VOY Caption Contest 112: Restraints, Cows, Kimsanity!

[Captain Kathryn]

Hi everyone!!!

First, I just want to thank Ln X again for asking me to take over the VOY caption contest! What a pleasant surprise! Wasn't expecting that!

Secondly, I have absolutely no idea how to Sticky this thread nor make the old one NOT Sticky...so please Mods help me?

Now onto the winners and the new contest! Enjoy!

B'Elanna: Come on, it'll be fun. First, you strip...

Alien: No hats? Where do you keep your Pepsi?
Chak: No Pepsi, Coke.
Tom: 24th century, we still can't have Coke and Pepsi in the same place.

PARIS: There goes our safety record. We'll never get that plaque.

Janeway: I respect every crewmember's opinion... Just not yours Hogan.

JANEWAY: You see Neelix? There is Delta Quadrant food that isn't made from disgusting bitter ground roots.

Just want to say I thought this one was HILARIOUS.

Janeway: "Ribbed, for my pleasure. If you get what I mean."

----

Okay, here are the images I chose for the new contest. Have fun!

 

[R. Star]

Chakotay: I've been waiting seven years for this moment!
Janeway: Seven years of plotting and this is your plan? Pft... amateur. Tuvok, get the flogging whip ready.

Celebrating 12 days without a workplace suicide.

Kim: I'm going to be sick.
Janeway: Ugh...
Paris: Another typical end of the month when no one has any replicator rations. Leola desert. That hedgehog can ruin anything....

When Harry told Tom he had a thing for ground beef, this wasn't what he had in mind. Just another day in the shameful existence that is Harry Kim's life.

Kim: She told me to remove my clothes!
Seven: Afterwards, Ensign Kim insisted we see you...
EMH: Thank God I'm a Doctor and not a therapist... I'd need dozens of counseling subroutines to even begin to unravel what's wrong with you.

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Thanks for the Captionated...

Chakotay: "It's the Heimlich manouevre, honest. She's choking on a bit of leola root. The hypospray is just... Nothing to see here. Dismissed!"

EMH: "I'm a hologram. I don't need the Heimlich manouevre!"

Paris: "Taste good?"
Janeway: "Mmm! Oh... wow... You know that bit in the Matrix Reloaded... in the Merovingian's restaurant?"
Harry: "TMI Captain... TMI!"

Cow thinking: "Ewww. I'm gonna need the Heimlich Manouevre after this..."

Harry: "Doc, you gotta do something. She tried to self-Heimlich!"

 

[Timewalker]

Harry: "Oh, Bessie... after all the women I've struck out with, I'm so happy to have found you! Let's go find a moon to jump over, and when we get back I'll get my clarinet and we'll make beautiful moosic together!"

 

[JirinPanthosa]

CHAKOTAY: Now that we're home I can finally follow through on my Maquis plan to steal a Starfleet vessel! Now back off or she gets it!

DOCTOR: What now the warp core is harmful to photonic matter? I call BS, that makes no sense! I should be able to manually fix the dilithium crystal misalignment!
KIM: Follow the script Doctor.
DOCTOR: This script is garbage!

JANEWAY: This is some good hedgehog pudding, Mr Suder! But enough eating, we need to find out what happened to Neelix.

HARRY: Oh, Seven. OH, SEVEN!

DOCTOR: What did the Captain do to you?
SEVEN: I requested a less revealing uniform.

 

[bbjeg]

Thanks for the pick!

Doctor: But I have to save the ship! I have to save the ship!
(Yeah, the original caption was good enough)

Kim: It's not like I could do any better.

Doctor: I said she's fine Kim, I would know.
Kim: FINE? Does she look fine? She needs to be nurtured, hugged, and stroked.
Seven: If you don't remove that hand off my shoulder, I'm going to assimilate my foot up your ass.

 

[Ln X]

Janeway: Shoot him!
Chakotay: That's right Ensign, scared aren't you? Four years in the Academy didn't prepare you for this huh? That's right wet yourself kiddo...

B'Elanna: Not another one of the Doctor's save-the-ship fantasies!

For some reason the cream tasted like piss but to spare the feelings of the mentally addled Tuvok, everyone pretended it tasted great.

Kim had a thing for cows, he would start with the mouth and finish with the... udders.

Kim: No! I do not want that on my conscience!

 

[Finn]

Chakotay: Tyler! I'll tell her where you put her nude pictures from her Academy days still if you don't let me pass!

Tyler: *thinking* How the heck did he know?

Janeway: *thinking* How the heck did they know? I thought Daddy had them purged.

Captain's Log. Tom Paris has been in sickbay for the past two weeks due to a Malon fever which keeps him making wisecracks. Chakotay has expressed concerns that the doctor may snap any time.

Janeway: Neelix must have the same cooking teacher as Riker did

 

[jazzstick]

I think the images went bad...This makes me sad.

 

[Captain Kathryn]

I think the images went bad...This makes me sad.

