TOS Caption Contest #48: Spock Grokking

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Spock: "I wasn't aware that human females could get pregnant from Vulcans by deep-throating. Regardless Lieutenant, that was Carl, not I."

McCoy: "Of all the irresponsible, foolish... Uhura is having pointy-eared sextuplets you know? You and that bifurcated dick! Blame it on Carl! As if that would wash!"

Spock: "No, Doctor, you can't borrow the 'fro"

McCoy: "Shit!"

 

[Hambone]

Uhura: So you just "borrowed" it?
Spock: Yes, the low "A" string is required for the Vulcan lyre to be played most effectively.
Uhura: But Mr. Spock, I wish you would have asked me first!
Spock: In lieu of an actual "A" string, the underwire from the left cup of your brassiere was the only logical substitute.
Uhura: I know, but really...!
Spock: I shall return it following this set.
Uhura: Okay, I can hold "Lefty" in place with my hand until then...but next time, please ask.
Spock's lyre: "TWAAAANNNG!"
Spock: The "A" string has broken again...Miss Uhura, may I borrow...
Uhura: *sigh*

 

[Shatmandu]

McCoy: "Boy, Jim sure likes it when she puts her fingers up his butt, huh?"

Spock stares intently.

 

[The Squire of Gothos]

Finally sick of the bifuricated bragging, McCoy lists various Vulcan STD's from the trans-species database.

 

[scottydog]

Spock: But sometimes 'having' is MORE pleasing than 'wanting'.

Uhura: Cut the bull. You're not nuzzling into my cleavage.

 

[Shatmandu]

Spock, rapping: "Captain Kirk, it is my perk, to be the pivotboy at yer circle jerk . . ."

 

[Shatmandu]

McCoy: "Yes, I do have to tug on your testicles when you take a dump. Doctor's orders!"

Nimoy: "So, in your dream, forty years from now, I'm dead and you're taking pictures of fat women?"

Kelley: "Yep. Wanna trade?"

Nimoy: "No chance."

 

[Outpost4]

Uhura: You want to pluck my G-string?

 

[Outpost4]

McCoy: But damn it, Spock, you're spying on a Boy Scout camp!

 

[scottydog]

"You're NOT hiding Bill's bike in my cleavage!"

 

[Outpost4]

McCoy: I never knew vegetarians hunted for their food.

 

[Noname Given]

Uhura: "15 credits."

Mr. Spock: "15 credits buku money, 5 credits."

Uhura: "Me soo horny. Me love you too much. 10 credits."

(With apologies to the late Stanley Kubrick)

 

[cooleddie74]

]

"Last time I let you talk me into spending my shore leave on a jungle planet full of toxic weeds and villagers with cotton ball hair and TV rabbit ears comin' out of their skulls..."

 

[cooleddie74]

SPOCK:"Our copy of GUITAR HERO is not functioning correctly. We may have to go on without it."

UHURA:"NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"

 

[scottydog]

McCoy: How long are you going to stare at Tarzan?

Spock: As long as he remains bare-chested.

 

[cooleddie74]

"Well, Spock...you FOUND the giant gorilla the natives were talking about...now HOW are you gonna get it onto the ship and back to Earth?"

 

[The Squire of Gothos]

McCoy; Spock quit it, you've lost three red shirts to that damned "its vision is based on movement" crap, you're next unless we beam up.

 

[The Squire of Gothos]

The decoy was a win win device, Carl could smoke himself stupid in his cabin, McCoy could claim another argument won.

 

[Nerys Myk]

McCoy: "I'm Popeye the Sailor Man..."

 

[Shatmandu]

Spock, in Bitter Dregs-mode: "I'll tarry not, I shall be quick . . . I'll open your hailing frequencies with my big, forked dick . . . my big, forked dick . . . my big, forked dick . . . Oh, I'll open your hailing frequencies with my big, forked dick."