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TOS Caption Contest #95 - Killing Mercy

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Kirk: "We live in a bloody swamp. We need all the land we can get."
Spock: "But I don't like her. "
Kirk: "Don't like her? What's wrong with her? She's beautiful, she's rich, she's got huge... tracts of land."
 
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Kirk: "Why do we always do what you want on our vacations?"
Spock: "You know I love Renaissance Faires."
Kirk: "I know you love them. But what about what I want?"
Spock: "Here we go again ..."
Kirk: "I never should have married you! <runs away, awkwardly, like girl>"
 
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Kor: Klingon women would laugh at you.
Kirk: Your wife did not laugh.
(And thus began the first Federation/Klingon war.)

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Gentlemen, if I had known you were all members of TrekBBS I would have brought sombreros.
 
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Shatner:"I just had the strangest daydream ... they were making a Star Trek movie without me ... <sobs>"

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Kirk: "All right, fuckers, which one of you is Rat Boy?"


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Kirk: "They make us do unspeakable things to each other. Spock was given a common name, an afro, and a job either selling women for sex or being an undercover police official."
Kor: "Not so bad."
Kirk: "I'm a self-buggering pederast."
Kor: "Not so bad."
Kirk: "You've been looking at my penis for five pages."
Kor: "AN OUTRAGE! THE HIGH COMMAND WILL HEAR OF THIS! BLOOD WILL FLOW!"
 
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Rat Boy: "He went that way."

Kirk: "Thanks!"

*runs off*

Rat Boy: "Schmuck."


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Robin Hood Kirk: "See yon rich unwary traveler? I'll rob him of his gold, and give it to some poor unworthy slob. That'll prove that I'm Robin Hood, hmm? Prithy, hmm?"
 
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Kor: "At least I'm not wearing tights!"


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Kor: "Those fools! They said you were hung!"

Kirk: "And they were right."
 
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"My name is Kor Montoya. I'm looking for the four-fingered Terran who killed my father. Prepare to DIE."

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"...no, SERIOUSLY!

It's this long!

What do I have to do...pull it out and show you gentlemen?"
 
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"Say whatever you want about these Organian outfits, Spock...

but you have to admit: your nugget pouch has rarely felt more comfortable!"
 
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KOR:"Does my baldric turn you on, Organian?


It should. And by the end of this day...by Kahless's sword...it WILL."
 
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KOR: Kirk, you fool! They're called Organians--not Orgasmians!


Later that day...

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KIRK: We were apparently misinformed, Spock.
 
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Kang: But you told me the fake tan and overly-stylized facial hair would lure in an Orion Slave Girl! Liar! You're just keeping them all to yourself!
Kirk: It worked for me on Wrigley's Pleasure Planet, I swear!



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Kirk:But if the Organians don't know what a rice picker is, how are we going to explain your ears?
 
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