TOS Temporary Caption Contest #5: Love, Hate & The Big River

[M'Sharak]

"You hear that, Man?"
"Hear what?"
"Music. What's that they're playing - 'Low Rider'? I like that."
"Indeed. Le's went, Pedro."

[Pedro slouches lower in seat, makes a periscope with his hand and lets in the clutch.]

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "What the? Swing music? Where's my Beastie Boys?"

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Kirk: I think I ran over Doctor McCoy.
Spock: Back up and finish him, Jim.

 

[Captain Crow]

Pimp Daddy Kirk: Mr. Spock, I believe I see one of my bitches over there.

 

[Shatmandu]

Sulu: "She just appeared in your quarters, sir."
Kirk: "Well, let's go see what Admiral Janeway needs this time ..."
McCoy: "Who? The horse-faced broad?"

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Sulu: I just thought you gentlemen should know: once you go Asian, you will lose all sensation.

 

[Nerys Myk]

KIRK: You were a pretty goodlooking man back in the day Bones.
You could have done a lot better than Nancy.

 

[Shatmandu]

McCoy: "And then I said, 'Look, pal, if you're going ..."
Kirk: "What?"
McCoy: "How long has he been there listening?"
<Sulu switches off viewer.>

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Sulu: ... I'm a 5'4 extremely fit starship helmsman that likes talking plants and swordplay...
McCoy: Ah geez, Jim! Do we have to watch Sulu's dating video again?

 

[Mr. Adventure]

Kirk: I'm tellin' all y'all, it's a sabuhtazh.
Spock: Sabotage.
Kirk: Spock, who's driving?

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Spock: "Whoa!"
Kirk: "What the fuck's happening, man? Ah, shit man!"
Spock: "Oh man, I shot McCoy in the face."
Kirk: "Why the fuck did you do that!"
Spock: "Well, I didn't mean to do it, it was an accident!"
Kirk: "Oh man I've seen some crazy ass shit in my time..."
Spock: "Chill out, man. I told you it was an accident. You probably went over a bump or something."
Kirk: "Hey, the car didn't hit no motherfucking bump."
Spock: "Hey, look man, I didn't mean to shoot the son of a bitch. The gun went off. I don't know why."
Kirk: "Well look at this fucking mess, man. We're on a city street in broad daylight here!"
Spock: "I don't believe it."
Kirk: "Well believe it now, motherfucker! We gotta get this car off the road! You know cops tend to notice shit like you're driving a car drenched in fucking blood."

 

[Shatmandu]

Kirk: "If the roller-skated waitress messes up our order again, she'll taste your gat."
Spock: "Agreed."

 

[cooleddie74]

McCOY:"So...lemme get this straight...your distant ancestor was a gay guy with a bad hairpiece...and liked to pose in front of red backdrops?!"

 

[cooleddie74]

SPOCK:"Permission to bust many caps in these fools' asses, sir?"

KIRK:"Permission granted, Spocko."

 

[Shatmandu]

McCoy: "So that's who they named the U.S.S. Zmed after. Huh."

 

[cooleddie74]

McCOY:"Adrian who?!"

KIRK:"Exactly."

 

[Shatmandu]

McCoy: "We're going back in time, endangering all our lives and the very fabric of the space-time continuum, so you can fuck Heather Locklear?"
Kirk: "Yep."
McCoy: "Sweeeeeeet."

 

[cooleddie74]

McCOY:"What with those haircuts and perms, Jim, it's a miracle those people ever made it outta the 20th century!!"

 

[Shatmandu]

Kirk: "I hate goddamned Italians. Set your Thompson gun to auto."

Sulu: "How the fuck would I know what goes in Egg Drop soup?"

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

McCoy: How do you get your uniform to be so soft and plush, Hikaru?
Sulu: Ancient Chinese secret.