TOS Caption Contest #226: Comm Jobs

[Rat Boy]

Time flies when you're getting some and it is time for another caption contest. First, let's present...

She's strict...

Crewman: Nice outfit. What happens if I push that big red button over your cleavage?

Lenore: I'll spray Windex in your milk you little shit, that's what'll happen.

Never get high on your own supply...

SPOCK: Fascinating!

On this weed, I actually *CAN* believe it is not butter...

Details...

DEELA: This "Dutch Angle" is an interesting sexual position.
KIRK: It's a camera tilt, you dumb broad. The sexual position comes next.

To our wives and girlfriends: may they never meet...

Lenore: (sarcastically) "Oh, isn't this wonderful? I leave you alone for a few hours and you're hitting up on this... this Scalosian hussy without me?

Congratulations to the winners. This week, Uhura takes a memo, Spock takes a break from shooting his latest music video, Chekov discovers he's won the Bolian lottery, and Captain Mason ponders going blue. Enjoy:

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "For God's sake, will you stop playing Angry Birds and get some work done?"

Spock: "Yes, Captain, I know. This is what we get for switching to Comcast."

Chekov: "Yahoo! She said yes!"

Uhura: "Yes to what?"

Chekov: "Having coffee."

Uhura: "That's it?"

Chekov: "Let me have my moment."

Tavas: "Sickbay reports 18 female crew members suddenly became pregnant, Captain."

Mason: "Okay, that's the last time we rendezvous with Enterprise."

 

[jep]

Uhura: "White men can't jump."


.

 

[cooleddie74]

UHURA: No response to our hails, sir.

It appears the Commodore has decided we're annoying as hell and no longer worth the bother.

SPOCK: Yes, Captain. The installation of Windows 25.0 is proceeding as planned.

I predict the new upgrades will be fully operational in less than three solar hours.

Now can't you see me warping here I've got my hands against the helming machine...

I ain't the worst that you've seen...

Oh, can't you see what I meaaaaaaaaaaan...

Might as well JUMP...

 

[cooleddie74]

KIRK: Stop playing with that damned Simon game and get back to work, Lieutenant.

 

[T'Girl]

Malfunctions forced Kirk to have Uhura manually enter his personal log,

Kirk:
" ... and then after removing her slinky evening dress I proceeded to stroke her soft ripe full ... '

Uhura:
"Will someone kill me now."

Spock:
"Find a few more crew members to beam down into a highly dangerous situation,
yes Captain, just let me take a quick look around."

.

 

[cooleddie74]

KIRK: Tell Commodore Wesley I'm not here right now. I don't want to talk to that self-righteous prick.

UHURA: Sir...

he can HEAR you.

SPOCK: This is the last time we hire contractors who aren't bonded.

Cheaper my ASS.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Chekov: "Heads up, Uhura! Cartwheel comin' atcha!!"

 

[cooleddie74]

MENTOS

The Galactic Freshmaker. (TM)

 

[Isis]

Spock (to self): "If they had told me that the awesomeness was included for those filling in for the captain, I would have done it sooner."

 

[Nerys Myk]

UHURA: Do I hover over you when you do....what ever the hell it is that you do?

SPOCK: I've no idea what happened. It was working fine when Uhura and I were alone on the bridge late last night.

CHEKOV: Shift over....Chekov out, bitches!

TAVAS: It's true, once you go blue...no other will do.

 

[jayrath]

LIEUTENANT: Mr. Spock, we've travelled so far in space that earth's first television broadcasts are only now reaching us!

CREWMEN: (singing) We are the men from Texaco, we work from Maine to Mexico . . . And now, Uncle Spocky!

[Okay, only early TV buffs will get this.]

 

[jayrath]

TAVAS: This bridge seems so much larger, compared to-

MASON: Hey! I just got out of the pool!

 

[jayrath]

UHURA: Captain, why are your arms always behind your back?

KIRK: Roddenberry wouldn't let us have pockets!

LIEUTENANT: Mr. Spock, why are your arms always behind-

SPOCK: Not everyone keeps their -- let it go, ask Roddenberry.

 

[Expo67]

Somebody left a thumbtack on Chekov's chair and he found out the hard way.

 

[T'Girl]

SPOCK: I've no idea what happened. It was working fine when Uhura and I were alone on the bridge late last night.

Tech One: "What's this strange greenish substance?"
Tech Two: "It's kind of gooey and sticky."
Lt. Palmer: "Smell familiar."

 

[Gil T.Azell]

Chekov: "Whoo hoo I am NOT the father, thank you Maury"

 

[Ssosmcin]

Kirk (thinking): I can totally see down her shirt.

Tech: Here's the trouble. A dried Jolly Rancher.
Palmer: That must be the one Spock dropper earlier.
Tech 2: But he found it. Said something about the "two second rule."
Palmer: Then what the hell does he have in his mouth?

After the fiftieth utterance of "it was inwented in Russia," someone hit the "Navigator Eject Switch." No charges were filed because everyone took credit for it.

Everyone knew the captain was on something; he seemed much more animated than usual.

 

[Isis]

Crewman (to self): "This new crewwoman is clearly an overachiever. When she said she'd keep an antenna out for the Romulans, I didn't realize she meant it literally."

 

[Gary7]

Thanks for the selection, Ratboy.

Spock was so ashamed... what was he thinking? Suddenly overcome with an inability to control his bladder, he relieved himself discreetly before one of the consoles, which in turn shorted out a whole bank of circuits.

Uhura: (thinking to herself) *Sniff, sniff* Dammit, there he goes again, sneaking up behind me as if I wouldn't notice. Wearing Aqua Velva is like hanging a bell around your neck.

Chekov: "Yes, I finally did it! High score!! Sulu, eat your heart out."

.