TOS Caption Contest #211: A Question

[Rat Boy]

Make the sacrifices, because it's time for another caption contest. First, let's lend a helping hand to...

Trekkies, bitch!

Obi-wan: "Strike me down, and I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine."

Kirk: without missing a beat, punches Obi-wan in the face, knocking him out, then strides past...

Spock: "Asshole!"

Dude, you're hella trippin'...

Kirk: Whoa... It's like what happened when I ate the brownies the Space Hippies brought aboard, except other people can see it and I have pants on.

I hear that's how Voyager kept their shuttle supply filled...

REDSHIRT 1: Time to pull another Leslie out of storage.

REDSHIRT 2: Whats this? The third one this month?

Food fight!

Bluto: "He sent you here, didn't he? Admit it!!!"

Kirk: "I'm telling you, we don't know anyone named "Dean Wormer."


.

Finally...

Well, it could have been worse. It could have been Sad Keanu...

Strutting Leo: Awesome work guys!! Let's go get a drink at Stinking Gorn's

Congratulations to the winners. This week, Kirk and Spock strike up a conversation with a giant doughnut, McCoy checks out Spock's fillings, Scotty and Sulu catch Uhura in an awkward moment, and in a special picture ripped from Star Trek Online, Captain Mason of the Yorktown gets some probing questions from a newly discovered species. Enjoy:

 

[Rat Boy]

Guardian: "Since before your sun was...*sigh*...look, I only do this bit for the tourists, bud. Just play along?"

McCoy: "Mouthwash? There ain't enough of it in the quadrant to cure that. What the hell were you eating?"

Spock: "A tribble."

*McCoy calmly backs away*

Scotty: "Borgas frat! Riley's drunk again and he's locked himself in the engine room! How are we going to get him out this time?"

Sulu: "Don't worry, I know how to handle Kevin."

*Scotty calmly backs away*

Ambassador: "Now comes the tradition of probing you, Captain."

Mason: "Probe? Wait, you scanned me at the door."

Ambassador: "Not that kind of probe."

*Mason runs the fuck out of there*

 

[LeadHead]

Thanks for the win!

Guardian: I am the Guardian of Forever and am available for School Field Trips.

Spock: Captain, we neglected to bring our permission slips.

Kirk: Dangit!

Spock: As you can see, the control console is quite simple. Press any button and everyone in the Shuttlebay dies.

Scotty: They've taken Engineering!

Sulu: Should Engineering have been sealed by the emergency bulkheads?

Scotty: Quiet! Nitpicking isn't cool until TNG!

Ambassador: You are quite brave to come on our own Captain.

Mason: If you guys attack me and I win, I'll get so much XP, it's worth the risk.

 

[jep]

Guy in the back, to himself: "My life is in the hands of a queen and a drunken Scotsman. Who did I piss off in a former life?"


.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Spock: "It's a bet, then. If he just swells up like a puffer fish, I win. But if he actually explodes, you win."

Scotty: "We've got to get to the armory, get some phasers, blast our way--Move that hand, Sulu!--blast our way into Engineering..."

Alien: "We are on a desperate mission, Captain! Mars needs women!"

 

[Rat Boy]

Alien: "We are on a desperate mission, Captain! Mars needs women!"

Mason: "I just broke up with my science officer. You can take her."

 

[jep]

Kirk: "This seems strangely familiar."


.

 

[Rat Boy]

Spock: "And this, Captain, is why the residents decided to change the name to 'Jackson Hole, Wyoming.'"

 

[jep]

Guy in back: "Uh... where are the roosters?"

Sulu: "Roosters? We don' need no steenkin' roosters!"

Scotty: "Sulu, this is NOT what I had in mind when you invited us to go to a cockfight with you.



.

 

[jep]

Kirk: "Hmmm... one of their letters has stopped working."

Spock: "I'm sure it doesn't portend any trouble for us, Captain.



.

 

[Maurice]

KIRK: I think I see a hole in the plot.

SPOCK: As you can see by this readout, the Captain's Mojo is alarmingly low.

SULU: Pssst. Is that plywood behind me?
SCOTTY: It's always "wood" this and "wood" that with you, isn't it, laddie?

 

[Nerys Myk]

CONTEST 210 KIRK: The new caps are here Spock, we'd better split.

MCCOY: Your breath is fine Spock. Geez, whens the last time you had a date?

SCOTTY: Ach, she's doing the naked fan dance again.

 

[jep]

Spock: "PRESIDENT Palin?"

Kirk: "Man, I'm glad Starfleet is gone. I'd hate to have to explain how we caused this."


.

 

[Capt_Pickirk]

Thanks for the win!!!

Guardian: ALL THAT YOU ONCE KNEW, IS GONE

Kirk: Strutting Leo, has somehow changed history.
Spock, you and I will have to go into the past thread in an attempt to put things right

McCOY: I don't care how good the special effects are!! The prequels still suck, you Green blooded idiot

Scotty quickly learned the horrors of being the only 'Rocky Horror' Virgin on the ship

Well, it could have been worse. It could have been Sad Keanu...

Oh I'll get to that, eventually

 

[jep]

Kirk: "This is great. We can see the past and learn from..."

Guardian: "NOT ONLY YOUR PASTS. YOUR FUTURES."

(Awkward silence)

Kirk: "OK, I want this thing turned off and destroyed. NOW!"



.

 

[Gil T.Azell]

Scotty:"Watch the hands Mr...!"

 

[Rat Boy]

McCoy: "Think he's had enough?"

Spock: "I don't care if he faints, we're going to sweat those pounds right off of him. I refuse to continue to serve under a captain who wears a girdle."

Scotty: "Chekov, put on some bloody pants already!"

Sulu: "Take your time."

Mason (thinking): I shouldn't have loaded up on bean dip.

 

[Nerys Myk]

MASON (thinking): Ooookay, the "not everyone keeps their genitals in the same place" thing makes sense now.

 

[Captain Crow]

McCoy: How the hell does this work?

Spock: Fuck if I know Doctor.

McCoy: Thanks, you've been helpful. [under his breath] Smart one my ass.

Spock: I heard that insult Doctor.

McCoy: Woopty-fucking-doo.

Spock: DOCTOR! I BELIEVE IT IS SAFE TO ENTER THE ROOM NOW!

McCoy: There's no need to shout you pointed-eared putz I'm standing right by you. What do you think this is the unaired pilot?

 

[Rat Boy]

MASON (thinking): Ooookay, the "not everyone keeps their genitals in the same place" thing makes sense now.

Ambassador: "Especially since we're in the perfect position to head butt you in the testicles.
.
.
...By the way, we're telepathic, too."