VOY Caption this 99; Duel and Duality

[Ln X]

The weekend begins here with the latest caption contest!!! We're almost at the 100th caption contest and I have a little special something planned which will involve a different way of captioning, but I'll explain come the next contest.

Anyway, the winners are...

That's the last time we recruit a Triffid commander.

Kazon: i've literally just met you.....and i'm already irritated

EMH: You might be interested to know that Lieutenant Vorik shouted out your name during Pon Farr - before he burst out crying.

Janeway: I still got it.

Janeway: "A considerable amount of ship's resources went into building this thing, what's it supposed to do again?"

Seven: "According to Mr. Paris, if I stand in front of these ultraviolet rays for several minutes per day, in no time I will take on the appearance of something that is referred to as a California girl"

Drone: We are the Zombie Borg. We will eat your brains. Resistance is futile.

///

///

///


The captionated award has briefly been decommissioned but it will be back, especially for contests with high number of responses, but in its place we have...

And now introducing our 'Thematically Pleasing Award' the theme from the last contest being 'con and conditionallity'.

EMH: "He's attempting to learn yogic flying. I'll then give him a treatise on homeopathic medicine. I then intend to introduce him to the Church of Scientology. I want to see how much new age bullshit he takes seriously before he realises..."
Janeway: "And you're doing this why?"
EMH: "It's a bit of a laugh, really."

Sometimes this will be the only special award given, or sometimes the captionated award will make an appearance, or they both will if you guys go ham!

///

///

///

Our theme is duel and duality, characters at conflict, two-sided characters, and so forth... And the pictures destined for this contest are...

Our next caption contest, the 100th no less, is on the 25th of January!

Until then have fun!

 

[Ln X]

Janeway: Quick! Let's make holes in the roof to defeat these alien intruders!

Doctor: If you don't lay still Carrey, you may not have a nose remaining when I'm done...

Tom: Now Harry don't be cheeky, surely your alien girlfriend's you-know-what can't stretch that much...

Janeway: If this is heaven, where is the coffee-dispenser machine?

Seven: Today's lunch time topic is Cardassian torture techniques, discuss...
Naomi: Does Flotter torture people?
Seven: Only adults...

 

[hux]

Paris: This is the worst disco i've ever been to

Doctor: You may never walk again
Carrey: It was worth it...best sex ever!

Tom: To use an analogy, Voyager's success was 10 miles long
Kim: If that's true then this is how much i contributed to that success

Janeway: Is that Neelix drowning on the right.....yup, just keep looking to the left

Seven: Those things on your forehead make you look like a complete tool
Naomi: WTF!

 

[R. Star]

Janeway: Fire your phasers at the aliens we're trying to establish peaceful contact with and apologize for our fellow humans killing!

Carey: Torres will never backtalk me again, I showed her who's boss and that I wasn't going to put up with that.
Chakotay: Actually, Captain Janeway promoted her to Chief Engineer. You'll be reporting to her now.
Carey: Damn her to hell!
Doctor: Torres or the Captain?
Carey: Yes!

Kim: Then she was like BAM! And I was like WHAM!
Paris: Didn't I tell you, you'd have a great time at that brothel?

Janeway: This crap is why Chakotay gets high all the time? Vision quests are boring! There's no one to torture!

Naomi: Bitch! How am I supposed to get a guy to notice me with you flaunting yourself around in that catsuit?
Seven: Your figure is irrelevant. Adapt or be assimilated by no one.

 

[Nerys Myk]

JANEWAY: Computer, freeze program. Now advance, one quarter speed.

 

[JirinPanthosa]

KIM: Captain, there are strange anomalies appearing all over the place!
JANEWAY: Must be a Braga episode.

O'BRIEN: Where am I? What is this?
DOCTOR: Relax Miles. You're home. On Voyager.
O'BRIEN: No, this isn't right. I'm not on Voyager, I'm Chief of Operations on DS9!
DOCTOR: We just rescued you from an alternate universe where you were stationed on Deep Space Nine. You may be a little bit disoriented.
O'BRIEN: NOOOOOO!

KIM: The Delaney sisters actually still believe we're brothers!
PARIS: I told you, go after the blue shirts. Big brains, no common sense.

SEVEN: So that's what happened. The real Naomi is dead, and you were brought over from an alternate version of Voyager.
NAOMI: MOMMY!

 

[Nerys Myk]

CHAKOTAY: Is that Lt. Carey?

EMH: Apparently he's been in here since the middle of Season One.

 

[jespah]

Thanks for the win!

Paris - Yeah, right it's that big. In metric, maybe.

 

[T'Girl]

Paris: "Then what happen?"

Kim: "Just as she was leading me into the bedroom, and unzipped her dress ... I suddenly changed direction, ran down the stairs, and out the back door."

Paris: "Did she chase after you?"

Kim: "Yeah, but with that evening dress down around her ankles ..."

