Trek XI Caption Contest #22: One More To Go
- Thread starter Rat Boy
- Start date
Kirk: No, I'm not shitting you. You actually do get into a horrible accident offscreen and wind up in worse shape than Stephen Hawking and can only beep to communicate.
Pike: And your telling me this was the only way to get the Star Trek pilot I was in on the air. What the hell were those guys smoking!?
McCoy [to Kirk off screen]: So I take it Pike was pissed when when you told him
Scotty: You think, I know I would sure as hell be pissed if I found out I had some crappy ass accident off screen to set up an episode where I got dumped somewhere at ass end of nowhere at the end of it.
Sulu [thinking to himself]: I sure hope Scotty doesn't find out about Relics.
Star Trip : One Week Until Launch
Kirk : Think we can sneak into the drive-in showing Star Trek with thing ?
Pike : That's the plan.
Scotty : Look, someone got into the drive-in without paying again.
McCoy : What the heck ?
Sulu : From the look of that shuttle I'd say it's a couple of rednecks.
Kirk : Think we can sneak into the drive-in showing Star Trek with thing ?
Pike : That's the plan.
Scotty : Look, someone got into the drive-in without paying again.
McCoy : What the heck ?
Sulu : From the look of that shuttle I'd say it's a couple of rednecks.
KIRK: Hey, man - I thought Starfleet was supposed to be all spit-and-polish, and now I see this beat-up dog?! It looks like it
was used for shuttle pilot training... the beginners!
PIKE: No, kid - we never send the new ones to Iowa. You see, the locals get hammered at the bar and start thinking about
what a great idea it would be to go key all those nice, shiny Starfleet shuttles. With this one, there's no point, heh heh
heh -- pisses 'em off. Now, get your butt on board and buckle up!
Kirk: "Dude. Star Tours is closed. What'll we do now?"
Pike: "I dunno... the Tea Cups?"
Kirk: "That ride always makes me throw up."
Pike: You see Jim the Talosians are a bunch of big headed lazy jerks who drop you in a cage so that you can mate with some hot chick and they can use your kids to do all the shit their too lazy to do because they spend all their time in fantasy land, and that is why we are never going back to Talos IV.
Kirk: So it has nothing to do with the fact that you got that hot chick pregnant?
Pike: Well that too.
Pike: You see Jim the Talosians are a bunch of big headed lazy jerks who drop you in a cage so that you can mate with some hot chick and they can use your kids to do all the shit their too lazy to do because they spend all their time in fantasy land, and that is why we are never going back to Talos IV.
Kirk: So it has nothing to do with the fact that you got that hot chick pregnant?
Pike: Well that too.
Pike (cont'd): ...and she wasn't that hot after you got a real good look at her. Hey, I was under the influence of telepathy.
Kirk:I'm not getting on board that shuttle until you tell me what happened to Captain April?
Pike: Who? I'm the FIRST captain of the Enterprise.
McCoy: "My God, what is that damn thing? Its all red and bloated with what looks like wirey curly fur and a metalic thingy on his chest..."
Sulu: "It says on his dossier that its James Tiberius Kirk from the year 2293, hes come here for the sequel with old Spock."
Scotty: "I dont know what it is but theres no way in hell that's Kirk. If it is and thats what happens to yeh after all this beamin' and warpin', then im gonna eat better and keep my weight down in future."
KIRK:"Doesn't this ship have shielding against delta rays?"
PIKE:"Who's worried about that?!"
SCOTTY:"I've bloody seen this before, Doc!
Zombification of the tissues!"
Pike: "There's nothing you could have done, Jim. They would have killed you, too, and the droids would now be in the hands of the Romulans."
Kirk: "I want to come with you to the Enterprise. There's nothing here for me now. I want to learn the ways of Starfleet and become a hero like my father."
Kirk: "Bike! What bike? This hunk of junk is all my Uncle would let me drive after the whole Vette incident!"
Kirk: Hey Pike, thanks for letting me go up looking all bloody and scruffy, I'm sure to get laid tonight!
Pike: That's your first lesson son, tear your clothes or get into a fight and you'll never go to bed alone.
Kirk: I will definately remember that! Wait a sec... did you just call me son?
Pike: No... oh by the way, tell your mom I'll comm her.
McCoy: So THAT'S what the Enterprise looks like with a Sombrero.
Scotty: 'Tis a thing of a wonder ey?
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