TOS Caption Contest #98 - A Game Boy

[SciFi75]

Kirk: What's this? A complaint about Ensign Ricky making lewd propositions to female personnel?

McCoy: Yup. Four hundred complaints in one day. He's broken your record, Jim.

 

[Shatmandu]

Lt. Gawk, whispering: "Carl sent me over. I got twenty minutes with both. It's my birthday."

McCoy: "So Spock was wrong? Edith Keeler recovered, married, and had six kids? Oops ..."

 

[Rat Boy]

McCoy: "Will you just hurry up and pick one already? Everybody else has a sombrero these days!"

 

[Shatmandu]

Charlene: "Was your mom was a Keebler, because she sure made crackers ..."

McCoy: "Since Lt. Masters arrived, Uhura has been complaining about a shortage of fake nails and weave materials."

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Kirk: Bones, how does this penis pump work?
Bones: Damnit, Jim, I'm a doctor not a miracle worker.

 

[Tim]

ENSIGN RANDY: Hey ladies...want me to breach your warp core?

 

[Gertch]

Ensign Randy's pick up lines # 68:

ENSIGN RANDY: Hey ladies...I see you still use floppys. Wanna try a hard drive?

 

[highlander]

Ensign La Douche: "I see you ladies like the Commodore 64. Wanna go back to my quarters and up grade to the 69?"

 

[Shatmandu]

Lt. Nerdlinger: "The rash cleared up. So, can we do it again?"

Kirk: "This the report from the Fourth of July?"
McCoy: "Yep. Scotty lost another finger to an M-80, and Chekov has third-degree burns on his anus, testicles, and buttocks."
Kirk: "Jumping over the bonfire?"
McCoy: "Nope: he passed out, so they shot bottle rockets out his ass for five hours. Called them 'butt'ole rockets.'"

 

[Shatmandu]

McCoy: "I think they've covered everything. We got fisting, right?"
Kirk: "Not that I remember. Got gerbils, roofies, Carl, porn, STDs, Uhura's giant bush ..."
Uhura, off-screen: "HEY!"
Kirk (continuing): "... Sulu is gay, Scotty's a drunken pervert, Charlene Masters is a funky soul sista or a prostitute, lots of bad pickup lines from the redshirt, ... Hmmm: spanking?"
McCoy: "Nope, no spanking. No fisting, no spanking."
Kirk: "It's Sunday night. One full day left, plus Tuesday morning."
McCoy: "Oh, they'll get to it ..."

 

[Rat Boy]

McCoy: "I think they've covered everything. We got fisting, right?"
Kirk: "Not that I remember. Got gerbils, roofies, Carl, porn, STDs, Uhura's giant bush ..."
Uhura, off-screen: "HEY!"
Kirk (continuing): "... Sulu is gay, Scotty's a drunken pervert, Charlene Masters is a funky soul sista or a prostitute, lots of bad pickup lines from the redshirt, ... Hmmm: spanking?"
McCoy: "Nope, no spanking. No fisting, no spanking."
Kirk: "It's Sunday night. One full day left, plus Tuesday morning."
McCoy: "Oh, they'll get to it ..."

I smell a challenge!

Lt. Waldo (thinking): Don't stare at the white chick's beaver. Don't stare at the white chick's very exposed beaver...

McCoy: "Sorry, Jim. You need to be more careful around people with Rigellian crotch rot."

Meanwhile, back at C4...

Carl Spock: "Easy, easy, DJ. Running Spock gave him a case of Orion anal warts."

Diamond Jim: "Well, in that case, I suppose RS had it coming."

Carl Spock: "You have no idea, brother."

 

[Shatmandu]

McCoy: "Chapel called in sick with a bad back and strained neck, and I just treated Spock for rug burns on his knees, elbows, and the tops of his feet."
Kirk: "Jeez."

Charlene: "No thanks: I had the shrimp platter for lunch, needledick."

 

[Outpost4]

Lt. Randy: Poised and ready, Mistress Masters.
Masters: Check one off.
Ensign Boobies: Yup...fisting's next.

 

[Sir Rhosis]

[

Lt. Randy: Wait a minute. . . two girls, two cups?

 

[Sir Rhosis]

Lt. Randy: Poised and ready, Mistress Masters.
Masters: Check one off.
Ensign Boobies: Yup...fisting's next.
She says, curling her right hand into the familiar position.

All we have to do is add a bit to your caption and we're there. So read it again.

 

[Sir Rhosis]

[

Charlene: Get yo skinny white ass over to the next table and play you some 4-Dimensional Crackers. . . uh, checkers!

Okay, I'm done.

 

[Rat Boy]

Masters: "I'll show you my fist, all right...going right into your chin!"

 

[Triskelion]

Lt Jimmy Dean: See? I told you I was clean. No STD's on the machine, ladies. Are you ready to go subspace snorkeling with a freaky redshirt?

Ensign Coy: I think you forgot your snorkel, sugar.
Ensign Desperate: Oh poop, I forgot to plug in the detector.

It doesn't matter how hard you stare at that report, Captain. Uhura saw you staring up her skirt plain as day.

It was a setup, Bones. I'm not embarrassed. I'm just trying to get the image of burnt scrambled eggs out of my mind.

 

[Rat Boy]

McCoy: "You've got to check this one out, Jim."

Kirk: "Oh, a catfight!"

Scotty: "Catfight?"

McCoy: "Catfight!"

 

[Shatmandu]

Lt. Keebler: "If you ladies would like to join me, I'll be retiring to my qu-"
Uhura, over intercom: "Red Alert, Red Alert. Lt. Keebler to Transporter Room for Landing Party with Captain Kirk ..."
Lt. Keebler, falling to knees and sobbing: "No! Not me! I'm so young! No! No, no, no, no ..."
Charlene: "Pussy."
Lt. Keebler, now banging head on floor: "... no, no, no, no ..."