 

[Triskelion]

Paris: Captain, I'm not sure Whack-a-Moles are supposed to shriek bloody murder.

Janeway: Just keep playing! I'm not spending my Friday night on paperwork!

Carey: All I did was ask B'Elanna to help me scrub out some grass stains.
EMH: Why should she attack you for that?
Carey: With her forehead.
Chakotay: Oh, snap!
Tuvok: Lieutenant Torres does not respond well to verbal antagonism.

Then I showed her how I would spank her from behind.

And she went home with you?

No. But she didn't knee me in the groin!

You're making progress, Champ!

Seven: By the time you are eighteen and I am forty, I will have every male on this ship so rotten with STD's you'll think you're in a documentary about a cheese factory.

Naomi: Sheesh, all I said was how they hanging.

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Thanks for the Thematically Pleasing!

on intercom: "Neelix to Bridge. I forgot to ask you Captain. What did you think of the special mood lighting I installed up there? It's supposed to reduce stress and increase efficiency. It cost me three weeks of replicator rations... Um, Captain? What's that sound?"

Carey: "I had the strangest dream. I went to this magical world and had these amazing adventures. And you were all there. You were this cowardly lion, Mr Tuvok, you were this scarecrow, Doctor..."
Chakotay: "I suppose I was a Tin Woodman..."
Carey: "Nah, you were the tree he was cutting down."

Kim: "So what happens when Ln X runs out of Blackadder the Third titles?"
Tom: "Duh! Blackadder Goes Forth."

Janeway: "Janeway to Paris... Tom, have you been using my Fair Haven holoprogram again?"
Paris on intercom: "Yes Captain. It is open to the crew."
Janeway: "Just put it back the way you found it Tom. I don't appreciate the surfing ninja turtle yelling 'Cowabunga' in the beach subroutine."

Naomi Wildman would be even more unimpressed with Seven of Nine's impersonation of a zit.

 

[Triskelion]

Computer, are there "plenty of fish in the sea?"

Affirmative; there are thousands of holographic species in this simulation.

I was talking about men.

Computer?

 

[Smellincoffee]

Naomi: How are you so strong? Is it those metal things on your hand?
Seven: No. It is because I ate my spinach, like a good sailor.

Chakotay: Did you seriously pinch Torres on the behind?
Carey: I THOUGHT SHE WAS SOMEONE ELSE!
Tuvok: Ordinarily I would issue charges, but in light of your various sundry dislocations, I believe the matter has been duly...addressed.

 

[Triskelion]

Seven: Naomi Wildman. Please refrain from knifing through orange peels with your horns.

Naomi: Why?

Seven: After countless weekends alone, you will learn that men find such ruthless efficiency...disconcerting. They will hide their oranges from you.

 

[Triskelion]

Tuvok: Check his underwear, Doctor.
Chakotay: I have to report their state of cleanliness.
Carey: Noooo! Not today of all days!

 

[Nerys Myk]

EMH: You, idiots. You don't take an Irishman to Fair Haven!

 

[LeadHead]

Voyager's party guests rarely got warm welcomes.

EMH: His nose is broken in 3 places and it appears that after that kick from Lieutenant Torres, he'll never have children.

Kim: So I told her, "I'm the operations officer."

Paris: And?

Kim: She hung up on me.

Janeway: Janeway to Voyager. I'm ready to beam back. Voyager? VOYAGER?!

Naomi: Seven, why do I have better table manners than you?

 

[Nerys Myk]

KIM: So I clap and the lights come on. If I clap again they go off. Pretty cool, eh?

 

[Triskelion]

Harry: Because I am a WILD AND CRAZY GUY!
Tom: Ha ha ha. You're going to get sucked out into space.

Carey: I'm suing this ship for sexual harrassment.
EMH: You were struck in the face by a Klingon.
Carey: Exactly. It's payday, suckas.
Tuvok: Logical.

Computer, reduce fish smell fifty percent.

There is no such subroutine in progress.

 

[Triskelion]

Paris: Cross the streams!

Janeway: You're gonna endanger us, you're gonna endanger our client, the nice lady who paid us in advance, before she became a dog!

Paris: Not necessarily - there's definitely a very slim chance we'll survive!

Janeway: I love this plan! I'm excited to be a part of it! Let's do it!

Tuvok: This job is definitely not worth another five a year.

Chakotay: What's wrong with him, Doc?

EMH: I don't know - he keeps repeating the same thing over and over.

Carey: Threshold!

Tuvok: Curious.

Kim: And then I invited her in and showed her my etchings.

Tom: You - actually drew etchings?

Kim: Of course! Klingons riding Pegasus horses.

Tom: And then she left.

Kim: And then she left.

Computer, will my ship ever come in?

Affirmative. If by come in you mean "arrive in the mail," and by ship you mean "Vulcan marital aid."

Naomi: I don't know what Neelix is cooking, but smells like bitch stew.

Seven: Oh no she di'ent!