TOS Caption Contest #285: The Galileo Caption

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone, time for a new contest!

First up to the plate, we have the "Fresh wine" Award, going to:

Sarek: Enjoy the wine, Kirk. I stomped the grapes myself.

...

This morning.

Next, we have the "New Equipment" Award, going to:

Redshirt #1: "So, this is the new 'Redshirt Lounge', eh? How come I hadn't heard of this being on the ship, and why is the entrance locked, with a Red blinking light above the door."

Redshirt #2: "Don't know. The instructions say we need to wait until the blinking stops; and the doors open. Then we can go in."

Redshirt #1: "Who in the hell designs a lounge like that?"

Redshirt #2: "They say Star Fleet got the design from a Mr. Anan 7 of Eminiar VII."

Next, we have the "Risky Wager" Award, going to:

Uhura: "Bridge to Engineering. Acting Captain Scott orders Acting Chief Engineer Kirk to perform a full engine plasma flush."
Kirk: "That wasn't part of the bet!"

Next, we have the "Hey, that's Spocks mom you're talking about!" Award, going to:

Spock: Your new nurse, doctor.
McCoy: She looked younger in her online profile!

Next, we have the "Oh, sooooo close!" Award, going to:

``If he stays off the bridge just a couple more seconds I'll have Shatner entirely written out of the script.''

Our photoshop award, goes to:

KIRK: Whoa, brain freeze!

SAREK: I was unaware it had thawed.

KIRK: Huh?

SAREK: Precisely.

Red Shirt #3: "Did anyone actually ask what the Captain meant by 'target practice'?"

Thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

And now, we caption "The Galileo Seven!"

 

[LeadHead]

Kirk: We have moved past he Styrofoam of the 20th Century, now we paint it gray.

Spock: The trail of breadcrumbs ends here. Anyone know how to get back to the shuttle?

Spock: Wow! That creature is huge! We're ready to launch, right Mister Scott? Mister Scott?

Kellowitz: Captain, it was awful down there.

Kirk: What was down there? Giant monsters? Poisoned Atmosphere?

Kellowitz: No booze!

Kirk: It's worse than I thought.

McCoy: Jim, have you noticed that you, me and Spock are the only people who aren't mysteriously on some other job every week?

 

[BoredShipCapt'n]

McCoy: "Yeoman Mears? Well, Jim, my medical exam is confidential of course, but let's just say I hope you're fond of shellfish."

Ferris: "Now, a clever man would put the poison into his own cup, because he would know that only a great fool would reach for what he was given..."

When things got slow on alien planets, the landing party would make abstract phaser etchings in the soil.

Boma: "Is it a giraffe?"

McCoy: "A paramecium!"

Spock: *sigh*

Scotty: "Borgas frat! This isnae the cludgie after all!"

Kelowitz: "If it makes things any better, sir, I hit the Klingons after they insulted you."

 

[Nerys Myk]

MCCOY: How about you send me and Mears on a little getaway?

KIRK: Done.

ENSIGN BERT: Chimney's all clean, Guv'nah!

SPOCK: The good news is we found found Bigfoot. The bad news is has found us.

SCOTTY: The cat was right, you can watch them from here.

 

[Nerys Myk]

FERRIS: Quit your bitching, Kirk. Starships don't grow on trees, we need sponsors

 

[Jonas Grumby]

TFTW, LeadHead!

McCoy: "No, I'm pretty sure it's not Yeoman Mears. I mean, I haven't actually examined her feet in detail, but I still think I would have noticed if..."

Scotty: "Suck in yer gut, Gaetano! If ye canna squeeze in through this floor hatch, ye'll have t' crawl out from under the shuttle and try t' make it to the main entry doors!"
Spock: "I wouldn't advise that right now!"

Crewman: "Does it really look that bad, Captain? I mean, you know how these things shrink when we wash 'em."

McCoy: "Who are you sendin' with us as yeoman on the Murasaki survey?"
Kirk: "Mears."
McCoy: "I'll give you ten credits to swap her out for Tonia Barrows."

 

[jep]

Spock: "It appears to be a form of hydrocarbon."

McCoy: "Nice shooting, Jed."



.

