Voyager Caption Contest #134: Substitution

[LeadHead]

Hello Everyone! No I am not furthering an agenda to rule all of caption contests. I'm just pitching in for a little bit to help keep things rolling here. And now...

First up to the plate, we have the "Unbelievable" Award, going to:

Paris: I'm sorry, I thought you said Seven and you were dating.

Next, we have the "Advanced Training" Award, going to:

Bel: Why do you keep starting sentences with "In the Maquis"? I was in the Maquis too, ya know.
Chak: In Starfleet Academy, we learned how to annoy our junior officers.

Next, we have the "Important Information" Award, going to:

Tuvok: Security has detected anomalous comm traffic. We must be prepared.

Chakotay: With the phaser? What is it?

Tuvok: It is a small hand weapon designed to fire continuous beams of energy for the purpose of incapacitating an opponent. But that is not important right now.

Next, we have the "At least it's only a matter of time until Starbucks expands into the Delta Quadrant" Award, going to:

The laxative effects of Neelix's 'Coffee' were soon discovered!

PARIS: Don't push me man! I've been to prison!

CHAKOTAY: Wasn't "prison" a luxury resort in New Zealand where you talked about your feelings?

PARIS: Was a worth a shot.

Chakotay: You phasered Neelix over a bowl of plomeek soup? I mean, we've all thought about it at one point, but thats cold man! even for you.

Tuvok: Not as cold as my soup.

Chakotay: Ever notice how you're always acting like a massive prick whenever Michael Jonas is around.
Paris: Well duh!

Paris: Wait, *you* were a championship boxer at the Academy?
Chakotay: Yes. They called me "The Mighty Oak", because I was so difficult to knock down.
Paris: Huh. I'd heard the nickname, but always thought it was in reference to your wooden personality.

Kes: ...and that's how 'Threshold' ends.

Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to all the winners!

And now, lets caption!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Paris: It says, "Beware of the Robotic one."

Tuvok and Robot stare at each other.

Janeway: Then it is decided, we will play Settlers of Catan. Tuvok, you'll be the banker.

And no one in Engineering ever asked for a day off again...

Tuvok-Alien: (thinking) This is my chance to take over the entire ship while everyone is knocked out. Nah, I'll just bide my time.

The Doctor: No life signs.

Janeway: Doctor, you're scanning an empty bed.

 

[Karzak]

Tim Russ responds to critics of Star Trek: Renegades.

 

[JirinPanthosa]

PARIS: No way. I was sure it was at least eight inches.
TUVOK: Human males tend to overestimate their features.

JANEWAY: There's one thing I can't figure out. Why even bother trying to pose as us and learn our culture? Why not just attack Earth en masse?
BOOTHBY: Actually...that's a good point. Let's go.
JANEWAY: Hey, WAIT!

Best...night...EVAARRR!

TUVOK: Yes, I'm using a phaser on the wide beam setting. So now this was retroactively an option in EVERY PHASER BATTLE! BWA HA HA HA HA!
RICK BERMAN: Excellent...

DOCTOR: That's odd. I'm not detecting a pulse.
TORRES: Oh, ha ha ha. How's he really doing?
DOCTOR: Commander Chakotay is fine, he's just got a few sprains.

 

[Nerys Myk]

PARIS: My stocks are tanking. I'm broke!

TUVOK: I thought we didn't have money?

PARIS: That's what I just said!!!

JANEWAY: Prognosis, Doctor?

EMH: No sign of humor out there

ADMIRAL: He doesn't look Martian.

PARIS: Not in the face!

 

[T'Ressa Dax]

http://i183.photobucket.com/albums/x54/TrueX-Ray/Voy1d.jpg

Tuvok: It appears my new phaser modifications were prepared at the right time.

 

[Triskelion]

Kudos on the cool awards & stuff, Leadhead!
We still love you Catarina!

Tom: Stop - ♫ in the name of love, stop! Before you break my heart, stop! In the name of love - ♫
Tuvok: Stop.
...
Tuvok: ♫ Before you tear it apart. ♫

Boothby: Know what scares the hell out of me?
Janeway: Our nanoprobe technology?
Boothby: The state of your azaleas! Who looked after them, a three year old pyromaniac?
Tuvok: Well....

