Voyager Caption Contest 128: Real action is in Sickbay

[Catarina]

"I"m still trying to swallow down my last bite of Neelix' latest culinary creation. I can't bring myself to do it."

KJ: I picked up these flowers because they made me think of you. Guess which ones specifically?

Where will you be when your space diarrhea comes back?

Chacotay: "Oh, I'm sorry, are we bowing now?"

Janeway: "No, I crapped by pants. Computer, granny panties, size large, hot."

Janeway: Hey Chak! There's a monkey on my back pulling on my ponytail! It hurts!

Chak: That's not a monkey. It's Neelix.

Janeway: Six of one...! Do something about it!!!

Chakotay: Captain, I recommend a commendation for whichever crewman installed this urinal in Astrometrics.

Janeway: ``OK, my hair has engaged full deflectors. Now what's this shocking news?'
'

...............

That awkward moment when two officers break the tension by breaking wind. At the same time.
"Jinx!"


Janeway: "I don't know what they've been saying, but I have not, I repeat not, been leaving the seat up."

"Wait a second. You want me to strap on a dildo and do what?"

...............


A tie:

JANEWAY: It's not really Popeye without a pipe.

ChakotesMaGoats: Pink Tulips...bowl of salty nuts... aromatic oil candles... mood lighting... Are you trying to give me a sign, Captain?
Janewut: MERGE.
ChakotesMaGoats: Just tell me yes or no....
Janewut: SLIPPERY WHEN WET.
ChakotesMaGoats: Whatever you want....
Janewut: ENTER WHEN READY
ChakotesMaGoats: Just let me know.
Janewut: SLOWWWWWWW
ChakotesMaGoats: Any sign at all....

..............


QUOTE=hux;10814149]



Janeway: Hang on, so you're saying the mobile emitter has spawned a huge Borg drone......I'm really getting sick of this shit

I was too, Captain.


Next week I'll have a new award to compete for. Onward to deck five!

 

[Nerys Myk]

EMH: I'm just surprised the ship actually has a pilot light.

 

[Nerys Myk]

PETER: I'm sorry Tinkerbell. The pixedust isn't working on these two.

 

[2takesfrakes]

MARTHA: "What do you mean, they're killing off Seska to make way for some rehabilitated Borg? That's horseshit! Seska and Suder are the two coolest characters on VOYAGER, they're not getting rid of us. When are you going to stop stirring the pot? ... Huh?!"

BOB: "I don't make-up the news. I just report it."

 

[tharpdevenport]

My terrible humor won. ;-)


So, time to re-use an image and caption from the last contest:

"Wait a second. You want me to strap on a dildo and do what?"

MINUTES LATER...

 

[hux]

Already onto the next caption competition Speedy

Thanks for the win.



Paris: Try eating your own god damn food
Neelix: No!!!



Doctor: If we don't cure this man soon, his anus will explode all over the place
Chakotay: I'm afraid it's too late doctor



Doctor: As requested....Michael Sullivan inside a snow globe......merry Christams captain!
Janeway: Idiot, I said I wanted Michael Sullivan inside me for a slow probe



Seska: If the baby isn't Chakotay's then how come it's so boring and has no enthusiasm for anything....answer me that doctor!



Kazon: That's right, you put your hand there and tell me I've been a very bad girl.....then I tell you that you're a big handsome warrior

 

[tharpdevenport]

"TELL ME WHO THE WINNERS ARE for Voyager Caption Contest 125: The Trouble with Tom, now!"

"I'm too lazy!"

 

[joededman]

Whoo hoo! A little success creates an overwhelming desire to try and repeat.

Thanks Catarina.



That's right Neelix. Open wide for some of YOUR OWN DAMN LEOLA ROOT Spring rolls.



Mulgrew: You know, I can't even be bothered to act surprised by what ever cheap lame crap the FX guys are going to add in post.



Seska: I heard that you could really light things up in the sack.
EMH: Yea, well if the ship travelled an extra couple of light years for every time I've heard that line, we'd be home by now.

 

[Ithekro]

EMH: You know I think you are actually a Klingon, pretending to be a Romulan, pretending to be a Cardassian, who was pretending to be a Bajoran.

Seska: Oh you are so very, very close, Doctor. I'm actually a Time Lord, pretending to be a Human, pretending to be a Klingon, pretending to be a Romulan, pretending to be a Cardassian, who was pretending to be a Bajoran. Later I am going to regenerate into a Borg, and be back to taunt you.

 

[JirinPanthosa]

NEELIX: AHH! Okay, I'll stop putting liola root in everything!
TUVOK: And?
NEELIX: I'll stop paying you visits and being a dick about your emotionlessness!




