Contest: ENTER TOS Caption Contest #302: Obsessive Captioning

[LeadHead]

Hello and welcome to the new contest!

First up to the plate, we have the "Failed Assignment" Award, going to Nebusj for:

Spock: ``The signal faded out before the disk jockey named the song, Captain.''
Kirk: ``Not good enough, Mister Spock.''


Next, we have the "Bad Picnic" Award, going to MGagen for:

Scotty: Uggggh! Me haggis is curdling.

Chekov: Keptain, I tink I'm going to blow chow!

Kirk: Gentlemen, next time we have a picnic on a tropical planet, let's remember to refrigerate the mayonnaise...


Next, we have the "Carl Spock Cover-up" Award, going to Triskelion for:

Kirk: I'm telling you, Mister Spock would never wear an afro that size. You must be mistaken.
Spock: Word.



Next, we have the "Kirk's okay with that" Award, going to T'Girl for:

Kirk: "Has your Queen made a decision yet."
Guard: "Yes, you are to be released ... but first Snu Snu."



Next, we have the "Illogical Weakness" Award, going to Maurice for:

BONES: Luckily, I'm not ticklish.
SPOCK: Uh oh...

Our Tribbles Award goes to bbjeg for:

Guard: These uniforms were designed so no species would find us threatening.
Kirk: It works.


Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

And now, we take on the Dikeronium Cloud Creature and caption "Obsession!"

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Spock: An interesting material Captain. Disco-Ballium.

Garrovick: Scans show negative, Captain. Captain?

Kirk: Sorry, just reading my horoscope. "You will be the only one to return from this landing party."

Kirk: Uhura, are you and Spock dating?

McCoy: (reading) Cultural Sensitivity Training?

Chapel: You apparently said "green blooded" and "pointy eared" one too many times.

Spock: Beaming down my Mother's Day gifts now.

Scotty and McCoy: Uh-oh.

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Spock: "Someone has shrunk, and metallized my 'fro!"
Kirk: "It's a prank, Spock. Practical humour. It's as if someone hung your bike from the rafters."
Spock: "Illogical, as Vulcans do not ride bicycles."
Kirk: "What about T'Pring?"
Spock: "Point taken."

Kirk: "Do you smell something sickly sweet, like honey?"
Garrovick: "That would be my shampoo, it conditions right down to the scalp."
Kirk: "Starfleet General Order 143..."
Garrovick: "Crew members are prohibited from using Timotei on account of confusing and scaring the crap out of Captain Kirk..."
Kirk: "You're on report, Mister!"

Kirk: "Why isn't anyone in my chair?"
Uhura: "We all have duties, sir."
Kirk: "You know that cold faux leather gives my hiney piles. Someone should be warming my seat at all times."

McCoy: "Where's Chekov? He's missed his last five physicals. This is getting ridiculous."
Chapel: "He said that in Mother Russia, doctors do not keep the skulls of dead patients on the wall, and he's not coming in until they go."
McCoy: "Not my skulls! It's an old country doctor tradition, going back to my ever so many times great grandfather Hannibal."

Scott: "Scotty to Captain, we've had a slight glitch beaming up Sulu, Chekov and the botanical samples."
McCoy: "They're never gonna believe this back at Starfleet Medical!"
.... "Call me Sukov..."

 

[Leviathan]

Chapel: So you're not going to explain the skulls?
McCoy: Quiet. I'm being sued for hunting a lion...

 

[jep]

Spock: "Apparently, we have had a transporter malfunction. That's not the Captain... that's...that's..."

Scotty: "Lindsay Lohan!"

McCoy: "Space herpes!!! Run for your lives!"


.

 

[Nerys Myk]

KIRK: Hold my calls.
UHURA: Say what?

 

[Nerys Myk]

MCCOY: I wish these things had labels. I don't know if this contains the cure for xeno-streptococcal pneumonia or one of my daughter's mix tapes.

