TOS Caption Contest #226: Comm Jobs

[A.V.I.A.F.]

Kirk: What are you listening to there, Lieutenant?
Uhura: Oh nothing really, just your famous speech from The Intruder.
Kirk (nervous chuckle) Oh that! Well you see....
Uhura: Shut your muthafuckin’ cracker mouth!

 

[A.V.I.A.F.]

Crewman: Oh, found your earpiece! Here you go!
Lt. Palmer: Why is it all sticky?
Spock (to himself): Sulu’s right, those earpieces really do make great butt-plugs.

 

[A.V.I.A.F.]

Nichols: (snickers) Walter, I’m sorry about you being replaced on TAS by a three-armed alien. But, ya know, "budgetary constraints."


Koenig: Screw you guys! I’m going home!

 

[cooleddie74]

SPOCK: Bridge to Mr. Scott.

Please report to the bridge. And bring your "special" tools.


We're going to require all your talents and legendary skills in order to achieve free cable.

 

[cooleddie74]

"STRATEGO !!!!!"

 

[Tan Ru]

ANOTHER SATURDAY NIGHT.................

KIRK: .....and the extra cheesy-bread but not the garlic-crust. Did they understand that?
UHURA: uh, Yes sir.
KIRK: Oh, and extra Italian sausage too. And remind 'em, go light on the mushrooms on the second 12". We got the two free Diet Coke's right?
UHURA: uh, Yes sir......
KIRK: Cool. Did they promise 30 minutes delivery?
UHURA: Yes sir.
KIRK: Good, good......... That will be all Lieutenant.
UHURA: Very good Captain.

 

[T'Girl]

KIRK: What do you mean you cant get the Howard Stern Show?

Uhura:
"Sorry sir, but the "pathetically untalented New York hack" filter keeps switching itself on."

 

[LeadHead]

Uhura: It's no use Captain. All of Domino's lines are busy.

Kirk: Keep trying, Lieutenant. I want that 2 topping pizza.

Spock: Unable to reach starfleet command due to exceptionally high subspace interference.

Kirk: (over comm) I knew we shouldn't have switched to Verizon.

So far in the Star Trek Universe, only Odo has managed to get Umpire Calls right.

 

[LeadHead]

Spock: (over comm) Captain, if we go by the book like Lieutenant Uhura, hours would seem like days.

Kirk: Spock, I think you just told anybody who's listening exactly what code we're using.

Spock: Everything is under control over here, Captain. Just don't beam Commodore Decker over-

Kirk: (over comm) Whoops.

Chekov: SURPRISE!!! Wait, where is everybody?

 

[Nerys Myk]

KIRK: Your scratching technique isn't working. I'm going to use Palmer in the next rap battle.

 

[ItsGreen]

The Giants win the pennant! The Giants win the pennant! The Giants win the pennant!

 

[ItsGreen]

Captain, the linguistics bank states "mugato-toe" is a more appropriate term
for what I am showing!

 

[cooleddie74]

UHURA: I'm using Code 2, sir...as per your orders.

KIRK: Good. We all earn frequent-warper miles every time we use Code 2.

SPOCK: Bridge repairs are proceeding smoothly, Captain. Mister Scott reports the warp and impulse engines will be back online within the next two to four solar hours.

And Mister Sulu finally removed that gerbil.

CHEKOV: ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!!!

Alright...who's de joker who put de whoopee cushion in my chair?

 

[cooleddie74]

KIRK: Progress, Lieutenant?

UHURA: None. But I'll keep moving my hands across the control board in determined fashion so everyone else THINKS I'm making progress.

KIRK: Good girl. You're learning.

 

[LeadHead]

Kirk: I want a 6 foot trench dug around the entire ship. Fill it with gasoline. Get the women and children to the lower shelters. Contact the Japanese Ambassador. Get me a complete list of anyone whose seen The Sound of Music more than 4 times!

 

[ItsGreen]

Kirk: I want a 6 foot trench dug around the entire ship. Fill it with gasoline. Get the women and children to the lower shelters. Contact the Japanese Ambassador. Get me a complete list of anyone whose seen The Sound of Music more than 4 times!

---------------------------------------------------------------

Sir, these lights keep blinking out of sequence.
I see!
What shall we do about it sir?
Get them to blink in sequence!

 

[Nerys Myk]

UHURA: Sorry, Captain. The only sport I can get the system to receive is water polo.

KIRK: I hate Admiral Archer.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

^ I like that one!

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Kirk: What have you found?

Uhura: These colored lights keep moving back and forth. Aside from that, this console seems to have no other function whatsoever!

 

[Bob Karo]

Chekov: The Russians launched the first artificial satellite....

Spock(os): ... Actually, Ensign Chekov is correct.

Chekov leaps out of his chair and bursts into song:

Beep Beep Beep Beep HELLO THERE!

Here comes Sputnik giggling through the skyyyyyy!