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Transformers 3: Which characters should they ruin next?

GeorgeKirk

Commodore
Commodore
Since Transformers 2 has earned more money than anything ever (except The Dark Knight) it's virtually certain that they'll make another one. Which characters do you think Michael Bay will ruin-um, I mean adapt, for the next one? Here are a few I thought of:

Unicron: This is the one we really want to see. A Death Star-sized, planet-eating being that transforms into a giant robot. In the 1986 movie, the orifice through which Unicron talked and devoured planets looked like a giant anus. With Michael Bay's Unicron, though, it probably will be a giant anus.

Hot Rod: I predict that Shia LaBeouf will get a dual role here. He'll reprise his role as an annoying human character and also voice an annoying Transformer who sounds and acts exactly like him.

Kup: In the 1986 movie, Kup was an Autobot warrior who transformed into a futuristic-looking El Camino. A Michael Bay version of this character would transform into an actual cup. Not the kind you drink out of. It will be a Decepticon whose mission is to keep Sam Witwicky from reproducing. Tragically, it will not succeed, although we will get lots of testicle-related "humor".

The Racial Stereotype: So far, Michael Bay's Transformers movies have managed to stereotype black people and Middle Easterners. Asians have been mostly exempt. Therefore, I predict that Mr. Bay will realize this glaring omission and make up for it by giving us a slanty-eyed Autobot who pronounces his L's like R's and transforms into a rickshaw. His name will be Chink.
 
'Splosions rule.

Hopefully we'll see people like Perceptor, Sixshot and Galvatron.

It's been hinted that Unicron will appear in T3, but if the writers have their way (assuming it's still the same duo) then the Dinobots won't cos they think they're stupid.

And given how the current movies are going, they probably wouldn't fit in.

Unless the Dinobots become a racial stereotype.

Maybe Iraqis, who America bombed back to the Jurassic age.
 
Next time I want no story. Well, that is "less story" than we're already getting. I want more, more, MORE useless comic relief characters! I want more racial stereotypes! We need an Asian-stereotype robot. He can be a Honda. I want a robot with big tits with her air-intake as her pussy. We NEED that!

I also want the whole movie to be one-long action scene. The movie needs to be three-hours long and just skull-fuck the ever loving shit out of you with action, explosions, and slow-motion. Forget an hour of set-up followed by an hour-long action sequence. Just start the movie with a giant explosion and go from there. No dialogue, no quiet moments of charactes plotting, just EXPLIOSIONS, EXPLOSIONS, EXPLOSIONS! Slow motion tumbling through the air! Show us some other old, hairy, homely guy's hairy ass and package! That really brings in the crowds!

The next movie needs to be more Bay than Bay has ever been.

It should also be at least three-hours long. You need that long to tell a good story.

Er, I mean, BLOW SHIT UP!!!!!!!!



I can't look at Megan Fox without feeling that she's 15 or 16 years old. The latter is the legal age of consent where I live but still...

Note to self: Ireland has some DAMN HOT 16 year olds.
 
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That's a pretty cynical way to start a good topic.

Who would I like to see? Maybe the following...

Hot Rod (or some version of Rodimus)
Ultra Magnus
Omega Supreme
The Arialbots

Unicron would be nice to see. I wonder what they'd do with him though. Would he still be a massive planet killer or would they have to shrink him down and make him something else?
 
The character additions for the next film:

Blaster
Sky Lynx
Ultra Magnus
Matt Lauer
Dr. Gregory House
Fred Flinstone
The red M&M
and a piece of dirt
 
Wreck Garr, now just a Jack Sparrow parody
Kup
Springer (voiced by Jerry Springer)
Blurr (who only speaks in audio clips from Blur songs)
 
Seeing as how Devastator was adapted in a craptacular fashion I no longer want to see Bay-ized versions of the Dinobots. Leave them alone please.

I'd still like to see Optimus get a trailer though. Surely that can't be messed up...too badly.
 
I don't see how a Bay film can "ruin" any existing characters, given how two-dimensional they tend to be in other media. Autobots = good. Decepticons = bad. Oops, I'm overgeneralizing. Tracks = good and vain. Ravage = bad and growls. They're Smurfs who turn into cars and trucks.
 
The Bay movies are completely unfaithful to the original cartoon. I want a robot the size of Megatron that turns into a space shuttle somehow big enough to hold every Decepticon as well as allowing the Constructicons to transform into Devastator! :)
 
The Bay movies are completely unfaithful to the original cartoon. I want a robot the size of Megatron that turns into a space shuttle somehow big enough to hold every Decepticon as well as allowing the Constructicons to transform into Devastator! :)

Yeah...I never understood that but then realized it was a cartoon. Meh. But at least the comics kicked ass.
 
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