 

[Maurice]

GOLDSKIRT: Would either of you like another cup of coffee?
FERRIS: I will, but Jim won't.
KIRK: I think I will have another cup of coffee.
FERRIS: (thinking) Jim never has a second cup at home.

NIMOY: "In Search Of...Bigfoot"
DE: Knock it off, Lenny!

SCOTT: I've found the problem, sir.
SPOCK: Which is?
SCOTT: That Boma is an arse.
BOMA: Hey!

KIRK: Kellowitz, when I said "fire" I meant the weapons!
KELLOWITZ: Ooops. My bad.

BONES: And that's when Latimer got the point.
KIRK: Bones...
BONES: Too soon?

 

[2takesfrakes]

"That's right, Kirk, our number's come up for this week's random urinalysis test. To make sure there's no 'cheating,' this lovely yeoman will be there to witness it. As you can see, the sample containers aren't very large. I, myself, will have to try to remember to not overflow mine, this time ..."

 

[Alrik]

Thanks for The TCA!!!

And now you know.

McCoy: "Replace him with Chekov? The Russian kid running the bowling alley?"

Kirk: "He has my full confidence. He bowled Khan 2 for 2 before that whole trying to take over the ship mess. Plus the chicks dig him. Think Bones. Bridge Crew parties."

McCoy: "Right. Do it."

 

[Nerys Myk]

MCCOY: So, should I make the borderline racist joke about Spock this time or should you?

 

[Armored Saint]

KELLEY: Hey Bill, do you know that Blackburn will have to laugh with us in the final scene?
SHATNER: Nooooo! I hope it'll be not too complicated for him.
BLACKBURN: I heard you!

KELLOWITZ: It's a real massacre Captain! They put cheap CGI everywhere.

BONES: So Jim, what do you think of Hadley?
KIRK: Your recommandation of hiring a mute navigator was just perfect!

 

[Alrik]

Kirk: "And then *giggle* and then you convince him, once he's in command, that he has to put on my ass-less chaps."

McCoy: "And you?"

Kirk: "If you make it happen? I'll probably be on all fours, busting a gut and sounding like a drunken horse."

McCoy: "Knowing you, you'll probably have a midget on your back and trying to lock lips with Uhura."

Kirk: "You're right. This can't end well."

 

[Alrik]

Spock: "Your assessment Mr Scott."

Scotty: "Coolant leak Mr Spock. But I think I can seal it and re-rout what we need from the starboard nacelle."

Spock: "So, your status report is?"

Scotty: "Aye, the beer cooler will be just fine."

Spock: "A miracle worker, indeed."

 

[Mistral]

"Make...your own kind of music..."

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Ferris: "Wow! Sugartits here sure can't pour a decent cup of coffee. Must be good in bed, huh, Jimmy boy?"
Kirk: "Uhura, you've got the Universal Translator stuck in Mel Gibson mode."
Uhura os: "The UT isn't activated, sir."
Yeoman slaps Ferris

McCoy: "Cat turd?"
Boma: "Cat turd."
Spock: "Felis catus excreta."

Scott: "Why are there tribbles humping in my engine compartment...? That damn Korax!"

Kellowitz: "I'm sorry sir, the Road Runner keeps getting away!"

McCoy: "I've completed the female crew complement physicals. Five pregnancies this month. Two of them are Spock's, three of them are Chekov's. You're in the clear. But Starfleet's gonna think we have a problem."
Kirk: "None of them were mine? Wait... Chekov?"

 

[Armored Saint]

FERRIS: WHAT THAT NOISE!?!? IT'S HER PONY TAIL! STOP IT!
KIRK: Captain's Log, supplemental...the Federation must stop to recruit its officials near the Klingon border.

 

[2takesfrakes]

Bones: "The Galileo has landed."
Spock: "Magnificent desolation ..."
Scotty: "The Galileo's footpads are only depressed in the surface about one or two inches. although the surface appears to be very, very fine grained, like a powder ..."

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Scotty: "I'm afraid we're stranded, Mr. Spock."
Spock: "Not to worry. Here come some of the natives to give us a hand! Big, furry, jolly-looking fellows!"

 

[CaptainBearclaw]

KIRK: Get me out of here!