing all those fruit flies, Paris had a flashback of being five. Riding his bike in his parents yard at sunset accelerating and accelerating and swallowing his first bug...

#2: Doc: "YOU POURED IT INTO B'ELANNA'S COCKTAIL?!?"

#3: Janeway: "What's going on over here?"
Doc: "...Well, just never suggest a good old staring competition in Borg company..."

 

[jonnyskywatcher]

The crew reacts in horror when Icheb confesses that he does not find Seven of Nine remotely attractive.

 

[BriGuy]

A British tar is a soaring soul
As free as a mountain bird
His energetic fist should be ready to resist
A dictatorial word

Seven: Icheb, I insist that you come out from behind that console immediately.

Icheb: But... but, I can't, not now.

Seven: Explain.

Icheb: I have a... a... a... oh, I can't tell you!

Doctor: Allow me to shed some holographic light on the situation. Not only has our hormonally infused boy Borg here sprouted wood, the nanoprobes in his member have fused with the console. I'm afraid we'll need an engineering team to separate him from it.

Doctor: Captain, you simply must curtail your holographic love life activities. Not only have you burned out yet another holodeck processor, there are stray photons emanating from between your legs.

 

[Turd Ferguson]

"Captain, we've got an emergency up here! There'll be plenty of time to fondle Tuvok's manboobs later!"

Paris and the Doctor decided to have an intervention with Janeway when her Janeway/Paris amphibious warp 10 lizard sex program was accidentally activated on the holodeck.

 

[Candlelight]

"When this baby hits Warp 10 you're gonna see some pretty serious shit"

In "The Janeway Identity", the russian fishermen try to figure out how a hologram depicting a german bank account number was surgically implanted in her hip.

Doctor: "Ok... right hand, blue"

 

[NathanielM]

Paris: OH MY GOD -- it's the Deathstar! HEY wait a minute...
What the hell are they all doing with their pants down?

Doctor: It is a special mix of speed and exctasy...Smoke it and you will find pleasure for hours...

Janeway: Well i don't know....

First officer: Don't Do it Jsneway! I am your man tonight and can pleasure you better than that stuff...

(The new sickbay gameshow... Rock Scissors Paper)

Doctor: Ready Set... Go...

Icheb:Paper
Seven: Scissors
Icheb: Rock:
Seven: Paper..

Doctor: Seven Winner:

Icheb: Damn it! I want to go again!

 

[Sephiroth]

With The Captain and Tuvok Fighting over the last Choco-Banana, Tom Paris was the only one to realise when they had dropped out of warp right infront of a certain fully armed and opperational battle station, he would be the only one to have known...

 

[Nerys Myk]

Tom's last thought was , "What an odd place to put a brick wall."

EMH: I assure you Mister Paris, this holo-Janeway is just like the real thing, only there is an off-switch."

Realising she had activated the Emergency Culinary Holgram by mistake Janeway tried to compensate.

ECH: And now just a pinch of salt...

 

[Candlelight]

"DON'T MAKE ME COME BACK THERE!"

"Captain, this is the most important piece of technology we could possibly have. It will speed up our travel times and get us home in six years. It would also- what are you staring at?"
"A little dog just pissed on your foot"

Janeway hoped the Doctor's scans wouldn't show her DNA on the glue which stuck Seven & Icheb to the console.

 

[Alyssa]

[image]http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y72/dbruce79/imperfection486.jpg[/image]

Doctor: Oh Captain i know that paris is lousy in bed but female Viagra.. seriously!!!