I personally don't think that the mass destruction is as shocking as say, Man of Steel or GI Joe: Retaliation. That said, I do hope filmmakers dial down mass destruction scenes in the future, it is getting uncomfortable.
Yeah I do think there should have been something with the crew of the Enterprise as that event happened. Like I mentioned elsewhere... We know Sulu is FROM Frisco. He especially should have had something to say.
It happens, and nobody says anything about it! Yes, it is glossed over. The reference in the speech is really not enough for the magnitude of deaths on display.
On the other hand, I think such a thing would be unnecessarily sentimental. A recent movie I know off that has similar levels of destruction was The Avengers. Like the Avengers, STiD opted for a short memorial service that showed the hopes of the people, yet acknowledged the sadness and tragedy of the destruction. That is sufficient and gets the message across. Anything added on would feel like ending fatigue.
Other movies that I can think of that are similar:
Lord of the Rings: One of the most drawn out series of movies in recent years and it still keeps any memorials short and simple, considering the damage done.
Harry Potter: Lots of deaths, and while it is acknowledged, it is not dwelt on.
The Dark Knight Rises: Huge disruption of Gotham and continuous, horrifying acts of terrorism. Short memorial service.
Star Wars: A whole planet is destroyed and there isn't even a memorial service.
I'm not saying memorials are bad, I'm just saying that they should be appropriate to the tone and pace of the movie. A drawn out memorial at STiD might make it grim and full of despair, when the message was hope. Yes, in real life it doesn't work that way, but movie editing exists to communicate the messages the writers want to convey.
I liked what the Marvel universe has done though. In Iron Man 3 and Thor: The Dark World, the attack on New York in The Avengers is referenced and shown to have repercussions. Tony now has PTSD and Jane Foster is still angry about that attack. I hope this is similar in the next Star Trek movie, and I'm hopeful because STiD did not just let the destruction of Vulcan slide. In fact, it was the catalyst of the plot, and Spock is shown to not have recovered from it.