TOS Caption Contest #61 - Borgas Rat edition

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Spock: "Sneaking out in the middle of the night, Captain?"
Kirk: "Shit Spock! Don't do that! you scared me out of my wits."
Spock: "So did you..."
Kirk: "Yeah..."
Spock: "Was it hard?"
Kirk: "Don't want to talk about it. Shit I feel unclean. I'm going to be in the sonic shower for days. Ugghh!"
Spock: "I have to be certain Captain. History depends on it."
Kirk: "Yes dammit, I did it. I fucked her. There, satisfied. After all you said that I was my own great-great-great..."
Spock: "I was just playing Captain. I bet McCoy 20 credits that you'd do it."

 

[Outpost4]

(voice over) Hello, I'm Chris Hansen and this week on To Catch a Predator...

 

[John Picard]

Outpost4 said:

Religion in the 23rd century was a cross between the Unitarians and Jehovah's Witnesses: people wandering about, knocking on doors, but not quite sure why.

WINNER!!!

 

[Outpost4]

Nah, just another old joke, recycled for the caption contest.

But thanks. It is an excellent old joke.

 

[Woulfe]

Kirk oftened wondered why everyone was leaning when clearly the Man With No Neck was saying that it was a JUMP to the left, then a step to the right.....

Kirk : Now remember Spock, when they open the door say "Trick Or Treat"

Spock : But Halloween was last month.

Kirk : I know but we didn't have this photo last month.

Spock : I see.

 

[cooleddie74]

SPOCK:"NO, Jim!!!

Mister Sulu had an accident in your chair...wait!!!"

KIRK:"According to the ship's historical databank, late 20th century Earth salesmen were notoriously unable to sell encyclopedias or something called 'Amway.'

Better let me do all the talking. We'll be Jehovah's Witnesses. THAT'LL guarantee we'll get inside!"

 

[Alyssa]

^

 

[cooleddie74]

When the bridge is a-rockin', no Romulan bitch better come knockin'.

"When she opens the door, Spock, flash our fake police badges and tell her we need to conduct a full-body cavity search!"

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "God, what the hell did Rand put in the coffee this morning?"

Spock: "I believe I may have made a mistake in selecting my head wear."

Kirk: "Oh?"

Spock: "Three people on the way here kept calling me a 'goddamn pinko commie.'"

 

[cooleddie74]

"Did you remember to bring the copies of THE WATCHTOWER, Spock? This has to appear genuine!"

 

[Rat Boy]

Diamond Jim: "What kind of ridiculous hat is that?"

Carl Spock: "The only kind that can fit all my hair, honky."

 

[Nerys Myk]

SPOCK: "And what if this 'Gene Roddenberry' person is not home?"

KIRK: "He has to be!!! The future! Our future depends on it!"

 

[Outpost4]

It was a mistake to let a drunk Scotty drive everyone home from the bar.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Suddenly, crippling boneitis strikes the whole Bridge crew.

Jim: "Yeah, Krelin? We found one of your hats."
Carl Spock: "This hat does nto attract the bitches, not even Mother Fuckin' Russia."

 

[Rat Boy]

Diamond Jim: "You know, this totally ain't cool, man."

Spock: "Be quiet or I shall use this phaser. I have orders to bring Carl's stash back to the Enterprise."


***Later***

Kirk: "Wow, that's some good shit!"

 

[Valin]

Kirk: "12B or not 12B? That is the question."
Spock: "Captain, you shouldn't have read Shakespeare in the orginal Klingon."

 

[Captain Ice]

Spock: Follow instructions and no one gets hurt, Captain.

 

[Nerys Myk]

SPOCK: You are sure this is the address for the "Swingers Meeting"?

 

[The Old Mixer]

"I don't like it either, Spock, but our orders are clear--Bones1864 must be stopped."

 

[Gertch]

Spock: "Is something wrong Captain?"
Kirk: "Some practical joker put Superglue on the button."

Spock could see it was too late to warn the crew of the Doctors mischief with the Superglue.