Captain's log, supplemental: Making a drinking game out of every time Seven got screen time sounded like a good idea at first....

Paris: Just for this I am going to tell all the alien chicks he's technically not a black guy, you know, in the lower decks.

EMH: Temperature exceeding tolerances! Viscosity pressure of internal fluids dangerously overheating! I'll need to run a full microcellular series if we're going to save this patient! Electro-lance! Electro-lance, stat!
Janeway: Or you can just turn off the microwave and let the Hot Pocket cool....


http://www.trekbbs.com//www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/

 

[Catarina]

Triskelion> great captions.

 

[Smellincoffee]

Thanks for the win!

Tuvok: Is there a message, lieutenant?
Tom: Best I can tell, the NASDAQ is up four hundred points.

 

[Hutchy01]

Paris (Reading): You have eaten a disappointing fortune cookie!

 

[Nebusj]

Paris: ``They nabbed Sacco and Vanzetti! They're sure to come after us next!''

Janeway: ``So ... no one brought their putters and brightly-colored golf balls?''
Boothby: ``So someone couldn't set up their windmill obstacle or a clown head or anything?''

Torres: ``... and it turns out the engineering department is not litter-trained.''

``Wait ... we can set our phasers to `spray cheese' now?''

The Doctor: ``And ... 1.375 dashes of nutmeg!''

 

[Triskelion]

Ha, Thanks Catarina! They're in awesome company! (As always)!

Paris: Never gonna give you up stop. Never gonna let you down stop. Never gonna run around and desert you -
Tuvok: Stop.

Boothby: This table is a giant vagina.
...
What??

Secret Alien Observer Xob: What happened here, mass cult suicide?
Secret Alien Observer Xalph: Nope.
Secret Alien Observer Xob: Alien prion infection or macrovirus?
Secret Alien Observer Xalph: Nope.
Secret Alien Observer Xob: Someone sing opera over the PA system?
Secret Alien Observer Xalph: That's the one.

Tuvok: Oh, did I download an app that arbitrarily gives control of my phaser to hackers and government agencies and then thoughtlessly aim it at you for extended periods of time until it inevitably went off? I am so sorry, I guess I was too distracted by the constant intrusion of your tricorder's camera lenses into my personal life over here.

EMH: I'm detecting...increased levels of snark, Captain. I believe we are being observed by captioners.
Janeway: Bad day to go with the assless chaps, Doctor.


http://www.trekbbs.com//www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/

 

[tharpdevenport]

Admiral: "Anybody ever told you your meeting table looks like an erect alien penis?"

 

[stardream]

Paris: Dad! You need to come back now. Your children need you!
Tuvok: Children?

 

[tharpdevenport]

Paris: "It's encoded. hold on, I'm decoding... okay -- I think I got it. It says: 'Drink... more... Ovaltine'."

 

[Catarina]

I like Ovaltine

 

[Hutchy01]

'Boothby': For the last time ... Candy got his hand Caught in a machine!

 

[hux]

TFTW

Paris: Insert latch F into housing B. Congratulations your new X3S Robot sex toy is ready to provide you with hours of penetrating fun. Enjoy.

Janeway: We all put our keys in the middle of the table and then see where the night takes us.

Admiral Janeway: And this is why I had to travel back in time. After Neelix left and Chell took over the cooking responsibilities, everyone died within the week.
Janeway: Fair enough.

Paris: Arghhhhh! Lens flare. You idiot, this will never catch on.

The Doctor: It's some kind of pleasuring device for women.
B'Elanna: Where did it go? It's moved.
Janeway. Oh my!

 

[T'Girl]

EMH: There's nothing here, completely dead.

BeLanna: But Tom's still breathing.

Janeway (whispering): Doctor, your tricorder is set to "acting ability."

 

[Nerys Myk]

JANEWAY: Do you have it on the right setting?

TORRES: Try waving it in a figure eight motion.

EMH: Apparently I'm being second guessed by Frida Kahlo and Katherine Hepburn.