TOS Caption Contest #280: The Ultimate Caption

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone, sorry for the long delay, lost track of how many weeks it had been, you know, several times.

First up to the plate, we have the "Not the best crossover" Award, going to:

UHURA: I'm detecting a signal from the planet Preplanis.
KIRK: On audio, Lieutenant.
DR. SMITH'S VOICE: What "I" have done? Now you listen to me, you ungrateful wretch. You will erase that from your memory banks. He must never know we were responsible.
KIRK: No intelligent life there.
SPOCK: Indeed.

Next, we have the "Strange New Worlds" Award, going to:

The atmosphere of planet Cannabis420 was having an intoxicating effect on the entire landing party. Kirk also had a major case of 'the munchies'.

Next, we have the "Internal Conflicts" Award, going to:

SHATNER: Jimmy. George. Let's not be hasty. I'm sure we can throw a few more lines your way

Next, we have the "Mistaken Identity" Award, going to:

Kirk: Bones?

Spock: He's dead, Jim.

Next, we have the "Sweet, Sweet Vengeance" Award, going to:

Shatner: "My God! Is that my Corvette suspended up there?!"
Nimoy: "Payback's a bitch, Bill."

Shatner: "Bravo! Bravo!"

Doohan: "Applause isn't enough. We want opening credits."

Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to all of our winners!

And now, new contest!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Computer: Now arriving at Deck 5, Sickbay, Auxiliary control, Captain Kirk's quarters, Commander Spock's Quarters, Doctor McCoy's Quarters....

McCoy: Would you just open the darn door already?!

Sulu: Reading space traffic ahead, Captain. I don't think we're going to make it to the dinner party at Starbase 4!

Chekov: C'mon spaceamazon, you said they would've been delivered by now...

Wesley: For the last time I have no relation to Lieutenant Commander Giotto!

Kirk: Well gentlemen, we have completed our holiday shopping.

McCoy: When are we gonna do the wrapping?

pause

Kirk: Crap.

 

[BoredShipCapt'n]

TFTW, LeadHead!

Bones: "I'm all right, Jim. It's just that his driving always makes me queasy."

Kirk: "I'm all right, Bones. It's just that his driving always makes me queasy."

Chekov: "Keptin, ve have passed Blinky and are closing in on Clyde."

Wesley: "For crying out loud, Jim, don't your people know how to party? Half our bridge crew over here are drunker than a Denebian swamp weasel!"

Kirk: "Yes, gentlemen, I got a look in Uhura's diary."

Bones: "Yes, and?"

Spock: "I am, quite obviously, all ears."

Kirk: "Spock, you get a mention on page 28. I'm pretty much everywhere. Bones, ... sorry."

 

[Jonas Grumby]

TFTW, LeadHead!

Nimoy (sotto voce): "Hey! Noobies! Don't look at the camera!"

 

[Nerys Myk]

WESLEY: Damn it, Kirk. I don't care how many women you jilt on your ship, but leave my crew women alone!

 

[FormerLurker]

Kirk: There was something more wrong with that breakfast than the bacon this morning.

Spock: Indeed.

McCoy: You feeling all right?

Kirk: I got gas, real bad.

Sulu: Gas? Doesn't this ship use antimatter?

Chekov: I have found someplace to vent your gas, Keptin.

Commodore Wesley: My God, Kirk! A little warning next time! We were right next to that when it blew!

Kirk: Well, gentlemen, another mission successfully completed.

McCoy: And no casualties. At least, not on our ship.

 

[CaptainBearclaw]

KIRK:You have the strangest of vacations, Mr. Sulu.

 

[BoredShipCapt'n]

Sulu: "I don't understand it, sir. This scene isn't on the ViewMaster reel."

Kirk: (thinking) "I should never have given him that thing..."

 

[Nerys Myk]

SULU: I don't know, Captain. That kid looks a lot like you.

MCCOY: I'll just head down to sickbay and warm up the genetic testing program.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Commodore Wesley: Jim! Help us! There's a virus infiltrating our environmental systems, it's making all the bridge crew do the tango!

 

[Maurice]

Thanks for the win!

BONES: Get your paws off me, Jim. Do I look like a Yeoman?

SULU: I wonder what that thing is.
KIRK: If only there were some kind of magical device at hand which you could look into to get the answers.
SULU: That would be awesome, right?

CHEKOV: The tractor beam is coupled to the main reactor in seven locations. A power loss at vun of the terminals vill allow the ship to leave.
SCOTTY: Just which plans are you looking at, laddie?

WESLEY: Jim! Stop firing! I'll give you the damned tall chair back!

KIRK: So, any sign of my not-so-little black book?
BONES: Nope.
SPOCK: Actually...
UHURA: Hush your mouth!

 

[Smellincoffee]

Sulu: Oh, my!
Kirk: If he says that one more time --

Chekov: Almost there.....almost there...URA! Level 25!
Kirk: If you're finished with your game, navigator, we have a ship to fly.

 

[Nerys Myk]

SULU: From this angle we can see right up Apollo's skirt!

 

[BoredShipCapt'n]

SULU: From this angle we can see right up Apollo's skirt!

UHURA: Doctor, am I seeing things or does he have an extra organ?

 

[Armored Saint]

SULU: You're all....welcome to...David Marcus 7th birthday...if you are his dad...don't send again...Harry Mudd or Cyrano Jones as clown.......move your ass...we are in this space station...just in front of you.
BONES: Jim, I'm just a country doctor, but....

 

[Noname Given]

Commodore Wesley: "Dammit Jim! you guys totally side-swipped my port nacelle! Twenty-Third century political correctness aside, those Asian drivers are ALWAYS the same!"

 

[Armored Saint]

WESLEY: Jim, why the hell didn't you tell me about this virus? Don't you see my bridge officers currently doing anal toying?

 

[Maurice]

Commodore Wesley: "Dammit Jim! you guys totally side-swipped my port nacelle! Twenty-Third century political correctness aside, those Asian drivers are ALWAYS the same!"

I'll take PC over race jokes any day.

 

[Mistral]

De: "Say, Bill, isn't that your Vette?"

 

[Captain Crow]

Spock: Jim, I do not believe your "Condescending Back Rub Kirk" meme will catch on.