TOS Caption Contest #261, WAIT!!

[MANT!]

So with further delay,

THE WINNAHS!!

SPOCK: Wait...the Charles Bronson?

LEILA: Yes.

SPOCK: See ya, Gotta go!!!

Kirk: "You seem to be amused."
Marlena: "You seem to think that's a Bloody Mary."

Spock (thinking): "At least before he took them to his quarters, now he has the crew bringing his bed right into the transporter room."

McCoy: "Come along Dr. Cochrane, I don't think you want to see this."

Kirk: So tell me, Great Woman of Amazonia, about this Snu-Snu...

Now on to the next...

Have FUN!

 

[Nerys Myk]

KIRK: How was I to know she was your girl!!!!!????

KIRK: Sorry Jean-Luc, I've talked with your lawyer, the case is air tight.

KIRK: Hey, nobody said there'd be a floor show!

 

[BoredShipCapt'n]

Kirk: "Thanks, Ruk, but it's not necessary. I can see into her outfit from any angle."

 

[BoredShipCapt'n]

Uhura: "And another thing... the next time you borrow my earpiece, wipe that green Vulcan wax of yours off!"

 

[BoredShipCapt'n]

Kirk: "Let me get this straight, Mr. Atoz. After all that time and research, you chose a period in history when you'd be living in a damp cave lit by a Japanese lantern, cooking in a cauldron over a stone firepit, and sitting on an office chair covered in animal entrails? Why?"

Atoz: "It was an exceptional year for wine, Captain."

 

[BoredShipCapt'n]

Daniels: "Thanks, Bill. I'm really gonna miss you."
Theiss: "Hey, why should Shatner get all the good views?"

 

[BoredShipCapt'n]

Kirk: "Are you prepared to assume the office of Miss Starstrumpet should the reigning Miss Starstrumpet be unable to perform her duties?"

 

[BoredShipCapt'n]

Kara: "Our world is faced with a massive waste disposal crisis."
Kirk: "What do you want from us?"
Kara: "Spock's colon."

 

[CorporalCaptain]

Kirk: I'm happy to see you, too, Ruk.

Septimus: Do you like her, Captain?

Kirk: She's very nice.

Septimus: She's yours.

Kirk: So, let me get this straight. You come from a world ruled by women, in which men are kept as pets, and you want to steal what part of my science officer's anatomy?

Uhura: So, if I do agree to go out with you, what am I supposed to do for the other six years and eleven months out of seven?

 

[T'Girl]

Sulu: "Dear, absolutely no one is wear purple this year."

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Girl: "More wine, Captain?"
Kirk: "Um, sure. Now...what were we, uh, what were we talking about?"
Septimus: "Phasers, Captain. We were talking about how just a hundred or so of your phaser weapons could allow us to completely destroy the Empire."
Girl: "More wine, Captain?"

Uhura: "This is boring! Why can't we ever have a contest for new men's uniforms?"

Uhura: "No, I'm not sassy! I'm just drawn this way!"

 

[Alrik]

Sulu: "One question. Where did you find those 'to die for' go-go boots?"

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Sulu: "Whoa! That's not a camel toe! That's a camel tail!"

 

[Maurice]

KIRK: When I asked or a "lift" this wasn't what I had in mind!

SEPTIMUS: This is Tranya, I hope you...
KIRK: Whoa. LDS flashback.

UHURA: How does her top stay up?
KIRK: Better question, how do you make it go down?

UHURA: If you make another "brown eyes" crack I'm gonna hit you so hard the paint'll come off your cel.

 

[Classic Fan]

KIRK: Sorry Jean-Luc, I've talked with your lawyer, the case is air tight

Damn.I was going with a Jean Luc one. Lol. Never mind. Here it is anyway.

Kirk: "So. You've been sent here from the 24th century by this... Err...?"
Picard: "Q..."
Kirk: "to change future history for the better? Right. And you say that I have to die in 90 odd years saving your ass on a rusty metal walkway on a boring rock planet or this, err, nexus thing will destroy the universe?"
Picard: "That's right. You're a hero and you are remembered by everyone who..."
Kirk: "You're mistaken. I plan to be suffocated by the thighs of that lovely young lady I met on the bridge this morning. So, if you will excuse me..."

Earlier that day...:

"I am here for the one they call, Kirk. I have been sent here for an interview for a possible career as your new Yeoman."
Kirk: "My quarters. 20:00 hours. Bring hot wax, Romulan ale and cigarettes."

 

[Gil T.Azell]

KIRK: Hey, nobody said there'd be a floor show!

Sulu: " 'Ahem', your package is showing..."

 

[Nerys Myk]

Casting for the ship's production of The Rocky Horror Show was underway.

 

[LeadHead]

Thanks for the win!

Kirk: If this is your spot, we'll move on.

Andrea: He wants your obedience to the Brotherhood of Aliens.

Kirk: He's got it!

Septimus: It is a simple life here in the wilderness, but as hard as I try, there are problems. All of the young men have been taken to the arena, and my 23 granddaughters become more horny with every passing day.

Kirk: Sir, I think I'm the man who can solve your problems.

Spock: Mister Scott...

Scotty: Sorry, Sir, we beamed in the girl, but forgot about the giant Birthday Cake.

Uhura: Mister Spock! Are you making advances on me?

Spock: No.

Uhura: Why the hell not?

 

[CorporalCaptain]

Uhura: (gasp)

Spock: Fascinating.

Kirk: Scotty, did you beam her outfit up backwards?

Scott: Aye, that I did.

Kirk: Good work.

 

[DrBob]

Ruk: You call that a shoulder massage!

Kirk: Bean me!

Kirk: Hit the deck, its one of those Femmebots!