Chapel: "It's true. A female, wearing gold, in Starfleet."
McCoy: "I'll euthanise her before a million canon fanboys scream out in horror."
Kirk: "Before we begin your testimony, we'll have to ask a couple of standard questions to calibrate the lie detector. State your name for the record."
Scott: "Montgomery Scott."
Computer: "Correct."
Kirk: "And your middle name is..."
Scott: "... um..."
Kirk: "Mr Scott, your middle name."
Scott: "Elizabeth."
Computer: "Correct. Subject is telling the truth."
Kirk chuckling: "How did you lose your finger, Mr Scott?"
Scott: "Are ye absolutely certain that..."
Kirk: "This is a court of law Mr Scott."
Scott sighing: "I lost it to a Risian whore who was suffering from a case of vagina dentata."
Computer: "Correct. Subject is telling the truth."
Kirk stifling laughter: "Very good Mr Scott, now, for the record, could you please tell a deliberate lie. What do you think of me as Captain of the Enterprise?"
Scott: "I think you're an overrated, tinpot dictator who can't keep his dick zipped at the sight of alien quim. A egotistical narcissist who has to be strapped into a girdle every morning by a team of yeoman, needs two inch lifts to peek above everyone else's belt buckle, and wears such an obvious wig that he's the laughing stock of Starfleet."
Computer: "Correct. Subject is telling the truth."
Scott: "I havnae finished..."
Kirk: "That's enough. Obviously the lie detector is malfuntioning. Court is adjourned until it can be repaired."
