TOS Caption Contest #247: Life Of Riley!

[NathanielM]

Riley: What the hell, I got hair on my palms and I just shaved.

Sulu: You should try wanking off a little harder to scrape it off. Here I'll show you!

riley: <yelling> FREDZILLA FREDZILLA!

Gigolo Riley is out on the prowl....

Riley: Peekaboo!

Riley does his Fred Sanford impression. "Oh Elizabeth I'm coming!"

Kirk: Okay Lieutenant, grab it this way and we'll arm wrestle... winner gets to wrestle my green bitch in hot oil.

 

[inflatabledalek]

Riley: If you're happy and you know it clap your hands...

Riley: Hey look! In HD you can see the screens round the top of the bridge are just bits of paper with drawings on!

Riley: So it's a western in space? If I walk like a cowboy they might keep me on full time...

Riley: Errr... Doc, that skull, isn't it Lt. Smith? He only came in here for an ingrowing toenail!

William Shatner personally hunts down and kills every person on the internet who makes "wig" jokes at his expense.

Kirk: If you see a midget talking backwards, kill 'im.

Nimoy:Hey Gene, if I wear a helmet that covers them can I avoid the whole pointy ears thing?

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Sulu: "The whole fist?"
Riley: "Two. And still so loose I could clap my hands."

Riley: "I gotta booboo!"
Spock: "Uncle Spock will kiss it better."

Turbolift: "Deck 20, ship's toilet."
Riley: "Too late, take me to ship's laundry."

Riley: "This trick worked better with a mirror."

Riley singing: "I've got faith, of the heart..."
Kirk: "Shoot him men, no mercy!"

Kirk: "It's not the phaser. It's what's in your other hand that worries me."

GI Spock: "Whaddya mean Sulu's down here too."

Explosion in distance.

"Whoops!"

 

[Gary7]

Riley, the king of dry humor on the Enterprise, once again took 'hanging around' too literally

Riley: "Never fear, sheriff O'Riley's here, and I'm packin' the heat right here."

Spock: "You got my order? Good. And those fries better not be cooked in animal fat. I'm a vegetarian!"
Chekov: (on right, muttering to Sulu) "Spock's attempting another take-out order."
Sulu: (on left) "Surprising, considering our delivery address."

 

[Finn]

Spock: Hilfe! Ich bin hier, hinter den feindlichen Linien mit dem Arzt fest. Er ist verdammt ärgerlich!

 

[T'Girl]

Riley: "...and Vulcans, Vulcans should not look "made-up." Spock, you're wear too much eye shadow.

.

 

[Rulius]

What's the name of the show where Nimoy played a G.I.?

 

[Isis]

Hyde: "Thanks for the offer to shepherd my career, George, but you really need to watch out for yourself first. It's not like, say, in 45 years or so, you can expect some millionaire to just pick you off the street and put you on his reality show."

Riley: "Hey, I know you. You're that replacement guy on 'Mission Impossible.'"

Kirk (OS): "Riley, when I said "Space--the final frontier,' I didn't mean for crew members to take it so literally."

Riley (to self): "Who stocks these rest rooms anyway? Plenty of liquid soap, but no toilet paper to save your life."

 

[Gary7]

Hyde: "Uh, director? That stage hand goofed again, left all these spray bottles out for all to see."
Director: "CUT!! Takei? Get your ass in here!"

 

[Nerys Myk]

HYDE: Was that my cue?

DIRECTOR: Cut!!!!!!!!!

 

[Sir Rhosis]

What's the name of the show where Nimoy played a G.I.?

THE TWILIGHT ZONE -- "A Quality of Mercy"

Sir Rhosis

 

[jep]

Kirk: "OK, I've got him. Mr. Jones, what are you doing?"

Jones: "I've listened to this bastard for the last 12 hours. Time to turn him into my own personal Irish popsicle."

Kirk: "Make it hurt."


.

 

[Captain Tracy]

SPOCK: " Mr. Riley, while the Captain is absent, we are NOT playing TRUTH or DARE !!"

KIRK: Mr. Riley, you can relax now,... the danger is over,... we arrested Yeoman Rand in her quarters,... and confiscated her collection of Klingon sex-toys.

 

[MANT!]

Hogan? Yeah, it's me. Listen... I gotta favor to ask ya. Will you quit cryin... I haven't even asked ya yet! What the Hell's the matter with you?
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0065938/quotes?qt0474862

 

[Nerys Myk]

Loves me some Kelly's Heroes.

 

[Gary7]

Riley: "...and Vulcans, Vulcans should not look "made-up." Spock, you're wear too much eye shadow.

.

Perfect! Fits so right in with his deluded mannerisms in this episode.

 

[Isis]

"Melakon? No...nobody here by that name. Sure you have the right area code?"

 

[Isis]

Riley: ♫ "Let's do the time warp again..." ♫

Choreographer (OS): "I need a word with whoever hired the back-up dancers. I can live with the ones in the red shirts, but that one in tan looks like he forgot to take his arthritis medicine."

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Riley (presses intercom button): "Captain Riley to Captain Kirk."
Kirk: "I'm right here, Riley--"
Riley: "Jeez!! Don't sneak up on me like that!"

 

[boco]

Riley:I see a booger in your nose, Mr Spock!

Riley: Look, Mr Spock, Miss Chapel just entered the bridge naked!
Spock: I think I prefer the pull my finger joke better..