DOC: I'm sorry. I operated for ten hours straight, but I couldn't save his personality.



MU JANEWAY: Your people have been gradually switching places with my people. Obviously, you're doing this intentionally to capture the ship. So I've programmed the transporters to continuously monitor the ship and transport any non-crewmembers who appear into space.
MAN: Okay, okay, I'll bring your crew back!
MU JANEWAY: That's right. We're all unfailingly competent in this dimension.



SESKA: Say it.
DOCTOR: *sigh* Please state the nature of the sexual emergency.
SESKA: Beautiful. Continue the Doctor's reprogramming. Try to make him look like Chakotay.



CHAKOTAY: Cullah? What do you want? Why are you still following us? Seska is dead!
CULLAH: I want to come with you to the alpha quadrant. I can't stop fantasizing about Cardassians, and I hear there are billions of them there.

 

[Triskelion]

T4TW Catarina!



EMH: After replacing his lungs, for a hundred credits more I can give you a holographically-enhanced bodybuilder chest. Or for a thousand more I can give you the full, ahem, package.
Kes: Sold!




EMH: Thanks for helping me decontaminate all the radioactive conduit gunk from the patient.
Chakotay: Yikes!
EMH: Now that B'Elanna's pelvic exam is finished, help me with the Malon.




Janeway: Computer, put up a level one forcefield around mister touchy-feely. And increase structural integrity field around the Captain's coif by forty percent.
Computer: Affirmative.
Janeway: And reprogram the Omega Directive protocols to these settings.




Seska: I'd like to schedule a gyno exam, doctor. Kazon doctors -
EMH: Are untrained in Cardassian physiology?
Seska: Are incapable of being reprogrammed to violate their ethical standards while on video.
EMH: Ha, I thought - wait, what?




Chakotay: So they brought you here to see your first human. Take a good look. You won't see any hate in my eyes. I'm a gentle man from a gentle people who wish you no harm.
Kazon: I gotta get my own washing machine.

 

[Nebusj]

Thanks for the ``You Must See''! I'll try to live up to the standard.




The Doctor: ``It's most serious. If we can't recover from the Vidiians Neelix's ability to yawn naturally he'll never be able to interact with Commander Chakotay again.''




The Doctor: ``Ah, yes, the old exploding hypospray trick ... that's the fourth time this month I've fallen for it.''
Chakotay: ``You've fallen for it?''




``I'm not touching you! I'm not touching you! See this? I'm not touching you!''
Janeway: ``Computer, delete the oxygen.''




The Doctor: ``Well, I've never before --- I'm sorry, are you wearing broccoli on your shoulder pads? The heck?''




``I've always wanted to strangle the Man in the Moon from A Trip To The Moon!''

 

[2takesfrakes]

... I don't know how long they tortured him, but through the endless screams and inane babble, they discerned two words: "SHIRE! BAGGINS!"

 

[tharpdevenport]

Mal Reynolds (behind the forcefield): "What kind of gorram witch craftery is this?"

Janeway: "It's a forecefield."

Mal: "Shiny."

Janeway: "By the way, my deeply inferior show will lat seven seasons and yours not a full one. And they'll move the pilot around."

Mal: "Not so shiny."

 

[Triskelion]

Neelix: Fourteen episodes! Fourteen episodes!
EMH: Get me a sedative! It was canceled in 2003, for crying out loud!
Neelix: ..............Fourteen episodes! Fourteen episodes!

 

[locutus101]

EMH: That proves it! Your breath actually does kill flies.



EMH: It looks like the exploding cigar is not as funny as I thought.



Mu-Chakotay: Catherine, please, stop the agony booth! I won't tell another one of my phony Indian moral stories. I swear!

 

[tharpdevenport]

Doc: "Ah, congratulations, Mr. Neelix. You're about to be the proud father of a chest popper. I won't inquire further about your personal activities."

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

EMH: Commander, please stop purchasing your phaser power packs from the ACME Corporation.

Janeway: So, Mr. Westphall thinks OUR show is one of his dreams too, does he? INTO THE AGONY BOOTH!!

Neelix: NO! Not the bore worms!!

EMH: It's either that or Janeway's cooking.

(long pause)

Neelix: Worms are good.

 

[locutus101]

EMH: It seems, I overdid the fireworks for my Opera recital...

 

[Triskelion]

EMH: Shall I set the forcefield around the prisoner?
Janeway: Do it.
Kes: Post security at the door?
Janeway: Do it.
EMH: Sedate the prisoner?
Janeway: Do it.
Kes: Ask why you spend so much time in the cargo bay?
Janeway: Doing it.
EMH: Conduct a physical examination?
Janeway: Do it....