 

[A beaker full of death]

 

[Maurice]

BONES: Vile!
CHAPEL: (hands it to him) Here's the vial, Doctor.
BONES: No, no. Not "vial"; I said "vile!"
CHAPEL: That's what I gave you!

 

[tharpdevenport]

Kirk: "Scotty, we've arrived on the hostile planet with potentially poisonous air, deadly plants, and mystery deaths. Switch out Dr. McCoy for a redshirt."

Scott: "Aye, sir."

McCOY BEAMS AWAY AND A REDSHIRT REPLACES HIM.

Kirk: "Now switch out Mr. Spock for a redshirt."

Scott: "Aye, sir."

THE SAME AGAIN

[n]Kirk:[/b] "Okay, I think it's safe for me, I mean, US to proceed now....."

 

[Triskelion]

T4TW Leadhead!

Spock: I miss Uhura.
Kirk: TMI !!!

Redshirt: Should we tell Ensign Bucky to shake the bush so we know he's all right?
Kirk: Wait for it....
<scream>

Uhura: Uh uh, you ain't getting my guy's number.
Scotty: I told you it wasn't the ship's barber, sir!

Bones: "Omega IV Virus Cure"? How'd this get in here? <tosses it> I've got business interests to protect!
Chapel: Sorrry, Doctor. So, waiting room is full. Ready for lunch?

Kirk: Very funny. Now beam me back again and this time keep my ass fat in my ass and out of my bosom. OK gentlemen?
Scotty: I cannae look away!

 

[f14peter]

SHATNER: " Say Nichelle, I noticed you had the shrimp salad for lunch, how was it? "

NICHOLS: " YOU CAN BLOW THAT MUTHA-&^&%$ING BULL-#@& HOWZ YA LUNCH SHUGGA DUMB-&%^4 RIGHT OUTCHA MUTHA-#$&*#^ STUPID #$$*&! KISS MY &#*&! "

-- DEAD SILENCE --

SHATNER: " Whoa! What the- "

NICHOLS: " Sorry Bill, I'm auditioning for a part in the film Truck Turner next week and was going over my read ... guess I got a little too deep into character "

 

[Hutchy01]

Uhura: Captain, you may have got with the rest of the universe but you ain't getting with me!

 

[TrickyDickie]

Kirk: "That's the largest brillo pad that I've ever seen!"
Spock: "And Doctor McCoy says you have seen a great many."

 

[TrickyDickie]

Kirk: "Do you smell something sickly-sweet, like honey?"
Garrovick: "Should we be on the lookout for a cereal killer?"

 

[TrickyDickie]

Chapel: "An excellent example of Neanderthal Man."
McCoy: "They say a disgruntled voter did it, but I think his sons got bored one day...."

 

[TrickyDickie]

Kirk: "Caught writing love notes again, Uhura?"
Scotty: "Och, the lass has a wonderful sense o' stylus!"

 

[TrickyDickie]

McCoy: "My God, Spock, we've actually beamed up The Energizer Bunny!"
Spock: "Fascinating."
Scotty: "Well....the batteries are about needin' to be replaced...."

 

[JonnyQuest037]

Despite his emerging leg cramps, Ensign Ricky kept on kneeling silently in the background. He wondered how long he could hold his position before Kirk and Spock realized he was just trying to keep his face in the shot.

"I'm sorry, Captain. My tricorder detects that there aren't any of these sweet black belts left for you."

Once again, the Blueshirt Team won the Enterprise's Annual "Hide and Seek" Championship, continuing their unbroken winning streak from 2263.

"YES!!! I just won another lot of alien skulls on eBay! Thanks, SquireTrelane@27thCentury!"

"Transporter Room to Captain Kirk: We've scanned the entire ship twice over, and we still can't find any trace of that food slot from 'Tomorrow is Yesterday.'"

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

McCoy: It's a very nice likeness of me, Nurse, but my nose isn't that big.
Chapel: You try micro-etching for the first time and see how easy it is.