??? You can't see the images???

 

[jazzstick]

Chakotay:Back up Crewman, this hypo contains the only cure for the virus causeing the captain to repeatly orgasm!

Crewman:But Commander she ordered me to keep everybody out of her ready room!

B'lanna was trying to stop the Doctor when The Diarrhea struck!

Janeway: Tuvok, this is amazing!

Tuvok: Thank you Captain, it was coming out of the ass end of something Neelix had in a cage in the back.

Harry Kim found his first beef flavored kiss most enjoyable!

Harry Kim: Doc, do you really think she can keep up with the level of Hammyness you project?

 

[Triskelion]

TFTW & New Contest, Captain Kathryn! You're off to a great start!

Chak: Come one step closer and I'll inject her with this random sperm sample!

Janes: Oh come on now. It can't be any worse than a lizard.

EMH: See Kim, this is how to get a woman to touch you. Threaten her ass with a warp core breach.

Kim: I bow to the master.

Janes: Wow, the only way this could taste better is on top of a big, black -

Kim: Captain!

Janes: - forest upside down cake.

Tom: You're too easy, Harry.

Cow: No, Harry. Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?

Harry: How much for just two jugs?

Kim: See where my hand is? This is an appropriate touch. An inappropriate touch is where my other hand is.

Seven: How many times does Harry have to remind you, Doctor?

EMH: My bad.

 

[Nerys Myk]

SECURITY: Put it down, the Captain doesn't need a shave!

JANEWAY (oc): Why don't one of you idiots grab his holo emitter?

MULGREW: How many takes is this anyway?

WANG: Thirty two.

DIRECTOR: Relax, it's not like you all will get fat or something.

HARRY: Tom had better be right about this cow turning into a beautiful princess.

KIM: Couldn't we just make the uniform larger rather than take out another rib?

EMH: Who's the doctor here?

 

[Captain Kathryn]

Everyone is so funny!

Just FYI: I'm gonna post the winners and a new contest on 9/10 or 9/11.

 

[LeadHead]

Congrats on taking over the contest, Captain Kathryn!

Chakotay: Kathryn, please explain to the security officer that you specifically requested that I mainline the coffee straight to your bloodstream.

The Doctor: Get off of me, the Warp Core and I ARE IN LOVE!!!

Captain's Personal Log: This is gonna go straight to my thighs.

Harry: Why do you have Lieutenants rank pips?!

Doctor: I can treat you for the nausea after I finish singing my new rap lyrics.

Seven: I'm going to die.

Harry: We both are, Seven.

 

[T'Girl]

.

Chakotay: "Back off, I'll kill her, I swear I will."

Tuvok: "You do realize if you kill her, that makes me Captain?"

Chakotay: "Back off, I'll let her live, I swear I will."

EMH: "... and in the nightmare I was a doctor in the middle of this war at china beach, but it wasn't in china, it was in vietnam, and there was a nurse named McMurphy, and this red headed hooker, and this goofy life guard and I still had no hair and ...."

Harry: "Sure Doc, now why don't you just ease away from the warp core?"


　

 

[Velocity]

Chakotay: First step in this intervention: hypospray the Captain. Second step: Crewman, go to the holosuites and erase that Irish Village program!

EMH: Kim, you are cheating at Twister again and I quit!
Harry: You can't quit now! You know this is the only way I can get women to touch me!

 

[Triskelion]

Janes: Canteloupe! Canteloupe!

Chak: No, you changed our safeword, remember?

Janes: Interplexing phase...sinusoidal... - damned technobabble!

Damn Paris and his movie ticket lines! I'm going in!

Janes: This is wonderful, Tuvok! What do you call it?
Tuvie: Short and Curly Surprise.
<Tom & Harry put forks down. Janes keeps eating>

Cow: Oh, Harry!
Harry: Do I make you horny, baby?

Harry: Why didn't you warn her about Tuesday's Fiesta Buffet!
EMH: I figured she'd hurl it sooner or later.

 

[Gil T.Azell]

B'Elanna: "OMG that was a holographic fart, my pet Targ ones smelled better"

Doctor "Hey she who smelt it dealt it"

 

[Nebusj]

Janeway: ``All right, nobody panic, stay calm. What's-his-name here is just over-tired, that's all, and he'll go to bed when he's ready.''
Chakotay: ``I have a name!''
Janeway: ``Of course you do, dear little ... I want to say 'Chipotle'? Something? Whatever.''

``Don't try to stop me! I'm escaping this show and ... I'm going into the movies!''
``What, like Wagons East?''
``Stop me!''

``Someone remind me again why we're eating the models for an Arne Quinze art installation?''

``Hey, Harry! Find that a moo-ving experience yet!''
``Grow up you guys!''

[ Alternate ]

And Harry Kim totally believed it when they told him this was the Ambassador from Bovaria IX and that was the ceremonial greeting.

``Seven says she's gonna be fine! Lay off!''
``I just ... was a holo-cow somehow?''